Cripes, Suzette!

MOO, Formerly Known as MO

Without question, the most touching moment in last night's address was when the leader of the free (ride) world quoted a touching letter from deceased lion, Ted Kennedy:

 

Take one part maternity top, one part big top circus tent and add pleats, pleats, pleats. And don't forget the bow!

 

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama, shows  America her particular brand of personal style by accentuating her least flattering body parts: her awesome abdomen, her badonkulous butt and her thunder thighs.

 Can I ask again who is dressing this woman? Granted, she's been packing on the pounds over the course of the summer but surely there was something just a bit more flattering hanging in the closet.

UPDATE: You know, I follow a lot of MOO fanblogs-they have the best pictures. Predictably,  they stay true to form and are very complimentary to this ensemble. Keep this picture in mind as I repeat parts of comments made at one of them:

...

• Lovely squared!
• that broach was too cute.
• I saw her walk out this evening ,and sadly, instead of being excited about the address all I could think of was, 'I want that jacket!' The bow was just perfect, and the pleats in the back made it all the more lovely.
• I think we all just knew that Mrs. O could bring her own personality to the suit. She looks fabulous. Love that brooch, too. Two thumbs way up from me.
• I loved th color, but HATED the style. Its too darn conservative, and blah.
• Lovely color, matronly cut and fabric. (That's a compliment? - Ed.)
• Bows and Pleats oh my! A+ outifit!
• I guess she didn't want her arms or her outfit to outshine her husbands message.

What Would A World Without Ted Kennedy Be Like?

Never in all my 8 1/2 years of blogging have I mentioned search requests that bring readers to my site but today is the day. I'm proud to tell you that this little post of mine is the number one result out of a billion and a half possibilities for the request "what would a world without ted kennedy be like?"

I hope they enjoyed themselves when they arrived here.

Damning Evidence Against Ted Kennedy

Look, if the Dems can keep Teddy's memory alive with constant references, I don't think I should have to stop blogging about him just because he's finally dead. I have come across something so upsetting that I must share it with you. Look at these two photos:

 

Ted's marriage to Joan Bennett was a big church affair with a ceremony performed by Francis Cardinal Spellman and a formal reception attended by hundreds of guests. His marriage to Victoria Reggie was a radically smaller civil ceremony at his home in McLean VA.

AND YET BOTH WEDDINGS HAD ESSENTIALLY THE SAME CAKE.

If you are not disturbed by this, then I suggest that you think about it a little more. Both photos have exposure problems so allow me to lay it out for you: those cakes are both adorned with yellow flowers, lack a proper cake topper, have white icing embellishments all over the sides and tops, and are 3 tiers tall.

Big wedding extravaganza = 3 tier cake. Small wedding = 3 tier cake. Does that seem right to you? This reveals something very bad about the groom but I don't quite have it all worked out yet. If I was the type of person who drew conclusions from public photographs of people I have never met, I'd have it all ready now but all I'm going to say right now is DOES THIS SEEM RIGHT TO YOU?

I find it highly suspicious.

Women For Kennedy

There's a lot of speculation right now about who will fill Ted Kennedy's Senate seat until the special election in January '10. Most of the money rides on the WEED-oh. Someone from another country answered me just that way when I asked about marital status. It has never left me. Is it not so much more musical than WID-oh?

I'm not so sure. I think there are several women who would be equally suitable. Take, for instance, the following list:

 World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama. She is certainly capable of filling Ted's shoes. In fact, she might even surpass the mark that Ted made - on the Brannock Device. She's actually not a bad pick for this. She's already familiar with where Boston and Martha's Vineyard are - what else is Massachusetts is she likely to be interested in anyway? No one would dare get in front of that purposeful stride of hers to stop her and - bonus!- she's already girlfriends with Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of the other US Senator from MA. Think of the soireés they could have together- with Teresa's money and Teresa's taste and MO's ... uh, ...well, whatever. Soireés. Or maybe Big Mo and Big JFK-no-the-other-one could do a Tour of the Giants, going around the state making some kind of half-hearted food-policy statement by harvesting some organic cranberries or perhaps a public beheading of an organic turkey for Thanksgiving. Teresa and Barry could stay home and bond by reminiscing about the good old days when they lived in Africa. The more I think about it, the better this idea sounds. She'd be a shoe-in. (Har!)

Natasha Fatale.  Uh-oh. Does anybody else smell BATTLE OF THE WINE-BOTTLE SHAPED WOMEN WITH PURPLE DRESSES AND BARE ARMS? This bold section carries some risk of a big Mo backlash but would be worth it because of her obvious connections to the Russians. Back in the 80s, American hero Ted Kennedy was pretty busy conspiring with our Cold War enemy, the Soviet Union, against the interests of the United States government. What a guy, huh? In the end, the Ruskies didn't go for it, but dollink with an insider like Natasha, Ted Kennedy's life work of treason could be carried on.

Aunt Zeituni. Talk about your Boston insider! Here we have a little old lady, emigrating (more or less) from a poverty-stricken country, doesn't know anybody or how anything works when she lands here and in a very short time has managed to redirect good deal of American tax dollars for her benefit, complete with subsidized housing, a hip replacement and lottery tickets. This is one smart cookie - if she managed all that on her own flying under the radar of the law, imagine what she could accomplish with the state of Massachusetts behind her. Look at that picture taken as she emerged from the courtroom after her successful deportation challenge - she instinctively turned herself into a Kennedy-esque red head without even knowing there'd be some kind of Irish-related opportunity in her future. You can't learn that - you have to be born with that kind of intuition. Of course, her obvious familial connections don't hurt, either.

  Chelsea Clinton. Oh, wise and all knowing Interent - please let this one be true! It's too delicious. Have you heard about all the hubub going on right now for what is rumored to be Chelsea Clinton's imminent wedding? Guess where? CHAPPAQUIDDICK. Burn! Would this not be the icing on the big fat Kennedy fail cake if the whole of the MSM was forced to report a triumph of the Clintons at a location that they could not help but tie to Teddy's cowardly actions and subsequent cover-up in 1969? Maybe not the best choice among the herd here, but she's be a fairly good pick. She's got the Let's Ruin American Healthcare gene from her mom, her dad's philandering gene while dormant in her must be able to signal somehow to the people of Massachusetts who seem to admire that so much, and when the time comes to vote on the healthcare bill, she could probably activate the YES button with that expression alone.

Me Too

Have I ever told you how much I love The Huffington Post?

It's like The Real Housewives of the Media over there. You know it's trashy and non-representative of the greater population, but you just can't help watching it to squeal over how divorced from reality they are and their lack of self-awareness about how they come off to the rest of the country. The Real Housewives franchise, same as HuffPo, makes you feel good about yourself because hey, you might be a dope but at least you're not as dopey as those characters.

Ya gotta love this:

Whoa! Wait a minute - is that what the healthcare act is going to do for us? Give us everything that medical science has to offer? I did not know that. This is a game-changer. Money is no object - let's try it all, wot the hell. Ok then - I'm in.

And while we're at it, I'd like to have the same real estate holdings that Ted Kennedy had in his last year, as well as his fleet of vehicles, his reserved parking spots and his power to die of something other than liver disease. Throw in the knighthood, too.

Living In A World Without Ted Kennedy

A few follow-up thoughts:

I was just joking when I said that World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama was going to wear her pope dress to the funeral, but son of a gun if she didn't do just that. It's actually a blouse and skirt. You can see that she's wearing a different skirt than she wore at the pope meeting - probably didn't have enough room in the steamer trunks then for her bustle. So glad she got a chance to wear it yesterday.

She likes to wear a big bow on her chest. Observe:

(image of the Bo Bow courtesy of The Proprietor)

Now can I just ask what is up with Hillary's hairdo? I know it was raining but we've seen countless pictures of her in all types of weather conditions over the years and she never looked like this. This is the same flat, non-styled thing she had going on when she snapped at that African student last month. Did somebody cut the hairdresser out of the State Department budget? I'm looking at you, Barry. I know you two have had your differences in the past but that was low.

Also, who among us does not love to watch MO bang her head on the airplane door over and over again?

link via Jana

She fell asleep during Ted's funeral service but I can't find any video of that yet. Check out this photo - no little eye.

  

Her little eye appears when she's tired, and although she looks generally ragged, both eyes are the same size. She banged that coconut pretty hard so I'm thinking concussion. That would account for her droopiness. It will be interesting to watch Mo's visibility over the next few days. Let's see if they keep her under wraps during her recovery. 

Dear Michelle,

Even though the media keeps calling you "young", you're not exactly a spring chicken. You're what - 45 now? Unless you're planning on living past 110, that puts you on the downhill side. Here's a tip - if Barry comes a-knockin' on your bedroom door DON'T LET HIM IN. I think you've heard enough about what happens to the olds when they need medical treatment. I tried to tell Ted Kennedy the same thing but he didn't listen and you know how that turned out.

Fondly, Suzette

Huffington Post Writes Ted Kennedy's Epitaph

link

Bury Me Deep, Bury Me Wide

Ted Kennedy gets buried today. Not the off-the-shelf casket for our Teddy - not that he could fit in one anyway. A custom-ordered, designed-to-fit model has been standing at the ready ever since Ted ran out of treatment options to buy for his inoperable- yet operated on - brain tumor.

(coffin image courtesy of The Proprietor)

Kennedy's longtime friend and fuck buddy, Chris Dodd , wondered aloud of good old Ted was alone in there. He reminisced about the good old days when they shared waitresses out in the open and expressed admiration for Ted's ability to carry on even when sealed up for eternity.

Following a funeral mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Payola, Kennedy will be transported to Washington to be buried in the sacred ground of Arlington National Cemetary, over the objections of the ground itself. The dirt is of the opinion that the feculence that is the rotting corpse of the filthy and despicable  Kennedy is even dirtier than the dirt and would only lower the standard and reputation of the muck and mire.

The family has requested no bouquets but if you insist, please use the long-time family florist who understands the Kennedys and knows what they like.

How To Dress For Ted Kennedy's Funeral

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama has interrupted her vacation among the elites to travel to Boston for Ted Kennedy's funeral service. Short of cash after buying fried seafood and short of time after bicycling in the dune grass, the clever fashion-forward first lady, unafraid to re-wear her designer threads,  shook out her pope dress, strapped up her boobs with her trademark chest belt and jammed on her size 14 kitten heels to make the trip over to Boston to attend Ted Kennedy's funeral service.

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama was not the only first lady in attendance. Hillary Clinton (First Lady of Arkansas 1979-1992 AND  First Lady of America 1992-2001) also made the trip. She delivered a heartfelt message she had been composing for Senator Kennedy since January 27, 2008.

Ex-wife Joan "The Dish" Kennedy wore a trout pout and the cumulative lifetime burden of ever being married to Ted Kennedy.

The only Kennedy even more of a pig than Ted, Ethel "The Uterus" Kennedy, has hardly been been in camera frame at all. Nobody loves a good-old fashioned Catholic ritual more than our little Ethie. Ethel wore a conservative suit and accessorized with a whackjob offspring better known for reckless driving and consorting with South American dictators.

UPDATED: Ethel, you big old freckle - we luvs ya. I must say, Ethie, you have managed to maintain a tradional and classic wardrobe right up into your 81st year. Lost your hairbrush, though - didn't you?

Death Taps Ted Kennedy

Death visits Senator Kennedy

(image courtesy of The Proprietor)

Despite the finest medical treatment and surgical intervention that money could buy, Ted Kennedy finally died. Long after being diagnosed with terminal cancer, out of the public eye for months, hanging by a thread but still able to write self-serving letters to popes and governors, he was called to the Lord on August 27, 2009. Immediately thereafter,  the Lord said "Sorry, wrong number" and handed the phone over to Satan, who already had the roaster fired up.

After a gluttonous and immoral lifetime marked by dishonesty, drunken debauchery, overindulgence  and criminal behavior, the well-known poster boy for killing both the unborn and the submerged found himself at the end of life's dock. Nothing if not tenacious, he clung to a life prolonged by all that modern medicine had to offer until Barack Obama was called in to say the special aloha he created for seniors who should not be seeking life-saving treatments because they are going to die anyway.

He is survived by his wife Altovise, his ex-wife Joan, three children, two step-children that noboy ever heard of until Altovise wrote the obiturary, and his beloved Portuguese waterdogs Sunny, Splash and GlubGlubGlub.

Because The Last Sick Old Person He Visited Said Aloha Right Afterwards

Chance of Obama Visit Highlights Bond With Kennedy

"With Kennedy now at his vacation home in Hyannis Port on Cape Cod and Obama setting off on his weeklong stay on nearby Martha's Vineyard, there's speculation the president may come see the ailing senator." AP

Dear Ted,

Charge  up  your motorized wheelchair make tracks for Route 6 pronto. Barry's coming and YOU KNOW what his plans are for sick old people. He's looking for personal examples about the folly of performing medical procedures on people who are going to die anyway.

First he pounded everybody over the head with that story of his grandmother's broken hip but we've all heard that one by now. He needs a new story "even a man of power and influence ... all his wealth couldn't save him ...  experimental treatment after a terminal diagnosis ..."  Yada yada. It'll play in the heartland.

You're in for it, Ted, unless you skedaddle out of town before he gets there. Ah well, might be no use anyway. He's like a one-an death panel with his own air plane. Be sure to say hello to Madelyn for us. And that other girl - what was her name?

                                                                               Best regards, Suzette

UPDATE: