Cripes, Suzette!

Guess What Day It Is?

IT'S THE DAY I FOUND THE NEW LOCATION OF THE DRESS BOUTIQUE!

It's on a busy commercial highway that I use quite a lot but two miles past the point where I'd have any reason to continue.  Here we have your average Jersey strip mall, 4 stores in all, and the dress boutique is plunked right  between a paint store and a check cashing place. Junky! The 4th store is a bicycle shop, so that's not much better. I image the menfolk who previously had this patch of earth all to themselves had something of a shock when they realized that their parking spaces were going to be overrun with pageant contestants, MOBs, prom girls and charity dinner dance habitues.

But there are obvious advantages to this location. The parking  lot is paved and even, so no more climbing over snow banks of wading through water filled grooves in the pebbles to get the shot. The store itself is larger. No intrusive rhododendron branches blocking the window.

And speaking of windows, see that big plate glass doorway? It lets in lots of light so that I can see the interior. I saw a brocade-covered settee in there and Look, a chandelier! I suppose they located it precisely there for most advantageous illumination of the ruffle clusters on the cha-cha dresses. Gawd, I missed the  wackadoo inventory they carry here.

Good times ahead, friends- the Dress Boutique is back.

click thumbnails for larger image

Dress Boutique: No oo oo oo o o o !

I had some time on my hands today so I thought I'd drive over to the dress boutique to see what was doin'.

If wisdom is the benefit of maturing, then knowing too much is the flip side. Sure, there's a new location and I'm certain it will be somewhat more upscale. But it won't be the same. This is it for the dress boutique. The glory days are over.

Dress Boutique: This Sh*t Is Bananas

The route to my work no longer takes me past the Dress Boutique, save for a few rare days a year. In order to feed the howling beast that demands hot Dress Boutique action, we must find our fashion inspiration where we can. This week's place is that bastion of wholesome expression: The Minnesota State Fair. Behold the Sock Monkey Dress as displayed at this year's fair.

Do you know why women began wearing red lipstick? and not, say, green or blue tones? Because red lips simulate a flushed, sexually stimulated vagina. It's a theory, but that's what they say. If that's true, then what, my dear reader, is one to make of the Sock Monkey Dress?

The word that first comes to mind is primitive. (Har har!) No, seriously, not primate-tive,  primitive. (And evolution - Survival of the Cheerleaderest. If you think of this getup as a device of allurement, cave-woman style, then one cannot fail to note that the blue eyed monkeys then as now get the most attention.)

And beyond that, what is one to make of this flashing billboard of fertility realized and womanhood otherwise occupied? Am I missing the point or is the message is clearly "Aim here. I don't need anymore babies right now." Perhaps not - maybe its just a nod to the Sir Mix-A-Lot crowd, who like big butts and cannot lie, but thinking like that will lead to its natural conclusion and then you'll have a six-pack hanging off your back instead of that two-for-one special going on right now.

Or this - talked about your mixed message. [front] Look at my boobs! [back] Not for you! [front] Look at my boobs! [back] Not for you! [front] Look at my boobs! [back] Not for you! [front] Look at my boobs! LOOK AT MY BOOBS! LOOK AT MY BOOBS!

The background fabric of the dress is the low-key, mousy brown flecked knit of the classic red-heeled sock, which mimics the drab couture that is the fate of the female in all species that don't have access to peroxide, eyeshadow and nailpolish. Its usually the male that makes a big fashion display to attract females who may or may not be interested, but when the lady gets in the mood and dons this traffic-stopper, is there a man among us who can fail to get the point?

I am Sock Monkey Dress. Hear me roar.

Sock Monkey Dress by Minneapolis designer Rebecca Yakker

Flickr photos courtesy of various Minnessota State Fair goers with cameras

All images are thumbnails. Click to enlarge.

How To Make A Sock Monkey

Dress Boutique: May Your Days Be Merry And Bright

Hey, Dress Boutique - White Christmas called. They want their costumes back for the grande finale.

Timing is everything. When I passed by the dress boutique in the morning, there was a white fur stole around the shoulders of the mannequin in the middle. That would have made the connection complete, but even without white fur you can see that this one came straight off the 35 mm Movietone. The one in the middle is the obvious choice for Rosemary Clooney. Even back in those glory days of relative slimness for her, she had impressive bazooms and some undeniable junk in the trunk. You don't think that if that thing was hung on the bones of Vera Ellen that the safety straps would have been necessary, do you?

No, the anorexic Vera Ellen would have worn the one on the left - the one with the flat chest, fur ring at the knees and the bows placed at the hips to cast the widest possible shadow. Who else could wear that? Maybe Audrey Hepburn. That is to say, Audrey Hepburn could wear it, but I think we all recognize that she wouldn't. I mean, LOOK AT THAT THING. what a mish-mosh of add-ons! Maybe without the neckline crystals, the bow and the fur, it started out to be elegant and timeless but whose idea was it to add on three unrelated adornments and then call it done and walk away?

The dress on the other end at least has a trimmings theme going on. Note how the shoulder guards match the delicate ring of feathers at the calf. But as feathers go, these seem a bit morose, don't they? I don't know - if I was going to deck myself out in feathers, I think I might want something a little bit more Dolly Levi and a little less Dr. Seuss.

It would appear that the dress boutique has got itself a marketing department now. Observe the blatant "First You Gotta Get 'Em In The Door" tactic of displaying the gift-wrapped box with assorted merchandise atop it. If the devil is in the details, then we leave behind all notion of the wholesome Irving Berlin and go with Frederick's of Hollywood: "Santa Baby, I've been very, very bad. I deserve a pair of red hot spiked heels and an evening bag with a great big Gypsy Rose Lee bow to cover what's in front."

Dress Boutique: International Edition

Greetings, Dress Boutique Fans.

Sorry I've been so preoccupied with other things but -good news! - the cudgel has been picked up by Dave. Dave, the Houston host, the international traveler and the Official Friend of Suzette. You know how they say everyone has a twin somewhere in the world? Apparently, every dress boutique has a twin as well.

During a recent jaunt to Germany, Dave became across something that was too good to pass up. Not the mysterious Garlic Toes and Steel Bar Soup (which on its own was interesting enough) but also the sister to our Dress Boutique here in New Jersey.

You can read about it here: Eine Kliene Dress Boutique. Don't be shy - leave the guy a comment. After all, dress boutique awareness while on vacation halfway around the globe should be rewarded.

DRESS BOUTIQUE: DO-IT-YOURSELF KIT

I can see that without my regular Dress Boutique blogging, there is a sad lack of ballgown chatter on the internet. Don't make me responsible for this. It's a heavy burden to carry alone, my friends, and so I hereby deputize all of you to share the load. Please use the following components to create a "Dress Boutique" entry of your own. You can go back thru the Dress Boutique catagory to see previous examples of how its done. Post the result on your own website with a link back here, or send it to me via email and I'll post them all here.

Step 1. - Use this image to introduce the color and to set the general tone. You can insert it as a thumbnail with a larger pop-up , or crop it anyway you like.
Helpful hints:

• Start with snappy opening line, something like "The Easter Bunny called. He wants his purple dye back."

• Use humor to express derision for the overall theme of the window.

Step 2. - Select the dress that is the most eye-catching one to you. Take the full-sized images from these thumbnails and use them to illustrate a comedic point about one or two features on that particular dress.

Helpful hints:

• For the one on the left side, mention sparkles, netted shoulder wrap, "princess", dream date, prom, Barbie's second wedding or BeDazzler.
• Challenge yourself by attempting to make something out of the dull one in the middle. Not much there to work with - try "umbilical hernia".
• The dress on the right is a comedy gold-mine. Mention the giant side bustle with a tasteful allusion to hip deformities. Or go for the easy joke and use "falsies", "implants" or "built like Christie Whitman". Point out how many types of adornment are on that one dress.

Step 3. - Now write about some other area of fascination that has nothing to do with the dresses themselves.
 
Helpful hints:

• Go with some exposed secret of window dressing, like the curl-tie ribbon bracing up the center mannequin.

• Bonus points for highlighting the fact that the offending rhododendron bushes have been trimmed so they no longer obstruct the view of the ballgowns, a la MST3000.

Step 4. - Bring it home by either making fun of the people who would buy dreses like these and where they might wear them or by exposing your own yearning to possess dresses like these.

Step 5. - Now is the time to choose the name for your post based on what the focus of your entry is about. Follow the established format:
"DRESS BOUTIQUE: ___________________"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

UPDATE: DressFest 2005 is now underway.

Dress Boutique: Pretty In Pale
at Orientation::Quilter
Make sure you know what side to pin your hip doodad on. It might be a code.

Dress Boutique: Gone With The Wind Redux
at A Stitch In Time
Scarlett's second cousin, Violet O'Hara

Dress Boutique: Oh Say Can You See?

click thumbnails to enlarge images
Let's say that  the dress code at your holiday barbeque requires you to wear a ballgown. What to do? The dress boutique has just the sort of formalwear that you need for such an occaision.

Perhaps you are a finalist in the Miss American Firecracker pageant or riding on a League of Women Voters float in the county parade and need something with a little patriotic pizzazz. Here it is.

I wonder if this is a real ballgown for sale or if it is just an inspired bit of holiday window dressing? The bodice on the center dress is covered with individual sequins and the skirt is full and layered with fine tulle netting. Not cheap, so I can't imagine who would throw this togehter as a joke, but yet - who is going to buy this, really?

This patriotic window display may seem all Mom and Apple pie innocence at first glance, but once again the dress boutique has managed to send a hidden message to the naive ball gown shopper. And that message is temptation.

Is it not enough that the gown just screams "slink" with it's fancy beadwork and hippy hippy luciciousness? Note the delicious slither of beading making its way up the front of the dress. And if you haven't gotten the message yet, observe the shoulder strap with its forked and fangy flourish making its way over the nakedness shoulder. Talk about temptation - you don't even need the apple with this one.

And the blue dress over on the other side. Looking so simple, so striking , so sheer and see-through. Can you see the wooden base of the mannequin through the fabric? Take my word for it - it's just that sheer all the way up. No lining or pirate patches  for modesty here - this is for the lady who likes to make an unforgettable impression. Hand beading is very heavy so maybe the weight of this thing lulls the ladies into thinking that they are sufficiently covered up.

Sex sells - does anyone doubt it? The red and blue dresses will soon be making a big splash at any Independence Day party, but I fear that in the courfe of human eventf, it becomef felf-evident that  the one in the middle  is destined for the $99.00 sale rack as soon as it leaves the window display.

Dress Boutique: I Am Woman

When you're diving past the dress boutique, you never know what you are going to find. Consider this week's window display. click thumbnail to enlarge image

Observe the diverse offerings here: the dark maroon number on the left is created from countless tiny knife pleats in the chiffon.  Swank! The extravaganza of giant bows on the one in the middle looks like it was made with Ellie May Clampett in mind. On second thought, maybe not - I could see Ellie May in the giant shoulder bow, but Granny probably would not let her get away with that one at ground zero. But our focus here cannot be anything else except the beaded bodice on the right side of the window.

I'm guessing that the theme of this window is "I am Woman". Not content with letting the dresses speak to that fact by themselves, notice the enhancements we see here. The crystal pin in the cleavage of the dark maroon dress draws the eye from the boob crack on down. The big bow of the ruffled dress brings attention back to the how-do-you-say Venus area. And then there's those beads.

I don't know quite what to make of it. Check out the pirate patches under the swags of beads. I've inspected this very closely and cannot figure out what that is about. Is it part of the bodice for modesty's sake? If so, a blinking neon sign would  be more subtle. Is it just me, or do the black triangles call attention to that very area? If the dress is meant to be worn without the patches - for they don't seem to be attached in any way - are these things added on for the sake of the dummy's dignity?

Who knows? Perhaps they were trying to prevent the public from becoming overly excited by a peek at artificial and not-too-realistic boobies. After all, there was that incident with mannequin abduction in the past. Maybe the window dresser was just trying to hold the lid on the level of allure to prevent a similar occurance in this case.

Dress Boutique: MOB

all images in this post are thumbnails. click for larger versions.

It's rhododenron season all over New Jersey, even in front of the window of the dress boutique.  As I predicted, that one big bloom is right in my way. If you live in a part of the country that doesn't have rhodos, let me tell you that the next thing that will happen is that an 8" plume of greenery will rise up from the place that the flower was and obstruct even more of my view. Something will have to be done about it.

The window dressing this time is remarkable not for the color - a pukey pale pink - but because it marks the end of Prom season and the beginning of Mother Of The Bride season, and the dress on the right is the perfect thing. At first glance, you would think  this one would be a hot seller amongst the MOBs for the long-sleeved jacket alone. Believe me, no one wants to see flappy underarms in the receiving line so the jacket alone makes it worth the price for this outfit.

But that's not the main thing here. This appeals to the  MOBs because it's got a little bit of everything: unobrtusive coloration so as not to take away attention from the bride, very little crepe-y cleavage exposure, cloaking device for flappy underarms (see above) and slimming vertical seams. The real attraction here is that it takes the pressure of deciding on any one particular style off the poor old MOB. Typically, the MOB must calm the overwrought bride and take over the final details of the catering and floral arrangements, soothe the injured feelings of Aunt Marge because of disrespectful seating arrangements, and make sure Dad has black socks  and an appointment for a haircut 5 days before the wedding.

All this activity leaves precious little time for the MOB to shop for herself. In a rush, she must find a flattering ensemble and does not have time to dither around deciding on one single style. No need to fret, Mom - this one's got it all.

"Give me something sedate and tasteful.
NO - put rhinestones along every seam and hem!"

"I'd like a dress that has simple lines.
NO - add some fancy goldfish fins to the bottom!"

"The jacket should be closely fitted for a tailored look.
NO -  put those Liberace frills at the cuff!."

Continuing the tradition of a little something for everyone, we have the now-standard princess dress in the middle and look at what is on the left side! Do click on the thumbnail to see it in all its glory - not only is it a ghastly color, not only does it have big patches of sequins that proudly proclaim  "here are my nips", but its got that very fetching ruching thing going on. Does it not evoke  Lily Munster's cape? Perhaps they are going for the luxury look by trying to imitate  the way you use fabric to cover an electrical cord that hangs from the ceiling. Be careful where you wear this one. The way the fabric falls on this is referred to as “coffin-lining “ – probably not a good omen at a wedding.

Dress Boutique: Tiny Dancer

Out with  the Beautiful Blue of last week's window and in with the Oh La La Orange. click thumbnail for larger image

Remember the glimpse I caught last week of the raspberry ballerina dress? Apparently, we are seeing the beginning of a trend: short hemlines and wildly full netty skirts, complete with double petticoats. What is the occaision that calls for this type of dress? Is it a prom dress? I don't know that I'd give up my probably first full-length formal gown for something that is more suited for rotating inside of a jewelry box.

Although the window dressing seems particularly sloppy this time (note the croooked boobline of the middle dress and the bungee cord holding the dress on the right onto the dummy), care is taken to accessorize appropriately. There must be a great collection of co-ordinating necklaces, little purses  and shawls inside there. One day I may get up the nerve to go in, but I doubt if I'd be able to document the experience in photos.

What is going on with this dress? Is it too small to be closed in the back (Wouldn't be the first time) or is it designed to show as much back skin as possible? If that's the case, it seems a risky business to wear this one outside the dresing rooom. Maybe it comes with its own little bottle of spirit gum to keep it plastered to your  flesh.

Call me easily influenced, but the more time I spend in front of the dress boutique window, the more I am starting to think that I need to have a formal ball gown.  Something with glitter and a big full skirt. It seems unlikely that I would ever need one in the life I lead now, but maybe I could make something happen if I try hard enough.

Although I am staying at the Wynn next month. I wonder if I could go glittering around there?

Dress Boutique: Oooh! Blue!

It was an exciting evening at the  dress boutique. First of all, I got caught.

I was looking forward to the arrival of daylight savings time because the light is easier on my poor old camera and the photos seem to come out better if it's not challenged by that dark-of-night vs. bright  spotlight contrast. But since the cover of darkness was lifted, I was easy to spot standing outside the window lining up the shot. Even my own  lens caught me, cast in a reflection of the middle dress. click image to enlarge

More embarassing than that , though, was when the owner came outside to speak to me. "Beautiful window, isn't it?" she said. And I did what is always my first instinct - I lied. Not just lied,  but spun an elaborate yarn. Oh, she was very nice to me and obviously proud of the dress boutique. The more questions she asked, the father into it I got. ( Message to my sister just in case she  is reading this: Bets, you'll be interested to know that you are going to a formal affair on the third weekend in June. It's a hospital benefit. Also, you live in a small town on the Pennsylvania/Ohio border.)

On the one hand, there was no reason to lie and that just made me worse about it. I could have just said that I admired the dress display - which is the truth - but I felt the need for a cover story. On the other hand, the longer we talked, the longer the woman held the door open and I could see inside. What treasures are in there, I wonder?  Most of the dresses were on a rack  and covered with dress bags, but right in front on a thick hanger hung the most fascinating creation: low-cut, sleeveless,  raspberry red, full tulle ballerina-length skirt, tight little waist covered in sequins from the nips to the pubes. Kind of like Lucy Ricardo meets Mrs. Rhett Butler.

The shop was closed, but she invited me to come back, gave me a few websites that sell certain brands of the dresses she carries  and was just overwhelmingly friendly. (Interesting fact: the shop carries sizes 2 to 26.) I would say that she was more merchant than fashion maven, but nice. Very, very nice. So nice that now I don't have the heart to follow through on my plan to clip off that damned rhododendron.

Back to the dreses: the blue is a most attractive shade, don't you think? After months of studying the window display, I see that there is no variation from the successful pattern that we see here: one clinging, one insanely ruffled and one full-skirted money maker in the middle. That is not to say that the dress boutique is losing its grip on me. Quite the contrary - I feel that I am performing valuable field research for those who might not have access to display windows such as this and yet have a yen to know the ins and outs of ball gowns.

Take this display, for instance. Close inspection reveals that those corseted boustier type tops are indeed that - tops only.  These are not gowns at all but are 2-piece outfits!  Short of shopping for a sparkly formal wear yourself, how would you know that if it wasn't for me?

 

Dress Boutique: Big Fat Dummies

The Dress Boutique is all decked out in the colors of the season: spring green and daffodil yellow. It's a welcome sight and makes a very nice window display. click photo for larger image

But look again - there is something not quite right about the mannequin in the middle. Something a little off kilter. It nagged me a little bit but I didn't really bother to analyze it while I was standing there admiring the delicate lace of the pale yellow on the left and the deeper tones of the other endpiece with the delightful floral spray of rhinestones across the front. But when I got back into my car and took one final glimpse from a side angle, it all became clear to me: The dress dummies are too fat.

Check out the waistline on the dress dummies. That clipped little waist would make even Barbie proud. How big would you say they are? Maybe 24, 26 inches? What size would that be? About a 5, I'd say -perhaps a 7.  Is that the size of the average American ballgown wearer?

Apparently not. The green dress can't even be zipped up the back. So the secret of the "$99.00 Dress Sale", so proudly trumpted on a banner waving in front of the Dress Boutique becomes clear: excedingly small sizes only. And boobs are Out.

Pity the poor plus-sized prom girl, fie on the fat femmes and so sorry to the softig sisters - if even the petite little mannequins cannot squeeze into the ballgowns, there's nothing  for you here.

Dress Boutique: Bunny Fur

The prodigal mannequin has returned and the dress boutique celebrates by wrapping it in the primo outfit of this week's display.  click thumbnail for larger image

Who among us does not like a good pink prom dress? But how can we enhance that Sweet Sixteen feeling when one is already wearing a tulle overlay and glittery spangles? The answer is obvious:  bunny fur - hot pink bunny fur. While  the appealing details of the other two dresses are hard to ignore -  the lovely sideways ruffles on the pale pink in the center or the sassily embroidered bodice of the plus-size number (No Prom Girl Left Behind!), it's really all about that bunny fur stole, isn't it?

Last month, a demure little classic white bunny fur stole with a pom-pom of fur  insteadof a button holding it together appeared on a hanger in the other, less interesting window of the shop. You've seen it a hundred times, if not a real live prom girl, then draped around a stitcom daughter's shoulders. Think Mary Stone or Betty Anderson and whoever was David Nelson's date for the big dance. (Ricky's girlfriend would so not have worn one.)  It just hung there, sort of crooked, as if the owner decided to run it up the shop window and see who salutes. My guess is that it generated a lot of comment, but today's modern ball gown shopper was not willing to invest in unaltered vintagewear.

The clever dressmaker at the boutique whipped out the shears and the hot pink dye and voila ici! who could resist it now? Observe it's girly new sash closure and the saucy tilt of its drape off the shoulder. That is a clear message to the prom-goers that this is not your grandma's bunnyfur but rather the birth of a daring and moderne trend. There are no hot pink bunnies in nature, so the color throws off the PETA people long enough to make an escape and blend in with other  neon-colored fur wearers. Note how the drama of the soft fur of the stole  and the cool mermaid scales of the dress bodice play off of each other. It's brilliant.

Bonus Feature: Honorable mention to the pale pink number in the center. It was a tough call this week to decide on the focus for commentary. Ruffles and embroidery can only carry you so far, but you have to admire a skirt whose inspiration comes right off the bakery display shelf in the form of a sfogliatelle.

Yummy!

Dress Boutique: The Case Of The Missing Mannequin

Whoa! A mannequin has gone missing from the dress boutique window. When I first spotted this six days ago, I thought that it was temporarily taken inside to be outfitted, but that was six days ago. I doubt if they are having that much trouble finding a third black dress so I have come to the conclusion that foul play must be involved.

But who would want it? If it had a head and a face, well then I might be able to construct a scenario of a lonely soul -  besotted by the starry eyes in a beautiful oval face and bewitched by the graceful posture - fantasizing about dancing off with the vision of loviness that stands ready and faithfully waiting in the shop window. But there are no eyes to gaze up adoringly, no head to lean in and offer a smooth cheek,  no arms to delicately rest in waltz position.

Are creamy shoulders and a trim little waist enough to sustain a fantasy? I guess if Fred Astaire could dance with a coat tree and make it look like he enjoyed it so much, then a thief with romantic longings could easily make a nice evening out of it with the missing mannequin. Perhaps that is all the comfort he has.

Those of us who have the luxury of real arms to hold us should not judge.

Dress Boutique: Joy! *

Oh, Dress Boutique, Dress Boutique! You cheerful purveyor of  sweet dreams. In the depth of  the winter bleak, you bring us the promise of  candy-colored  galas in chiffon that billows around us almost without movement.
click image to enlarge

How charming to climb past the snow berms, soiled from car exhaust and countless turning wheels to find this vision of happiness.   Sherbet is in, I guess. Can't you just imagine a room full of these lovelies, spinning out as we twirl and dip? Thank you, Dress Boutique for doing your part to keep us hanging on until spring comes.

While the colors are gay and uplifting,  and the yellow and green confections seem to follow the rules of timeless classic design (if you count 1955 - 1964 as  the classic period ), they still don't seem to get it that the overly ruffled look is Not Good.

[So far, my connection to the Dress Boutique  is purely observational. I regret to tell you that I may soon take action against that one  ambitious rhododenron branch that insists on getting into the frame. See it there at the bottom?  It's frozen now and the petals are collapsed like an umbrella. What will happen when things warm up  and it unfurls and stretches another 6' upwards? It's really starting to bother me. It's in my way. I might have to start packing my Martha Stewart green pruning shears a few weeks earlier than I had originally planned.**

* I poke the giant.

** I start carrying thesee around when the weather warms up and I am inspired to walk the dog around the neighborhood streets.  Why should I be bothered by branches and vines drooping into my pathway?

Dress Boutique: Ayyyiii!

Imagine you saw a ball gown in the window of a dress shop and when your eyeballs came to a full stop upon it, you had no choice but to exclaime "Cripes in a corset - they can't really be serious!". What would that dress look like? Would it look anything like this? click for larger image

I suppose that if you were going to a formal and your escort was Ronald McDonald, or maybe if you were going to see Clarabelle recieve a Lifetime Achievement award, then this gown might work but other than that, I can't imagine where anyone would wear a thing like this. Let me make sure that you understand what you are looking at: observe the color-coordinated beading on the bodice. That's hand work and it doesn't come cheap. The fabric has a rich look and there's plenty of it, so this dress must be a costly thing. Why would they turn it out in such garish colors?

And look at the cut of it. The woman who wears this creation would have to be fairly confident of their own appearance. Not necessarily "beauty", but all that skin sticking out. Bare arms. Cleavage. One would have to be fairly firm and relatively unblemished to go for that style. So why gum things up with an unpleasant coloration?

Or is it just me?

If it's true that every pot has a lid, I wonder what the person who buys this dress could be like?

Dress Boutique: Black and Blue

Remember when Ronald Reagan was elected and the country watched with interest as Hollywood glamour lit up the White House? The effect was especially striking after the dreary Cardigan  Carter Years. Oh, that Nancy - say what you will, she at least knew how to make a statement with her wardrobe. And, of course, she bought dishes, too but that is to be remarked upon at another time. click for larger image

What we are seeing here is the story writ again in the dress shop window. Remember last month's display when it looked like the country was going for Kerry? The drab cobwebs in the window then were a foreshadoing of what we could look forward to under a Democratic administration: colorless lives for the masses while Teresa cornered the world market of green pantsuits.

But now look - on the coattails of the Republican electoral victory we see the blazing return of fancy fashion! Shiny fabrics! Contrasting colors! Elegant designs! Generous amounts of rich fabric embellished and ornamented to reflect the positive mindset of Ball Gown-wearing America.

Take to the streets and dance, America. Dance in your fancy ball gowns.

Now some of you may be doubting the conclusions I have drawn by this window display , but I ask you to coinsider again: note the sensitive use of black and blue to symbolize our national battering at the hands of the NYT, CBS  and other  MSM. If next month's display is done up in Condi Red, you'll know I'm right.

Dress Boutique: the Cobweb Collection

I think we've finally located Miss Havesham's wedding dress and it's in the window of the dress boutique. I'm starting to think that this place is the Odd Lot of ball gowns. I mean really - is this what they're wearing this year? Or maybe they do it like car auctions, where all the buyers stand around and cringe at what's before them but think they might be able to make a profit on it if they put in the winning bid. These must have come from the Ghastly Dress Auction.

I find them particularly offensive because last week, I caught a glimpse of the most beautiful deep aqua gowns on display. I was planning to scrutinize them to see which one I preferred for the Bush Inaugural Ball in 2005 but instead I find these forlorn and unlovely garments. I feel sorry for them.

Dress Boutique: Brown

The ballgown display in the highway dress boutique this month says Brown! Brown! Brown! I don't know but if I were looking for a ballgown, it wouldn't be a brown one.  I guess they were trying to co-ordinate with the fall color scheme but if that was the case, you'd think they might have put up one gold, one red and one orange gown. This time the display is a real loser. click photo for larger image

Dress Boutique: Pink

On a two lane secondary highway in New Jersey, between Turnpike Exit 8 and civilization, there is a very small building. It seems to have started out as a 4 room house - it couldn't have been any more than that. Now its a showroom of women's fancy dresses.

I don't know how else to describe these - they're pretty fancy, don't you think? In fact, they're so fancy I wonder where people are going in them? The display changes every month and the three dummies are always dressed in a compatible color. The spotlights are so bright that you could guide the ships at sea and there is always a sparkly number in the mix. Look at the one in the middle. Where else would you wear that one except to an introduction to the court at Versailles?  [click thumbnail for larger image ]

I drive past this place whenever I go to the main office and I've been meaning to stop for a quite a while to take this picture and to mock the dresses and the useless women who would ornament themselves with them. But with darkenss falling around me and home-bound traffic wizzing by, I found myself standing there wondering if a strapless gown in hot pink velvet with an ornately jeweled collar would be suitable for a Xmas gathering in Newark Airport.