As Mustards Go, Dijon Is A Pretty Lame Mustard To Align Yourself With

I mean to write "tame" in this post title but "lame" works even better.

I realize that this whole Dijjongate thing is a distraction that is just making us numb so that by the time Friday rolls around and the real news (fire the AFO scapegoat, admit a mistake about the Gitmo detainees, * yawn * ) is silently let loose at 5pm, no one will make note of it. That being said - Dijon? Are you kidding me?

As mustards go, one can do much better. I like a big bold brown mustard. This, to me, is what makes a good mustard:

• if it has whole or visible crushed mustard seeds in it
• if it has horseradish or some kind of bleach in it to make it even more sharp
• if it dominates all other flavors

But that's just me. Look, I understand why Dijon is popular - because it's subtle. It's the white sauce of mustards. Why even bother? Compare and contrast:

Now which of those is worth your time? Even bright yellow All-American supermarket  mustard is preferable to the wimpy Dijon. At least you know that when you use the yellow stuff, not only are you going to get a strong flavor kick, but your clothing and other porous surfaces are in danger of getting bleached should some fallout happen. That's food adventure right there.

I don't want to add to your worries, but something is wrong with this president. He puts mustard on burgers when everyone knows it's ketchup that is the proper condiment. He puts mustard in his tuna salad which ...  I cannot even compose a sentence about that horror. He almost started a stampede when he put hot sauce into gumbo and bless my soul but he appears to eat hot dogs barenaked. That is the vehicle for mustard, Mr. Obama. What a freak.

Lastly, I leave you with a vision of mustardy goodness. Not mustard it self, but mustard cheese.

This smooth, firm, tasty Cheddar is made with Welsh brown ale and mustard seeds. Red Dragon is a buttery and spicy cheese with plenty of bite. Not only do the mustard seeds give Red Dragon its marvelous flavor, but also its texture. The brown ale makes the cheese moist and tangy.

There's your foodie elitism right there. The stuff is about 20 bucks a pound - too much for a casual snack but what the heck, let's live it up while we still can. The economy is collapsing, businesses are closing up, familiar products are disappearing and who knows - by this time next year, we might find that only the Dijon people are still in the mustard business.

Comments

[LeeAnn]

They used to make a sweet mustard with little oniony bits in it that I loved. I pretty much eat mustard right out of the jar, to be honest. At movies where they have the little packets of mustard for hot dogs, I swipe five or six and eat them, squish nom squish nom.
But I do love a good seed-laden mustard, those little surprise pops between your teeth.
Okay, now I want mustard from breakfast.

[Kim]

Check out The Mustard Museum in Wisconsin. I forget the website. They have all sorts of very cool shit. And the guy who runs it is funny.

[USpace]

.
'Poupon' means 'Hot Baby' in French. Tasty post. The Left is just keeping this 'Mustard story' alive, the Right had a chuckle and moved on. There are many much more important things to criticize this administration about. The Left doesn't want people focusing on the big stuff, because that's where it's most dangerous to them. The Truth will bring them down, God willing.
.
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
deify your dear leaders

they are supernatural
with magical qualities

.
absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
don't protest tax increases

or support states' rights
YOU RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST
.

[dogette]

OMG I didn't know of DijonGate until I arrived here this morning and read your post. This is a big part of why I come here: to get the important news. In fact, this is my main source of news and information. I also like your writing and your humor.

This is indeed a serious state of affairs and YES THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM.

I think this one meets your requirements. It's my current favorite.