Cripes, Suzette!

Three Things About Driving

1. You know you're in Nashville if ...

2.How to conserve fossil fuel: You take a woman executive business traveler who is primarily interested in comfort and give her a a low slung hot rod that she has to contort herself to get into and that she bangs her hairdo on the ceiling every time she gets in and out and believe me, driving will be minimized.

3. I'm going to change my name to Barbie because every time I rent a car, they give me a Malibu. I've been complaining about the lack of variety in car interior colors and moaning about how colorful dashboards used to be. I won't ever do THAT again because someone else (Mr. Chevrolet, I guess) was thinking the same thing. This is very unsettling.

Putting the POW! Into Power Washing

Last weekend, our neighbor borrowed a professional machine and powerwashed  about 600 ft of sidewalk in front of three properties, including ours.

 A feat like that cannot go unanswered so Sami spent yesterday power washing our airstrip-like  cement driveway. He borrowed the other neighbor's machine, which is as big an any used at an airport or naval base. It took all day and at one point he had to call in the reserves (our daughter, whom I had slated for weed-pulling that day.)

Today, he applied some kind of cement/concrete (what is the difference, really?) sealer. It didn't take as long as yesterday's task, so he took on the power washing of the patio in the back. He met up with the creeping mulch from the rose garden so it took a long, long time and now my mulch is eroded from underneath. Considering the fact that I applied the Bayer 3-in-1 Insect and Disease Control Spray on Saturday morning, we have some pretty messed up crickets staggering around out there.

I'm on the road all this week and Lord knows what he'll be up to. Our roof is about 16 years old and at one point recnetly, he declared that he (an arthritic, Lyme Disease recoveree, senior citizen) was going to replace it himself. For once, I'm glad that the weather report is solid thunderstorms for almost the entire time I'll be gone.

Although, that might not stop him.

Clinging To A Blackberry

Ol' Silver Tonsils doesn't use words loosely. Everything that comes out of his mouth is "calibrated" for an intended effect.

Obama: I used to pray every night - now I pray ALL the time
(and get devotionals on my Blackberry) Daily Mail UK

Gawd. What a sly ass. The Blackberry Prayer? Really?

" The Blackberry Prayer: The supplicating position one assumes when grasping the popular six-ounce wireless combination e-mailer/phone known as the BlackBerry between your palms and thumb-tapping messages on its QWERTY keyboard."  Urban Dictionary

It makes one wonder, doesn't it, if every one of his sentences is peppered with purposefully provocative words and phrases that are not what they seem to be on the surface. The use of "jigger" in the race baiting firebomb he threw out Wednesday night, the implication that the Secret Service would shoot him if he tried to enter a locked  White House, the blue collar-style libation he suggested as a peacemaker between police and accuser.

I find that last one particularly interesting because the only beers BO consumes are for the cameras. The drinking preferences of both Obamas has been obsessively cataloged all over the internet. Evey breathless report about those romantic dates nights includes a reference to World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama's™ two pre-dinner martinis and mentions the selections of fine wines during the meal.

But for this high-profile event, the drink offered is a beer.  Why? Because the cop is a blue-collar man in America? Maybe Professor Gates will change his plans and do a documentary on beer-drinkers for PBS.

Life With Barry

 

Recap of Obama Press Conference On the State of Modern Healthcare:

 

"...  you've got a bad sore throat or your child has a bad sore throat or has repeated sore throats, the doctor may look at the reimbursement system and say to himself, "You know what? I make a lot more money if I take this kid's tonsils out." Barack Obama, July 2009

More Tonsil horror:

• IMAO - What To Do If A Doctor Is After Your Kid's Tonsils

I'm Calling "WIG"

Well-known country music fan Michelle Obama Shows Off New 'Do. And By 'Do, We Mean "WIG"

 

Are those little white hairs sticking out by her hairline there?  I guess she didn't want the big black hairs sticking out the back to be lonely.

 

...........

Also, no slip! That's what makes her a World Famous Fashion Icon - she makes her own rules. My hunch is that she figured she gave enough attention to conformity by wearing something with the waistline in the right place for  a change, so why push it by going conventional all the way.

What's up with that little sad sack Sanchez? Have you noticed the disparate amount of attention given to these two girls? Oh, you see an occasional photo of this poor thing smiling but only when she's alone. Put them together and the spotlight always shines on Malaria.

Multiples

Incident #1: This morning I came downstairs and found 40 rolls of toilet paper in the front hallway. then I saw 6 boxes of Kleenex on the kitchen table. Obviously, Kimberly Clark products went on sale and  Sami the midnight shopper was there to make a strike..

Incident #2: I picked up a carton of blueberries and immediately lost my grip on it. Blueberries bounced all over the inside of the refrigerator, on the floor and even into my robe pockets. That's a lot of blueberries to pick up one by one.

It's still early in the day but I sure do hope this trend for multiples reverses because tonight is Martini Club and I don't want to open up a Martinied-up mouth IN CASE I MEET UP WITH A COP.

Toenails

My toenails are in a good place right now.

• They are long enough so that I can put them against the desk drawer at a 90° angle and make noises with them if I want to but not so long that they get caught on things when I walk around barefooted.
• I like to keep my toenails squared off and not too short. Ideally, corresponding toenails on each foot should be identical length.
• Right now they are flawlessly painted in Fancy Nancy #37. Over the weekend, I was having time management issues and the ends of all my toes and some of the toe sides got painted as well as the nails. I figured that was better than walking around with chipped polish.
• I always take care of my own toenails because the one time I turned them over to someone else, I ended up with 10 toenails that were filed into points.
• Sometimes I look at fully-clothed people and speculate what their toenails look like. It's never good.
• I was going to take a picture of my toenails to show how lovely they are but when I looked down, I noticed that the beauty mark from my right master toe wasn't there anymore. Disturbing.

Busted

Opening point: I have no love for the cops.

Although I am a law-abiding citizen, except that I am inclined to speed a little bit and sometimes perform unorthodox maneuvers while driving, I have been on the receiving end of police attention many, many times. And you know what? You always lose. Whether you are right or wrong, you  lose because the cops have the power.

Henry Louis Gates Jr was arrested.People who believe that he was arrested for breaking and entering his own home are the same people who believe that Bill Clinton was impeached for sex acts. Does no one read any farther than the headlines these days? People, please - have a little intellectual curiosity instead of falling back on ingrained knee-jerk reactions.

He was arrested but not because some racist cops responded to a complaint from a racist neighbor. He was arrested for sassing the cops. I understand you perfectly, Henry Louis Gates Jr. I often replay my police encounters in my head, rehashing what I should have said or practicing withering remarks for the next time. But when I get pulled over, I just sit silently until its over. Sometimes I cry. You can't make it better - you can only make it worse. In the end, the police have the power to make it worse for you and I sincerely believe it depends on how they feel at the moment.

There's a lot being written about this on the news outlets and on the blogs today about it but the most sensible commentary I've read about it was in the comments  on Gawker:

So now you know - I am an appeaser.  An appeaser with an inclination for sarcasm and an inclination for scathing putdowns. But I am an appeaser who never got cuffed because I know when to shut it.

UPDATE:  Charges against Gates have been dropped.

 Here's a picture snapped by one of the bystanders. Note the calm impassive expressions on the cops. They know they are in control. What's it to them how many citizens are upset?   Also note the black cop. So much for racism. Al Sharpton is already at Harvard Square Station waiting for a train back to New York.

I'm sure Gates pulled the old "Don't you know who I am?" thing. Now it seems its more like a case of elitism rather than racism. Hah-vad professor, doncha know?  Maybe he's one of those riches that are going to pay all of our taxes. They had to let him go so he could start writing out checks for our Obamacare.

This Is A Big Ramble So Feel Free To Just Skip Down To The Part About Charo

I hate myself for getting roped into watching CSI/Law & Order. It's not like I went out looking to watch CSI. As with almost everything else on TV, I have no interest in first run shows - except for my idol and role model, Judge Judy* - but if I'm exposed to them on a regular rerun basis, then I get hooked. It happened with The Waltons when I went on maternity leave (for 11 years) and now it happened with CSI/Law & Order.

[You can skip this whole paragraph. I just have to justify for myself how this happened.] As I've mentioned before, I keep the TV on in the background while I do my morning mail. QVC was my background of choice until the cable company started blacking out channels  one by one in order to force purchase of additional cable boxes. I refuse to be manipulated like that so that leaves me with dwindling choice. Now I'm down to themorning news show, TNT and USA. TNT is pretty much all Married with Children for the morning run so that leaves me with USA. That was ok while Monk was on 5 times every day but then it shifted over to CAI/Law &Order.

It took me about three weeks to realize that these are two different shows. They're both detective shows that pound you over the head with super serious social commentary. And they both play the same kind of music during crucial moments. The music goes like this: oooh ahhhh OOOh AHHHH oooh. And they're both dimly lit. Do you blame me for thinking that they were the same show?

But something changed and now I have a real reason that I need to watch CSI. As driving through the Poconos this weekend and trying to listen to a crackling, low dial number NPR station. Charo was being interviewed and although I couldn't make out whole question, it was something about why she wanted to come to America. Charo responded by talking about seeing a movie as a child in Spain where Doris Day had a shiny white  kitchen where you could push a button and the stove lit up, push a button and the washing machine started, push a button and clean water appeared. Then she said "You have to remember that this was during a time when we had to carry water from a well to our home."

I found the serious tone of the interview to be quite compelling. So naturally I had to cyber stalk Charo. Here's some highlights of my research:

• she's doing a 5-month stint at the Riviera in Las Vegas right now
• she had 10 years legally shaved off of her age
• she became emotionally attached to a baby bull that was used in a photo shoot and adopted him
• her son is a musician/actor/producer who had a role on a CSI episode

So there it is - now I have to watch it. It's for my pop-culture research.

* Some sad sack standing at the podium: "Can I just say something?"
Judge Judy:  "NO!"
Haha. That never gets old for me.

When They Ask Me What I Want Carved Into My Tombstone, I'm Going To Remind Them That I Inspired Cake Art of MO's Little Eye

People, the day has arrived.

I want you all to know that I am no longer the only person blogging about MO's little eye. My internet efforts have finally paid off - here's a blogger who credits me with being her muse. However, she has upped the ante considerably because she executed the little eye concept as cake art.

It may have begun as an accident, but that of course is the genius of it all - to take a moment of adversity and turn it into triumph. How good its it that the little eye theme is displayed on a half-assed crab?

I'm only glad that I played my small part in the inspiration.

Secrets of the White House

One of the things in this picture desperately needs a make-over.

Alls I'm saying is that application of a little paint and some plastic geraniums might go a long way towards creating a more pleasing appearance. Or perhaps some normal pants. (What's he hiding in those pants, anyway? The budget numbers?)

Sunday Morning, Third Week in July

UPDATE - 2:00pm: Scroll down for a very sad development.

..............................................................

1. Reminder for next year's deck pots:

• marigolds good;
• petunias bad;
• geraniums a lousy selection for supreme court justice (So-So).

2. Deck birds: wireless illuminated flamingo and cranky looking robin babies.

3. Rose garden recovery:

 

The formerly barren rose bushes are once again producing velvety red roses instead of dried out brown flower buds. I credit Bayer Advanced 3-in-1 insect Disease & Mite Control spray for the comeback. Of course, it could be due to the simple reappearance of the sun after the month long rains here in NJ.  There's still some blackspotted leaves here and there, but at least the buds are opening instead of shriveling up before bloom. Surprise: some of the blossoms have a full grown beetle in the center when they open.

4.Traumatic trip down memory lane:

This is the only surving picture of the same flower bed at the end of the patio in 2007. Those Black-eyed Susans  were started from three small pots about 12 years earlier. They filled in and thrived all that time and were maintainance-free! until the bastard deer or the bastard muskrats or the bastard rabbits or the bastard whatever they were chewed them down to their extermination.

..............................................................

UPDATE - 2:00pm  Some of the pieces from my vintage wooden patio furniture collection needed a little touchup to the green finish. I asked Sami to tighten up the bolts before I started the painting. He turned the rocker in the top photo over and the rocker part came off in his hand. Rotten. It was all rotten. The whole thing was rotten through and through. Now it's gone to meet Walter Cronkite.

Wooden Rocker
~1945 - 2009

Current Events

1. Too bad it wasn't Dan Rather.

2. Too bad it wasn't Ted Kennedy.

Is There Anything Worse Than Suffering Through A Recitation of Other People's Dreams?

Ok look - I never do this. But this happened more than a week ago and it still bothers me:

I dreamed I was in the back of a church¹ on Christmas Eve and I was was doing work on my laptop. The only other person in the pews was a childhood friend². There was no mass or other service going on, but the CEO of the company I work for was standing on the altar³.

As he walked down the aisle⁴, I hunkered close to the laptop to keep on working without being too obvious about it but I knew I shouldn't be working in church on Christmas Eve. It seemed to me like he would frown upon it but ultimately he would understand.

He passed me by without comment⁵.

1. Not any real church. Ornate, yet tasteful.

2. This particular person had a father that knew my father since they were in kindergarten together and a mother who was friends with my mother since they  both were 20 year old brides.)

3. In a polo shirt and khakis.

4. Fear!

5. Short-lived relief. Heavy overlay of guilt.

Don't You Wish You Were Reading Cripes Suzette Three Years Ago So That You Get The Joke Here?

Obama Addresses Nurses In Rose Garden

"And I think I've said this before — I really like nurses."

 

Question: What's That Smell? Answer: It's B.O.

I drove my customary route through the PNC Bank Arts Center parking lots to get to the Parkway this morning. Guess who's coming to NJ today to align himself with the nation's most reckless governor,  Jon "Seatbelt" Corzine?

The audience was already pouring in at 11am for a 3:15pm appearance. My route to the parkway was blocked by two wise Latina assholes driving school buses that were parked side by side in the oncoming lane. Laughing and yakking with the windows and doors open. I honked and waved but that made no difference I had to sit there and wait until they felt like moving.

And that, people, is what happens when established law is ignored and decisions are made based on the richness of one's own experience instead.

Red arrow = where I went

Dark blue arrow = where I wanted to go

Gold Stars = assholes blocking the intersection with school buses

UPDATE 1: I watched both speeches via a live stream video provided by the local paper. Corzine was jolly and peppy during whatever it was he was saying. Obama, frankly, didn't give much of a speech. Very light on the NJ; very heavy on the healthcare. At one point he did say that thanks to JC, NJ was now the national leader in reading and math which came as a surprise even to the bus loads of attendees from the teacher's union.

Once he got that out of the way, the speech was pure boilerplate all the way. Even the in-the-bag reporters from the Asbury Park Press noticed and liveblogged it:

The only thing worth watching on the video was one guy in the top row of supporters behind the podium. He was busy the whole time. Either he was on his cellphone:

or he was taking pictures:

I missed my chance to do a screen capture of when he was fidgeting with the three flags in his jacket pocket, or when he was swiveling his head from side to side or even when he ceremoniously blew his nose with a big white hankie. But I did get a another nice cellphone shot:

UPDATE 2: I stayed off the Parkway going home because I didn't want to get caught in that celebratory post-speech traffic. Even on the smaller roads, many long black limos were spotted driving south from the PNC. The most excitement that I saw on the roads was a Holmdel Hazmat Vehicle and a parade of police cruisers from other towns going back where they came from.

Internally Motivated Vocalization Strategy ...

... or Why Dogs Bark So Much

"Barking is not a special form of communication between dogs and humans. “What we’re saying is that the domestic dog does not have an intentional message in mind, such as, ‘I want to play’ or ‘the house is on fire,’” explains Lord.

Rather, she and colleagues say barking is the auditory signal associated with an evolved behavior known as mobbing,a cooperative anti-predator response usually initiated by one individual who notices an approaching intruder. A dog barks because she feels an internal conflict―an urge to run plus a strong urge to stand her ground and defend pups, for example. When the group joins in, the barks intimidate the intruder, who often flees."

Well, maybe. Maybe not. I can say for sure that my dog has a special bark noise that he makes when he's calling to to the dog next door and she makes the same noise right back. It's kind of an excited, higher pitched barking that he makes no other time. The corgi people among you will also agree that the odd sing-song greeting  that they make when one of the pack (in this case, Sami or I) return from outside the house. Not sure if that's technically a bark, but it sure is vocalization.

Anyway, the conclusion of these researchers - that dogs don't have a special message when they bark - is in direct conflict with something I saw in a magazine 10 years ago which instantly made the whole thing clear to me. I still cling to this interpretation:

That photo of Stedman, by the way, is one of our little games called "Feet Face". This is the whole game: you hold out your legs and say "Who wants to play Feet Face?" Then the dog comes over and puts his head between your feet. Then you stare at each other. It never gets old! Does he look unhappy to be trapped between feet? He's not - he's entranced with happiness.

Best Comment I've Read Today

From a London Evening Standard article on the short-term future of the H1N1 virus:

If you get an email saying Swine Flu can be caught from tinned ham, just delete it.

It's spam.

It Ain't Right It Just Ain't Right

Bobo's teleprompter committed suicide, Ahnold pulled the rug out from under the CA State Board of Nursing, Sotomojo is a big fat liar and Jon Minus Kate Plus 8 has a new, new girlfriend. Fine. That's all well and good but the really big news is that my morning glories have started to flower.

All this rain we've been having in NJ isn't as good for the flowers as you'd think it would be. Yes, these flowers are about 15 days ahead of schedule for blossoming but they seem to be a bit on the square side. FYI - they're supposed to be round.

I cannot even discuss my new rose garden which contains only a blackspot -resistant variety that now has the blackspot. Of course I blame the 40 rainy days out of 45 calendar days. Fungus!

Also, remind me next year not to pot petunias and portulacas. I expect every year to be successful and yet, every year it is the same failure as far as those are concerned.

Quick Update

My mosquito bites and I are in love with SOLARCAINE Aloe Extra Burn Relief Lidocaine Pain Relief Spray.

Now I know why it works so well - I didn't bother to read the label until now.

Talk about overkill for relief from mosquito bites.

 Whatevs!

Everyone Will Ask You What You're Wearing

Act surprised: I spend a lot of time crawling through the listings at eBay.

I rarely buy, I just look. The reason I do it is to recapture my past or to capture a past I think I should have had. Today I took the plunge and bought a vintage headscarf adorned with white horse heads and inscribed "Spanische Holfreirschule Wein" (the Spanish Riding School in Vienna). Behold:

I had to buy this because:

• I am very partial to this shade of green paired with dark blue
• I look very good in green
• women's vintage accessories put me into a trance
• this one was only $9.99 with free shipping
• I can't afford a Hermès scarf
• Once long ago, I bought a similar scarf in Vienna for someone and I didn't buy one for myself and this is what I mean by recapturing the past and $9.99 is cheaper than hypnotic regression.

It might not be your cup of tea, but picture me in a winter white coat with this tucked into the collar. Now do you see?

Now if I could be sure that what I was getting was real perfume and not some phony pisswater substitute, I'd be bidding on some Infini perfume. That perfume was my first purchase with my first paycheck from my first real job. I used it sparingly and owned that infinity-shaped crystal bottle for many years until it met a sad end at the hands of some toddler mixmasters who found their way into my bedroom.

They were girl toddlers, now that I think of it, so I guess it was most likely a privative gender imperative impulse for them to reach out for all those lovely little  bottles. One of them is in the room next door to me right now (all grown up). Perhaps I should go mess up some of her stuff. Circle of life!

1975 print ad for Infini perfume

Look at that ad. Do you doubt that this perfume could confer a devastating sophistication on your 21-year-old, just moved to  NYC, country bumpkin head?

Frankenstyle

Inspired by this photo of superstar Franni Franken on the day that her husband was sworn in as US Senator from Minnesota, I went searching for a picture of vintage Vera table linens or 30 year old Marimekko fabric designs so that I could make some reference to "relics of the 70s". I mean - come on, right? First the sofa upholstery suit and now the Finnish textile homage. She's one to watch to watch, that's for sure.

But before I could really develop the snark, then I got lost on the FinnStyle website.

Whatever happened to all my cool stuff? That's what I want to know. Now there's an empty hole where my past used to be.  I guess I could start recreating it with this mug. Hey, look - there's the sheets I used to make curtains for my son's baby room in the 80s.

Now I lost my point. I guess my point is that I am Franni and Franni is me. What a revolting development.

Oh yeah - here was where I was heading - Frankenstyle. What the hell kind of thing is that going on with Senator Al's hair? I thought he said he was going to give up comedy.

 

The Way It Is Today

Today, the sliver I got from the rake on Saturday has worked its way out of my finger but the other sliver from a thorny vine is still deeply embedded. Today, the burn on the back of my neck from a moment of carelessness with a curling iron is all scabby and doesn't hurt anymore. People say it looks better in terms of healing and skin integrity but I bet it doesn't look so good as a random thing to look at. Today, I saw a naked bird on the bottom shelf of the buffet table on the deck. While I was in California a few weeks ago, some crazy ass robin built the nest in the plastic basket where I keep my gardening miscellany and the dog's tennis balls.

Don't you think it's a little late in the season for baby birds?

Music Is The Universal Language

You Don't Know What It Means To Me

Usually the use of iconic rock songs for advertising makes me sad and turned off. This one, though - I can't  decide if I love it or hate it. I think I love it. No I hate it. No I love it. Hate it. Love it. Freddie.

 . .

Dancing Machine

This is the thing. Say what you will about the man but if you want some measure of his impact on the world, watch a few minutes of this: Eternal Moonwalk. It's a continuous stringing together of hundreds of people all over the world  submitting videos of their own moonwalking as a tribute to Michael Jackson.

The videos appear in random order but there is a search box. I typed in "New Jersey" and one result came back. The guy pulled a Freddie Mercury Montreaux pose in the middle of his moonwalk, proof that the internet cares about what I want.

Speaking Truth to Glamor

Always so much to talk about when it comes to World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™!

AP Headline: Mrs. Obama bringing glamor to Moscow this weekend

"Michelle Obama brings her superstar glamor to Moscow this weekend as she accompanies her husband on his summit with the Russian president."

You mean like the personal style she brought to Paris on her recent vacation? The MSM continues to promote the idea that World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama is more that she actually is. Glamour? What she has is a personal style and that style is far from glamorous. Unless this linked article purposely misspells glamour and is trying to credit her with some new fashion trend made up of too-small cardigans, too-high belts and age-inappropriate choices.

Let's talk today about basic female body shapes. Every woman without exception knows what they are and which one she has. The idea is then to dress to conceal or flatter. In the event that my male readers are not familiar with this, let me inform you that the basic shapes are: apple, banana, pear and hourglass.

But now, thanks to our first lady, a fifth shape has been discovered ...

... the wine bottle shape. Or maybe it's the "glamor" shape.

Now here's some fashion advice for Michelle : wearing a wide belt on your ribcage doesn't help anything. Note how the boob droops over the belt. Fetching!

It looks wrong because it is wrong. No one is going to think that's a cool fashion trend. Not all of your ideas are good ones. Until we start seeing women walking around  with a big belt worn on the outside of a sweater, you're on your own, style-wise.

Don't believe your own press and start thinking that whatever you do is going to be copied by people without style of their own or schlubs who who have no idea what to do with themselves.

Or maybe it will:

CameALot

What Would Jackie Do? Apparently, she'd straddle Bobby Kennedy.

"When Commerce Department administrator Kenneth McKnight arrived for a late-evening meeting with Sen. Kennedy in July 1966, he found Bobby sitting on a sofa -- with Jackie "straddling his lap, her arms around his neck." "Bobby and Jackie: A Love Story."

I know - skinny little insecure pontificating runt of the litter, right? I guess she figured what the heck - JFK had already given her his STD cooties so what else could she catch?

 Jackie O watchers are all abuzz today about the imminent release of a new book by C.David Heymann called "Bobby and Jackie: A Love Story." The book claims they had a four year long love affair after the JFK assassination. this is not news to any serious Kennedy watcher. In fact, C.David is the person who authored my definitive research publication for all things Jackie O: "A Woman Named Jackie" .

Although the focus of that book was Jackie, the Kennedys were in almost every chapter because of the events of the times. The happenings were Jackie's, but they were tangled around the news and the players of the day.That was an exhaustively researched book and I'm thinking that the material that comprises this new tome is part recycled, part stuff that didn't fit into the first one, but the theme is pretty much the same - the ugly truth.

Jackie must have been pretty busy after November '62 - wasn't it just 2 days ago we read about her hot tryst with Brando? Add Bobby to the mix and there's almost no time for shopping. It was in the first Heymann book that I first learned that Jackie and Ari used to have public sex on the yacht Christina so while Jackie wasn't exactly the type that was all sexed up, she was not averse to the concept.

Do I believe that she and Bobby had a thing going on? Well, Kennedys are pigs - no one argues that. Bobby holds the family record for child production - Ethel didn't have 11 kids by herself. And sexual intercourse was a competative/cooperative activity among the Kennedy men - women shared one night after the other by JFK, RFK and the old man. Did you think that Marilyn thing with JFK and RFK was a coincidence? This is entirely believable to me. And better Bobby than Teddy - you know where his dates end up.

I do not blame. For all of her life, Jackie was subject to the actions of the womanizing men around her and accepted that as the price of security. When she had to look out for herself, she did what she learned from the women she was related to - barter sex for  protection. The traditional pathway of love and marriage never worked out for her so as a widow, if she was finally free to give a big screw you to the world, then fine. That is feminism in its most basic form.

Filled With Birds

News from the garden:

 

:(

Thank you, you big old Month of Constant Rain, for murdering my new rose garden with your mold-inducing constant precipitation. I have buds that go pale and turn brown before they ever get a chance to open. It's a fungus called Botrytis Cinerea. Or maybe it's an infestation of rose midges. Lord luv the internet. Whatevs! I'm going all Love Canal on the garden  this week. Luckily, I'm up on all my respirator mask technology.

.....

The morning glories in the deck pots are thriving and have produced flower buds. I credit the Ortho Bug-B-Gon Max spray that got rid of the little black baby bugs that were sticking the new leaves together. I know a few sickly roses that need to be introduced to that particular leetle friend.

I gave some shaggy pygmy barberries a haircut this morning. Inspired by the ease of my success, the oak trees got the same attention. I defeated them but then I had to take a nap.

What? You mean I showed you these last year? And the year before that?

Tina, I forgot to mention that I don't have any orange day lilies but I do have three others. Forget digging up the free ones and get some fancies from the garden center.

.....

Great Wall featuring Mr. Sami

My magnificent Great Wall of Rhododendron which nobody likes but me remains unbothered by Mr. Sami. It's filled with birds. I have no delusion that if I die before him, he'll be out there with the chainsaw before the dirt settles over me. That is why I plan to outlive him. That, and the fact that I'll be able to achieve my decades long ambition to throw out all of his garage shit.

Speaking of birds,  a robin has built a nest in the plastic basket where we keep the dog tennis balls. Now it has three eggs in it. She flies in and out a hundred times a day and doesn't seem to mind anything we do except for the Fry Daddy event yesterday. (Score one for Team Oh No You're Not)

,,,,,

I admit that he looks a little bit hungover but I swear I did not share my martini with him. He's pretending to look away from it, but he  has that knucklebone on his mind every minute.