Cripes, Suzette!

I'm Calling "WIG"

Well-known country music fan Michelle Obama Shows Off New 'Do. And By 'Do, We Mean "WIG"

 

Are those little white hairs sticking out by her hairline there?  I guess she didn't want the big black hairs sticking out the back to be lonely.

 

...........

Also, no slip! That's what makes her a World Famous Fashion Icon - she makes her own rules. My hunch is that she figured she gave enough attention to conformity by wearing something with the waistline in the right place for  a change, so why push it by going conventional all the way.

What's up with that little sad sack Sanchez? Have you noticed the disparate amount of attention given to these two girls? Oh, you see an occasional photo of this poor thing smiling but only when she's alone. Put them together and the spotlight always shines on Malaria.

When They Ask Me What I Want Carved Into My Tombstone, I'm Going To Remind Them That I Inspired Cake Art of MO's Little Eye

People, the day has arrived.

I want you all to know that I am no longer the only person blogging about MO's little eye. My internet efforts have finally paid off - here's a blogger who credits me with being her muse. However, she has upped the ante considerably because she executed the little eye concept as cake art.

It may have begun as an accident, but that of course is the genius of it all - to take a moment of adversity and turn it into triumph. How good its it that the little eye theme is displayed on a half-assed crab?

I'm only glad that I played my small part in the inspiration.

The New Jackie O

Photo of the Week:

Barf

"Today is Mother's Day. Today we should celebrate Michelle Obama's arms as the arms of a mother."

Sally Quinn, Washington Post 5/10/09

Here's what's funny: they're focusing on the wrong body part. All this fuss over Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama's™ arms misses her real power muscles: the ones that hold up the giant ugly necklaces.

I used to think that she was round-shouldered, had bad posture, slumped forward - any number of things to account for her slightly-off balance center of gravity. Now I realize it's because her trapezius muscles are overdeveloped due to the constant challenge of lugging 10 pounds of cheap beads around all the time.

In case you are tired of hearing about MO's arms, or if you never did quite get what is the attraction in the first place, do what I do - subsitute the word "butt  cheeks" for "arms". It instantly improves any article written about her. Try it:

"May I change the subject," said a prominent Washington theologian at a recent dinner. The conversation had been high-minded -- religion, philosophy, the nature of evil. "I'd like to talk about Michelle Obama's butt cheeks," he said.

He is a big fan of those butt cheeks. We then began a discussion about the significance of the first lady's butt cheeks. Actually, it turned out to be equally serious. Michelle Obama's butt  cheeks, we determined, were transformational. Her butt cheeks are representative of a new kind of woman: young, strong, vigorous, intelligent, accomplished, sexual, powerful, embracing and, most of all, loving."

See how much more fun it is that way? Here's another photo from the same event, the White House Correspondent's Dinner:

So much to take in here! Note the expression on MO's face as she resigns herself to giving the terrorist fist bump to everyone she meets for the rest of her life. I'd classify that one as"not thrilled".

Lookie here. Another elegant, beautiful Harvard grad with no bosom to speak of showed up at that dinner also wearing a sleeveless hot pink dress. It's the White House's Second Lady, Desiree Rogers. As you no doubt agree, I am something of an adept at recognizing and interpreting messages via fashion choices and I do believe there's a message there for someone.

And I'm not the only one who thinks something's up. Check this out. Body language!

 

Keep your eye on this, folks. It's going somewhere.

I Spy With My Little Eye, Sesame Street Edition

In the land of the blind, the one big eye(d) woman is queen.

Breaking News!

Did Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ reveal another aspect of the Obama Plan For A Better America yesterday in her speech before a crowd of business executives yesterday?

"She called herself someone who strives to do more than 100 percent at work. "If people here are like me -- I call myself a 120-percenter. If I'm not doing any job at 120 percent, I think I'm failing."

Question: did they change the definition of percent?

If the answer to that is NO, then I think we are starting to see how the White House is figuring that the  Spend First/Tax Later approach to the economy is going to be delivered in a palatable way to the tax-paying public. No need to worry about all those big numbers with the dollar signs attached to them - we'll just change the base from 100 to 120. Then the numbers won't look so bad. It's genius.

Someone Left Their Full Time Makeup Artist At Home

Attack of the 540 Foot Woman

Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama joined a group of other political wives to pose for photos at a local food bank yesterday. Displaying once again her playful (translation: like a kindergartner who dressed herself) fashion sense,  she went casual  and wore her customary too-small sweater, hip-enhancing flood pants and a pair of sneakers that cost $540.00. To work at a food bank.

" ... on her feet, a sneaky splurge: trainers that go for $540. That's right: These sneakers - suede, with grosgrain ribbon laces and metallic pink toe caps - are made by French design house Lanvin, one of fashion's hottest labels."

Are we still doing the Jackie O comparisons? Is that still a thing? Picture Jackie O in those.

The overlooked and underrated Jill Biden was there, too. There must be some kind of deal going on there where Dr. Jill is not allowed to outshine MO.  Vivian Vance was contractually obliged to maintain her weight at a minimum of 20 pounds over Lucille Ball's to make Lucy look that much better. I have a feeling that a similar agreement must be going on here - Jill is obliged to hide her classic, tasteful  and flattering fashion sense whenever MO is around. This time, though, it leaked out.

At first I felt a little sad that Jill's silver ballet flats made her delicate feet look a bit canoe-ish ... until I saw this shot of them standing near each other.

Man feet! If you didn't already know that was MO standing there, wouldn't you think that might be her brother?

Nope! His feet seem to be smaller than hers. Same big mouth, though.

UPDATE: The internet is abuzz with fascination over MO's shoes - and rightly so. Let's start a compendium:

WIZBANG "Remember when Michelle Obama poo poo'd the Bush stimulus of $600 as nothing asking what could you buy with that, a pair of earrings?" link

BASEBALL CRANK - "Somehow, no matter what the state of the U.S. economy, the Michelle Obamas in and around the government will always manage to get their fancy French sneakers. I don't begrudge them that - but I do wish they acted as if they felt the same way about the rest of us." link

JAMMIEWEARINGFOOL - Wasn't her husband just saying something about buying American?  link

BRUTALLY HONEST -"They're shoes," the First Lady's reps sniffed when curious reporters inquired about the fancy footwear." Yea... just shoes... worn by everyday people every.... er... day... while helping the poor. link

UPDATE 2: In case you forgot what's inside those sneakers: from Putting The Sass In Sasquatch

Quite Contrary

Get ready. I'm going to say something positive about World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™.

I think it's fine that she's setting an example about healthy eating. I even like the idea of the White House vegetable garden. I wonder if the people who need this lesson most - the ones who put the Diet Pepsi in the baby bottles and think Cheetoes are a suitable meal anytime time of day - are hardly the ones who are going to be putting in a patch of herbs. Do I think she has any real knowledge about gardening , plants or maintenance of a garden? No.

actual White House arugula

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ returned to the White House garden yesterday to put in some fruit and vegetable seedlings.

Mrs Obama and her family could be enjoying salads made with lettuce from the garden in a fortnight and blueberries "by June".  "It does have nutrients, it does make you strong, it is all brain food," she said. She said the garden was also "real inexpensive," no more than $200, and would yield "a ton of stuff." "We can produce enough fruits and vegetables to feed us for years and years to come, for just a couple of hundred dollars," she said.

Ok now. I have a few quibbles.

• I question the timing! It was snowing last week in DC and the frost date is not yet past. The peas, ok but there's a good chance that the arugula could freeze. Think of the baby lettuces!  Even without a frost, rosemary and peppers are not exactly what you put in first.
• "a seedling" is a very young plant.Some of the lettuce and herbs that were put in are ready for a light harvest.
• She's going to have blueberries by June? Which June? Certainly not this one. this is a clue that  that she does not know her ass from a hole in the garden patch.
• Home grown food has nutrients. Great. So do Cheetoes.
• A Harvard educated lawyer using the phrase "real inexpensive"? Don't they have some king of grammar-related expectations at Harvard?
• $200? Those little slate signs cost more than $200.
• Does she not know that the crop she is planting , with the exception of the herbs, are annuals and will not produce for years and years but will  have to be replanted each year?

 I said they were quibbles and they are. Overall, I give her credit for this project but I think it would be much better if she limited her participation to being a figurehead. Just pose for the photos and keep that mouth shut.

Check out the Level 3 eye droop. This is the first time we've seen the bottom lid drooping as well as the upper. I'm convinced that when she's tired, the eye droop is worse. This is her eye on jet-lag.

The garden includes perennial herbs like mint, garlic chives, thyme, oregano, anise hyssop, sage, rosemary, majoram, chamomile, as well as annual herbs like parsLey, basil, Thai basil, cilantro, dill and fennel.

It will also grow various lettuces, spinach, onions, shallots, chard, snap peas, shell peas, carrots, black kale, rhubarb, arugula, tomatoes, tomatillos, sweet and hot peppers, beans, cucumbers, okra, and sweet potatoes, as well as blueberries and raspberries.

It will also include some of early US president Thomas Jefferson's favorite crops, like the Marseille fig.

UPDATE: From Our Department of "Do As I Say Not As I Do": [Michelle Obama] cheered the kids for bringing good weather and then sent them (and the press) home with cookies.

How Will I Know What I Need If I Don't Watch Infomercials?

Now updated with

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ testimonial.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Two factors establish my authority as something of an infomercial expert:

1.  I rarely sleep straight through the night
2. I travel a lot so I see lots of local TV stations

And I've been studying these things for a long time. Not just the primitive Ronco Pocket Fisherman or the Veg-O-matic ads. (Just because I am a student - nay, a scholar! of these things does not mean that I am immune to thier persuasive power. I do own the Ronco Showtime Bar-B-Q Rostisseire, a Purse Brite and I have been a longtime user of Dr. Wantanabe's Sobakawa Pillow.)  Heck, I knew about the Roomba and the George Foreman Grill long before they became cultural icons. Trend watchers: - keep your eye on the Titan Peeler/Vegetable Shaver.

As for the current generation of infos, the Snuggie or PediEgg infomercial or even that upside down tomato planter - who among us hasn't seen those? Don't even get me started about Your Baby Can Read. I follow the lesser known Pancake Puff,  Strap Perfect, and Cat Genie. The Kyosera Body Shaper, for heaven's sake! I generally ignore the exercise machines and the very detailed colonic cleanser pieces but I do take special note of the hair products. I study the Maxi-Glide and I'm pretty much up on the various hair-holders like the E-Z Comb and the Hairigami. I knew about Bumpits but until today, I have never heard of Thinny Hair Holders.

"The excellent production values paired with Meredith's impeccable skills really make this shit one of the greatest masterpieces in the history of commercials." h/t DListed

UPDATE: World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ has apparently discovered the joy of big hair. Here she is on the day she mugged hugged the Queen sporting the Amy Wino look. does that not look like the same tossled finger-rake styling as demonstrated on the Thinny Hair Holders video?

For some inexplicable reason, she decided that this is the moment that the world needed to see her bony forehead. Note the little eye.

Assholes Abroad

TINY QUEEN CORKS UP BLOW HOLE OF GREAT HULKING VISITOR
Citizenry Spared!

Dateline: Buckingham Palace:  Fast thinking by the beloved British monarch averted what could have easily become an international scandal. Queen Elizabeth had the bad luck to be in the presence of this same giantess earlier in the day when a most unfortunate situation occurred.

During the initial meeting which included both spouses, the behemoth sent forth a mighty wind which blew Prince Philip quite out of camera frame center and caused the poor man to turn an unearthly color out of sheer fright. As can be seen in the photo below, the full experience of the horrible aftermath is told by the poor man's sunken eyes. Although the queen was forewarned of the likelihood of such an occurance, neither she nor Prince Phillip recognized the telltale body language that accompanies the putrid stench.

 

According to confidential briefings done by M5 on a need-to-know basis, the enormous she-beast in question typically signals the onset of the malodorous emission by either of two mannerisms: in the case of  lesser threat, she will squeeze her right eye almost shut. In the more dangerous Level 2 eruption, she  widens her stance to balance herself against the force of the blast.

Recognizing the impending Level 2 flatulence posture, the plucky little sovereign moved quickly to stop the emission, thereby sparing her subjects the full impact of the assault on their senses. Sadly, only the olfactory sense was spared. Unfortunately, nothing could be done to save them from the sight of this blatant attempt to engulf the tiny queen by any possible means.

. . . . . . .

COOLEST PRESIDENT EVER CONTINUES MUSICAL THEME FOR MONARCH MEETUP
Plays It Himself

So pleased was he with the sucess of his gift to Queen Elizabeth of an iPod filled with pictures of himself and audio recordings of his speeches, the Coolest President Ever™ continued the theme of a musical gift for other monarchs that he met on his first official European tour.

Displaying previously unrevealed talents, he surprised the international gathering by releasing something he had been working up especially for the Saudi king. The photo below captures the audience reaction to the solo performance of music fit for a king, a piece entitled "Barack".

 

MERCI BEAUCOUP - NON!

Maintenez En Vous Pantaloons

Dateline Strasbourg, France: Not everyone was as pleased with the notion of a surprise musical gift. There was an awkward moment with  Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, wife of the French President, that was reported by the media as "a sudden backing off from the traditional double cheek kiss". Entourage insiders who asked not to be identified said the quick reversal was a reaction to the president's sudden  offer to play his organ [sic] for her.

 

Asses In The White House

This is the difference between Republicans and Democrats: Republicans want leaders who inspire them to be better, to work towards moral and behavioral ideals and who are constant reminders of what's good about America. Democrats want leaders who tell them it's okay to fall short, to celebrate character flaws as if they were desirable personal goals and who are constant reminders of personal and societal dysfunction.

And ye shall know them by the public images they choose to display:

This one image alone should put a dead stop to any comparison between World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ and Jackie Kennedy. Here is your first lady posing for Vogue magazine during the time she spent at the Hay-Adams hotel in Washington DC before the inaguration.  Can you imagine Jackie sprawled out ass end up, hair tucked behind her shoulder, looking more like a clothed Playboy pictorial than a fashion spread?

Here is the leader of the free world setting an example for youngsters by sucking down suds while sitting shoulder to shoulder with small children at a basketball game in February. He's America's Coolest President Ever! How does this guy spend so much time out and about the town? What do first daughters Malaria and Sashay do while their parents choose to spend their free evenings out and about in DC?

52% of American voters asked for it, but 100% of Americans have to suffer from it. When you say Obama, you've said it all.

I Spy With My Little Eye

Have you noticed that the Most Beautiful First Lady Ever™ has a situation with that right eye? I'm not yet sure if one eye is smaller than the other one or if it's a droopy lid. In this photo from Inauguration Day, she looks like there's not enough strength in the eye lid to stand up to the breeze.

 

Don't think that it's combating the outdoor elements that creates this situation. Here she is indoors, all fixed up for her big moment in front of the cameras. Clicking the thumbnail images will let you see that on the first night that she addressed the country on national TV she was wearing a big plastic pin and one round eye and one almond-shaped eye.

Maybe it happens when she gets tired. The strain of trying not to trip on the hem of her  toilet paper ballgown  must have worn her right out. Her lips are smiling but her eye is drooping.

It's noticeable even from an angle.

Appearing on TV makes the uneven eye size even more noticeable. Here she is wearing her trademark big pin and cardigan sweater.

Madama Toussand's  is well-known for their realistic depictions of famous people. Now it's the Obamas' turn to be immortalized in wax. See how the sculptor captured the eye thing?

It hasn't always been there. Look at these photos from her earlier days. So it's a progressive thing. Bears watching.

 

But look at it now. here at the reopening of Ford's Theater in Washington DC this month:

And yesterday in Chicago:

Take a look at that second picture again. It's not just the eye - its the brow that droops, too.

Keep an eye on this (har!) whenever you see her picture. . If its a progressive medical condition, that would be too bad. But if it's not - if it's due to tiredness or stress, it's possible that we can use this as a barometer for what's really happening behind the photo ops.



Here's our LOLMO of the week: