How Will I Know What I Need If I Don't Watch Infomercials?

Now updated with

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ testimonial.

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Two factors establish my authority as something of an infomercial expert:

1.  I rarely sleep straight through the night
2. I travel a lot so I see lots of local TV stations

And I've been studying these things for a long time. Not just the primitive Ronco Pocket Fisherman or the Veg-O-matic ads. (Just because I am a student - nay, a scholar! of these things does not mean that I am immune to thier persuasive power. I do own the Ronco Showtime Bar-B-Q Rostisseire, a Purse Brite and I have been a longtime user of Dr. Wantanabe's Sobakawa Pillow.)  Heck, I knew about the Roomba and the George Foreman Grill long before they became cultural icons. Trend watchers: - keep your eye on the Titan Peeler/Vegetable Shaver.

As for the current generation of infos, the Snuggie or PediEgg infomercial or even that upside down tomato planter - who among us hasn't seen those? Don't even get me started about Your Baby Can Read. I follow the lesser known Pancake Puff,  Strap Perfect, and Cat Genie. The Kyosera Body Shaper, for heaven's sake! I generally ignore the exercise machines and the very detailed colonic cleanser pieces but I do take special note of the hair products. I study the Maxi-Glide and I'm pretty much up on the various hair-holders like the E-Z Comb and the Hairigami. I knew about Bumpits but until today, I have never heard of Thinny Hair Holders.

"The excellent production values paired with Meredith's impeccable skills really make this shit one of the greatest masterpieces in the history of commercials." h/t DListed

UPDATE: World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ has apparently discovered the joy of big hair. Here she is on the day she mugged hugged the Queen sporting the Amy Wino look. does that not look like the same tossled finger-rake styling as demonstrated on the Thinny Hair Holders video?

For some inexplicable reason, she decided that this is the moment that the world needed to see her bony forehead. Note the little eye.

Comments

[LeeAnn]

I still cannot look away from the Sham Wow commericials, mainly because the guy looks like a human velociraptor.

[dogette]

I was hoping to see you rip into the Michelle photo where she's going the Vulcan hand sign next to that French model chick who's married to the French Prez.

Which is not to say I am disappointed. Not at all. The little eye is weirding me out. So is her huge and weirdly-shaped lower half which I notice they are careful to avoid snapping lest it spoil the carefully-crafted image with the "toned arms" distractor.

[The Proprietor]

Would someone really buy a hair product from an infomercial with the same production values as home-made porn?

I confess to owning a small George Foreman grill. It was a gag gift, but I actually use it for burgers. It does the job, but you need to clean it while it's still hot or forget it.

I also have a Belgian waffle maker, but I think I got that at Macy's.