Cripes, Suzette!

Everyone Will Ask You What You're Wearing

Act surprised: I spend a lot of time crawling through the listings at eBay.

I rarely buy, I just look. The reason I do it is to recapture my past or to capture a past I think I should have had. Today I took the plunge and bought a vintage headscarf adorned with white horse heads and inscribed "Spanische Holfreirschule Wein" (the Spanish Riding School in Vienna). Behold:

I had to buy this because:

• I am very partial to this shade of green paired with dark blue
• I look very good in green
• women's vintage accessories put me into a trance
• this one was only $9.99 with free shipping
• I can't afford a Hermès scarf
• Once long ago, I bought a similar scarf in Vienna for someone and I didn't buy one for myself and this is what I mean by recapturing the past and $9.99 is cheaper than hypnotic regression.

It might not be your cup of tea, but picture me in a winter white coat with this tucked into the collar. Now do you see?

Now if I could be sure that what I was getting was real perfume and not some phony pisswater substitute, I'd be bidding on some Infini perfume. That perfume was my first purchase with my first paycheck from my first real job. I used it sparingly and owned that infinity-shaped crystal bottle for many years until it met a sad end at the hands of some toddler mixmasters who found their way into my bedroom.

They were girl toddlers, now that I think of it, so I guess it was most likely a privative gender imperative impulse for them to reach out for all those lovely little  bottles. One of them is in the room next door to me right now (all grown up). Perhaps I should go mess up some of her stuff. Circle of life!

1975 print ad for Infini perfume

Look at that ad. Do you doubt that this perfume could confer a devastating sophistication on your 21-year-old, just moved to  NYC, country bumpkin head?

It's Nice To Be Important But It's More Important to Be Nice

I used to be nice. I used to talk about my puffy hairdo, lipstick and nail polish, Vera Bradley pocketbooks and my obsession with vintage dinnerware and everybody was happy.

It's not that I'm no longer nice, but you can't tell that by my blog anymore. You should know that all of that is still going on. In fact, I just bought 4 of these on eBay:

Belvidere, 1941-1978

My dear friend, co-worker and psychic twin has left the company to strike out on her own.  We were glued side-by-side through good times and bad (mostly bad) for seven years and I can't think of better way to honor our bond than with somebody else's cast-off  teacups.

I joke.

I bought these because they have forget-me-nots painted on them and I'm planning to write something mushy about never forgetting our time together. I'd copy something from the internet but most of what I've managed to find has to do with dead people, mostly mothers. So that's out - I'm going to have to write my own. I was thinking of a poem - maybe you all could help me. So far all I've got it this:

__ __ __ made me puke every day
__  __  __  __  __ not enough pay

These pieces are in a retired Lenox pattern called Belvidere and it is perfect. The picture sdoesn't do it justice - it's so elegant that it could make your heart break. There's no indication that this was ever used for anything except sitting in a cabinet.( p.s.The company stopped making that cup shape long ago.) I am thrilled to have found this because while I thought the forget-me-not idea was good, most of what I found was crap like this:

They say every pot has a lid so I guess these would be a good buy if you had a crap pot. To me they are just a little bit corny and tacky and unlovely. Look again at the delicate pattern on bone china lovliness of the Lenox:

Amitrite?

Maybe you don't care but I am utterly thrilled.

p.s. That eBay! Boy, what a dangerous place. Try not to hang around there too long otherwise you might become obsessed with another discontinued Lenox pattern. Don't think it can't happen because it happened to me!

 

Kingsley, 1954 - 1979

Lenox, as you know, has gone bankrupt. *pause for weeping to subside*  I'm not saying that you'll never have the chance to buy new Lenox china dinnerware again. I'm just saying that if you do, it will be because some crap Chinese company bought it for 10c on the dollar so they could put the Lenox label onto some crappy dinnerware and make a lot of money until you catch on.

Freight Train Coming and I'm Tied To The Tracks

I recognize that I am standing on the precipice and about to fall off. After years of minimizing and insisting on carrying small, I am ready to boomerang over to the farthest extreme.

I am currently preoccupied with acquiring handbags. Handbags I don't need. Big, gaudy handbags. I have not acted yet, but I feel like I could make my move at any moment. The other day, one of my co-workers showed me her giant blue fake-croc satchel which is not my style at all.  It's kind of iridescent and sometimes it looks purplish and it has shiny charms dangling off of it and its only one click away on QVC.com.

I can't stop thinking that I need one, too. NEED one.

In other Women's Accessory News, it looks like I will be returning to Scottsdale for business around Thanksgiving time. Finger's crossed that this trip is confirmed because then I will have an opportunity to go back to that nice little gift shop and replace the tooled leather cosmetic case which the TSA stole from me earlier this year. Then balance will be restored to the world.

CRIME PAYS

Crime pays. Not for the criminal but for the jurors. Especially if it's a federal case, which cashes out at $40.00 a day and 48.5c a mile. For my three days' service, that puts me at a sweet $240.54. In my case, my employer continues paying me my regular salary so the jury money is all profit*.

The judge told us right from the beginning that this would be a very brief trial and in fact, when the down time was cut away, there was:

• 40 minutes of opening statements
• evidence presented over one full day
• one hour of closing statements
• 15 minutes of instructions from the judge
• a 90 minute deliberation period and (not including 20 minutes to choose from the lunch menu)
  
• a 3 minute reading of the verdict

At the end of it all, I came away with a very positive impression of the U.S. judicial process, detailed knowledge about Llama 9mmm semi-automatic handguns and a firm resolve to stay far, far  away from the White Castle on Elizabeth Avenue in Newark.

The judge was fabulous and gave us an opportunity after the trail to come back inside and ask any questions we wanted to. We got a big earful of background information that we couldn't hear earlier and it confirmed for us that we had made the right decision. Also, I got to look at a nice parade of dishy policemen, who - when they aren't writing out speeding tickets with your name on them - are not half bad to look at.

Today I have $240.54 burning a hole in my pocket and I'm running out of room on the scratch pad I'm using to list the possibilities.

*I ignore the cost of the gas, which Sami always fills for me out of his pocket money, and wear and tear on the car, because I'd be driving someplace anyway. So when you think like I do, it's all profit.

In Which I Unleash My Inner 12 Year Old Boy

Don't think that because none of you have responded to my tantalizing posts about plane spotting that you have heard the last of it. In fact, we at Cripes, Suzette! are going public and admitting right out loud that we are now on a mission to bore anyone who remains stationary for longer than 3 minutes about sitting on the deck watching planes go by.

Since last we met, I've been busy with the internet shopping. Mercifully, I have started small:

Binoculars! The very universe - let alone the internet - have conspired to make this happen. An unexpected bonus landed upon me this week, 60 bucks of which went to these. Native guilt will never let me do anything special with bonus money, even if my intention is to do something wholesome and worthwhile like replacing the area rugs ruined by a sick old dog, I just cannot let myself do it. But 60 bucks on a luxury item, that I can manage.

So after exhaustive research, I decided on the Nikon Action Ultra-Wide Angle 7x35. They suit me because:

• the name carries a good reputation
• the price was manageable
• they are light-weight and not too bulky
• they are powerful enough to keep me amused for a good long while
• they are wide-angle view so I don't have to be swiveling all around trying to get the planes in sight
• they are not the top of the line so that eventually I can have something to trade up to

It is a blessing to know one's self.

Reference book. Lord luv Abe Books. Who wouldn't be willing to spend a dollar to have their own copy of A Field Guide to Airplanes of North America? "The format of "A Field Guide to Airplanes" will be familiar to birdwatchers, as the authors have taken the style of Peterson's famous identification guides and applied it to aircraft." What's not to love? Reader reviews indicate this is perfect for 8 year olds and beginner air traffic controllers. I got the 1996 2nd edition not the updated 2006 aversion, because its the older planes that go in and out of Liberty International. Also, potential for future upgrades.

If you are not interested in my plane spotting activities (see? My little past time has a name now. That's the final sign of true of obsession) there is more news of days gone by.  I am currently possessed with letting everyone know that this_is_how_we_do_it. Younger, hipper female relatives have informed me that I am 12 or so years behind the times, but whatevs. All hands are in the air.

Meanwhile, back to the point: VIDEO UPDATE - Superjumbo Airbus A380 landing in Hong Kong this week. This is what I'm SAYIN'.

Tell me you weren't watching that with your mouth hanging open.  

I'm Going To Be Needing A Lot More Batteries Because I'm In Love With An Appliance

I didn't think my life could get any better but a pair of Shure earbuds proved me wrong. My cheap little mp3 player was hypnotic enough but I made an investment in some E2s and whoa baby! my life is fulfilled.

My original plan here was to load up the internet air waves with jabber about my fabulous new Crest SpinBrush, which is very much superior to my old Oral B Cross Action battery operated toothbrush, but frankly my dental appliances are no match, glamor-wise or fascination-wise, to the earbuds.

Tonight I was sitting on the deck working my way through my modest little music catalog and by the time I got up to the Kinks doing  "Apeman" , I realized that I had forgotten about my nightly plane-spotting. So I looked up and I saw a bat.

I am complete.

I'd say more about how pleased I am with these earbuds but the next song in the queue is Tito Puente's "Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing" and I've got to go.

UPDATE: Morning has dawned and I'm able to report that it was with a begrudged attitude, but I was able to  disconnect myself in order to sleep. I love these things, even though I  perceive an element of danger in using these. They are not earbuds at all, but actually   IN-EAR CANALPHONES. 

Does it not make you shudder?

I worry that something will be left behind in there when I take them out. It's happened to me before, remember. The cottony blob from the end of a dollar-store imitation Q-Tip got stuck in my ear and I foolishly sought out the help of my then Employee Health Service. Their wothehell attitude when they tried to  flush it out only served to jam it deeper. I walked around for 6 days like that until my HMO doc was able to see me to extract it with an instrument that looked more obstetrical than otolaryngical. The thing that makes these E2s so good is that you can customize the fit by changing the removable covers, which means they could come off. So its a risk but I don't care.

User Review: The Pros and Cons of Stemless Wineglasses

We've been using stemless wine glasses for a while now. They're okay but they're not all that okay. Never one to stand on someone else's ceremony, the part about the stem keeping your hot little hands away from the delicate nectar doesn't bother me but there are other some issues that do. Herewith set forth for your edification are the pros and cons of these glasses, as I see them:

Pros:

• Looks fancy - Not just fancy, but downright hip. These glasses give the impression that you know something that someone else doesn't and that right there is worth the price to me.
• More stable when you are holding your wine glass and waving your hands around for emphasis - Not a problem for you? Keep drinking - you'll be waving your hands around before you know it.
• Less likely to get knocked over once it is back down on the table - These glasses are also known as "tumblers" which is a comforting image to have in case they do get knocked over - say, when you are waving your hands around. Think inflatable clown bopping bag.
• Family members will not use this glass for milk or soda - This is not my first experience with stemless wine drinking. I went through a Paisano phase some years ago and the container of choice was a thick-walled peasant glass, sometimes a tall one in case I wanted to add some seltzer. You could tumble those all day and all night without a care. Good times!
• Holds a lot of wine - Save yourself some steps at the end of a long workday  by tanking up right off the bat. Battle cry: "Consume mass quantities!"

Cons:

• Distracting fingerprints - This is a problem especially if you are doing hors' doerves. Not just fingerprints but big greasy smears. Hey, do we have any of those deviled eggs left?
• Hard to hold onto - They are quite bulbous. Imagine gripping a grapefruit and that is pretty much the degree of grip needed. Easy to do at the beginning of the evening but after a while, the hand fatigues. Pair this with the hand waving and you've got yourself a real situation.
• Takes up a lot of table space. Be careful when you put this down between the cheese platter and the crudities. You can utilize the air space over the base of the stemmed glassware but not with these - in fact, you need a bigger space than the base of the stemless glass to accommodate the swollen girth of this thing.
• Danger of pouring out too big a serving - In the same way that my "one cup of coffee a day" invoves a 24oz. travel mug from DD, "two glasses of wine"  in these can be something of a problem unless your intention is to remain firmly planted in your deckchair for an extended period.

So there we have it. Stemless wine glasses: hipster trend or homage to the jelly glass? You decide.