Cripes, Suzette!

I Could Have Written About Jerry Lewis Today But Instead I'd Like To Float The Idea of Giving go-FAIR One of Those French Medals for Comedy

Happy Bastille Day, ma bougies.

We each celebrate in our own manner. On the plus side, I had deux oeufs for my petite dejuner. On the minus side, I had already started using the soap in the shower before I remembered what day it was. Later on, I'll spend a moment staring at the Matisse print on my office wall, and during the evening hours,  I'll have a bit of Bordeaux which I heard on NPR yesterday goes well with nacho chips so, OK then.

And now, in honor of all those of French heritage, I will recreate the wittiest bit of dialog ever written for television. In an episode of the TV show The Love Boat, in which "two American gold-diggers pretend to be French" , Gopher, the ship's bursar whom the girls refer to as "go-FAIR", gets dangerously close to discovering the ploy and so to distract him, one of the girls spills red wine on his white uniform. In the fractured Franglish with which they have been getting by, the girl feigning regret, says:"Ooh go-FAIR, je suis des-o -lay." and an exasperated Gopher mops his jacket and responds "Je suis Beaujolais!"

 hohn HOHN!

Sunday Night Riddle (Suspension of Exactitude Required)

Q: What's red and white and red and white and red and white and red and gunmetal metallic?

A: I am eating a red steak and drinking red wine and I just poked my fork into half of a red tomato and the whole thing is covered in white, white sea salt. Also, I decided to spend my federal jury duty money on a flashy gunmetal metallic handbag and a fake white mink jacket from QVC. 

Say what you want about me, but you've got to admit that I've got it going on.