Cripes, Suzette!

Busy Minding My Own Business But Soon I'll Be Busy Minding Your Business

  Why don't we do it in our sleeves?

Product Endorsement: Ben-Gay Is the Greatest

Dear Readers,

I have wrenched my back whilst laughing at asshole Obama's plane strafing the NYC skyline tediously painting the intricate curlicues of two wrought iron benches. My activity is now limited to shifting position on the sofa and calling, with varying degrees of success for people to bring me things.

Your pal,

Suzette

Stedman Dines In The Style of A Government Worker

Bo the PWD will "be eating his meals and drinking his water from Swarovski crystal bowls, a gift President Obama received on his recent trip to Prague."

 Not one to be outdone, Stedman the PWC uses non-skid plastic bowls just like the ones the TSA makes you dump your pocket change into before you pass through an airport scanner. His doesn't look exactly like the one pictured because when he runs out of food, he starts chewing the black rubber off.

P.S.  - Did you get your Bo the TY Beanie Baby f?  Too late now - it sold out within hours of release. I was busy for the past few days and I must have missed Fashion Icon and Busy Mom^TM Michelle Obama's outrage over the use of young, private dogs for marketing purposes. I bet she was really mad!

When Spray Tan-Abs Are Not Enough

Is there anything about this guy Obama that's real?

When Obama was a candidate for the Democratic nomination - around August or so, he took a vacation in  Hawaii to rest up from the rigors of the campaign trail. At the time, he was photographed in the surf. He was reported to be very unhappy that he appeared to be not quite so lean and fit as his press made him out to be.

That's the first thing I thought of when I saw the photos from his December Hawaiian vacation. Five months later after winning the presidentail race, he took another rest in Hawaii and this time ... lo and behold, the cameras caught him once again clad in only swim trunks and lookee here: not just slim and free from those embarrassing fat rolls previously on display but now he's got a six pack. (Also, moobs.) You might remember that I highlighted certain aspects of this photo at the time.

Boy, that basketball for 15 minutes three times a week is really something, isn't it? Who could have guessed that was the secret to weightloss? Or maybe it's something else - say,  a little thing known as  spray-tan abs. It's all the rage, you know. He might have had a little Photoshop help as well. But that was then, when we were all naive and innocent about such things. Now, the Washingtonian magazine has chosen this same picture for their cover and geez-oh-pete, talk about your Photoshop. Take a look. they made him golden. Golden. And then they made him shiny. And as if that's not enough, does that look to you like they added a faint happy trail? I do believe they did.

 

He's the shiniest president ever! 

The magazine admits they did apply a little Photoshop magic but only to change the color of his shorts, but that "didn't change the concept of the picture,"  said political reporter Garrett Graff.  Even Huffpo couldn't swallow that one:

What's the danger of an audience thinking that the president looks model-hot? It's a simplification of who he is--it's the photographic version of presenting Obama as the shining hope for the country.It's ascribing to him more power--even if the power is sexual--than he actually has.

Let's wait for the gagging to subside.

Click Image To Enlarge

   

Because If You Read It On The Internet It's True, Right?

UPDATE:  All hail the great pumpkin remedy! Wow - one meal of pumpkin/rice/boiled chicken and I see an improvement in the situation. Bonus: not only is the poop pumpkin colored, but it has a very nice pumpkin aroma as well.

................................................................

Known facts:

• The dog can make a medium-sized rawhide "bone" disappear in one evening.
• The dog threw up large amounts of grass and strips of softened rawhide on Friday.
• We put lawn fertilizer down in the backyard on Saturday.
• Also on Saturday, the dog saw his chance when the back gate was opened just a crack, crossed the creek bed and was unaccounted for on the other side for several minutes before being captured.
• The dog has diarrhea.

Suppositions:

• The dog might be clogged up with rawhide.
• The dog might have licked up some fertilizer.
• Who knows what happened while he was on his adventure?
• Poison Chinese dog food.

He's still perky and energetic, but not quite his usual maniac self so I don't think a trip to the vet is warranted. So I consulted the internet for dog diarrhea cures and came up with this assvice to make a mixture of white rice, boiled chicken and pumpkin. I trust the internet but I wouldn't be opposed to hearing some first hand experiences with this remedy.

Anybody?

Smooch Mwah

 I have a like/don't like conflict about Twitter. There's no reason to like it but I do. I check in frequently to see what my witty friends have to say. At the moment, I've expunged all newspeople, politicians and fake TV characters.The only celebrity that I follow is Jill Zarin, the RHoNY (FYI - Ginger the chihuahua is sick! Oh noes. I love Ginger.)

Although I'm spellbound by everything I happen to write there, it doesn't seem to matter to anyone else one way or the other. I blog to myself so I might as well twitter to myself. Here's the plan: I'm going to use it to list my taglines, which are also for myself.

I come across so many comment in the course of a day's internet reading that stick in my head so my current project is to use those comments as my taglines. If this doesn't interest you, don't worry - I never stick with things for any length of time.

This one " .. smooch mwah  aand I'm not gay .." is from a YouTube video of a live Queen performance of Love of My Life. A tribute to Freddie, of course. I like the smooch mwah. I think I'll add it to my signature on Gmail. FYI - my alternate consideration for the first post in this project was from the same comment thread: "fuck wot a world now". Kind of all-purpose, that one.

How Bleak Was My Puberty

UPDATED:    The post title here, for most of you who still refuse to admit the brilliance of it, comes from the finest piece cinematic writing there ever was: Auntie Mame.

(Gooch enters from the kitchen, pouring a Dr. Pepper into  a highball glass. Auntie Mame looks at her and gets an idea.) What about "bleak"?

O'BANNION (testing it) Bleak ...bleak. How bleak was my puberty! Bleak Buffalo. Hear how those two words cling to each other -  like a man and a woman locked in each other's arms. Listen to them sing!

GOOCH (enraptured) How bleak was my puberty! (Auntie Mame glares at Gooch, who melts away into the kitchen.) I'm sorry. (as soon as Gooch is out of sight, O'Bannion goes to work again, kissing Auntie Mame helter skelter.)

O'BANNION "Bleak"! Oh God, let me caress that talent. Where is it hidden - that germ of genius. Where is it?

AUNTIE MAME Brian, please - (She glances at a page of edited manuscript.) I'm worried about something. Coccamaura. I wonder if the general public is going to understand all this symbolism. (She read.) "Like a echo from the caves of Coccamaura, I came forth whilst Dierdre wept cool tears." Wouldn't it be simpler to say "On the day I was born, it rained in Buffalo?"

The dialog from Auntie Mame runs through my head almost constantly. I frequently drop a bit  into personal and work-related  conversations. No one gets me in real life, either.

...........................................................

Original post from 4/14/09:

In my whole life, I've never had a tuna melt.

I know - unamerican, right? But my food experience during my formative years was extremely limited.

But today, my BUPs and I are hungry and a tuna melt sounds like a nice idea. I'm doing a low-carb thing right now, the food plan which works out best for me in terms of results and liveability, and so it's going to be a breadless tuna melt. I found a recipe on the internet which uses zuchinni slices instead of bread. It seems ok except that it had a user rating of "zero yummies", which strikes me as bleak.

If you have tuna melt experience, tell me - should I even bother?

Failing a tuna melt response from you, would you like to comment on the source of my post title? It's something that's always on my mind whenever Deirdre weeps cool tears as is the case in central Jersey  today.

Making Lemonade

Last night I dreamed that a man was going bald in a freaky pattern, almost like a reverse Mohawk but with a high forehead element like Charmian Mao added in. He was trying to set up house in my former childhood home. I interpret this dream theme as "loss" and the message from my subconscious self to me can only mean that I will be successful in my dieting. Ta-da!

Game Plan

Do not be so naive as to think that it's a coincidence that I consistently end up with the most folded-over nacho chips from the basket. You agree, of course, that the rule for nacho chips is the same as for potato chips: the fold-overs are the best ones.

This is how I do it:

• lock in on location of folded chips in communal basket
• make a big noise over the deliciousness of the hot wings
• stick clean bread plates in front of your dinner partners
• lift up basket of hot wings and tilt it in the direction of those with a clean bread plate
• smile heartily and say "Have one!"
• grab folded chips while others are distracted

It's not a complicated plan but there are time when simplicity is the best route. Success rate: 100%

I know - surprise ending, right? I said I would be blogging about the chicken wings that I had for supper but I decided to change it up. That is how to keep a readership engaged.

Color Me Disappointed

A note to my regular readers:

You are all fired. I served you up such a softball of a famous movie quote and no one - not even you, Tami  and that breaks my heart - saw fit to identify it, comment on it or otherwise take note. Of course, the mispelled "Pigeen" got it but that hardly counts since she is my own daughter and is strongly motivated to encourage any of my interests that don't involve playing Queen videos on You Tube over and over.

I can only conclude that I am indeed blogging for myself alone. Ok, I'm good with that - at least I know where I stand. It's liberating actually and now I feel quite free to blog about the chicken wings I had for dinner last night.

Your faithful but disappointed correspondent,

Suzette

Care for Some Tea?

Tax Day Tea Parties

At first, I didn't see the value of the trending topics on Twitter but now that I have just about given up personal tweeting (except for a select handful) in favor of following newspeople, fake celebrities and the customer service rep from Overstock.com, I apologize. "#tea party" is the top trending topic right now and "Tea party" is number 3 its a laugh riot over there..

Example: Vista212 TEABAGGERS!! Howdo u kno u have gov. represenation? U live here, U voted and YOU ARE NOT HOT OR SMART ENOUGH TO BE PUERTO RICAN!!

For your consideration: the HuffPo Tea Party infiltrators on Twitter call themselves TITS. Is that like boobs?

2 Questions

1. Were there ever any White House children more exposed and exploited than the Obama girls?

Of the 85 or so days that Obama has been in office, how many times have those girls been trotted out for a photo op? Were any other White House kids so often in front of cameras? Good to see Malaria with something to smile about for a change instead of her usual head-down blank expression presentation. It strikes me as very similar to Prince William's in the years immediately following the death of his mother. Much was made of his contempt for the press and this manifestation of his resentment towards them. His posture and expression were signs of his resignation to the fact that they were always around and he would have to submit himself to the camera's glare, willingly or not. Does anyone see any similarity between the situations of these two world famous children?

The Obama daughters have always been children of politicians and have never known anything different. There's never been a time that they weren't expected to be part of someone else's performance, on a schedule not their own, or had their preferences placed over the political needs of their father. Take the baseline fishbowl of the White House, the constant media exposure, the parade before the public when it suits someone else's agenda then add the looming hormonal pre-teen years.

Let's hope that their father's universal healthcare plan has a strong mental health component to it because there are going to be issues.

2. Does Obama have to lie about everything?

Hooboy - what this bunch doesn't now about dogs is a lot. Rule #1 - establish who is the master. Apparently, Ted Kennedy's dog trainer did not get the opportunity to include the owners in the dog training. I'm sure it'll all work out - in about a year or so when the animal grows out of its puppyhood and settles down.

Here's the thing: the information about the dog, formally scheduled to be introduced on Tuesday 4/13, slipped out a few days early. Over the weekend when the pretense could no longer be maintained, the White House admitted that the dog was already living at the White House, a story which subsequently disappeared from WaPo. Yet today, a big fuss was made as reporters announced that "it's moving day for BO". For a dog that's already been living there?

Add all that confusion to the distraction of the story about the rescue dog, the returned puppy that just happened to be from the same litter as Teddy K's newest dog - what's the big deal? They wanted a certain type of dog and they got it - why all the lying? They didn't lie about the school they chose for the girls and that was the same kind of expensive, elitist selection made for personal reasons based on what worked best for the family.

If they feel lies must surround a personal thing like this that has no real impact on anyone else, what chance does the public have of ever hearing truth about anything else asociated with the Obama presidency?

Unwanted Consequence

Some people have said that 'm not happy unless I have something to complain about. It's not true. Unrelated and coincidentally, I have something annoying to report today.

I've lost a little weight and while it doesn't make much of an impact overall, the one thing it did do is give me the dreaded BUP. Baggy Under Pants. Does it sound like a good thing to have underpants that are not tight? No it is not. It's loose pants (second in annoyance only to loose socks) moving around underneath your clothing.

It creates a situation known in the pidgin-Polish parlance of northeastern PA as gotchie dupa.

I don't suppose you have any Polish people from PA that you can consult about that, so let me fill you in: gotchies are underpants and dupa is your butt. The phrase gotchie dupa translates roughly to droopinging pants but the intended meaning is sagging diaper full of poop.

I just choked on my morning coffee over the indignity of it all.

Seems So Long Ago

When we finally got over the heartbreak of losing old Bob the Actual Corgi, we started to talk about getting another one. The place where got Bob, the NJ branch of the PWC rescue, had closed it's doors due to lack of foster parents, and the two NJ breeders we contacted never responded. Our daughter had been studying other breeders online for a while and came forward with not only a breeder but a specific dog.

We had our doubts about going this route but the people at Immer Essen were very patient with all of our questions and dithering around. They gave us names of several very satisfied customers that we could talk freely with and ask questions to our hearts content. These people were all very friendly and forthcoming. One of them became an online pal, frequent commenter and now she's opened her own blog.

I should warn you though before you visit that you are very likely to come away with a hankering for one or two corgis of your own.

A Visit From The Easter Bunnybutt

Sunday afternoon - the bellies were full, the weather was warm and the Easter Bunnybutt appeared in a suburban  New Jersey backyard.

He could care less about retrieving tennis balls, but he cannot let the presence of a herdable ball in his backyard go unchallenged.
.



Especially if it's the not-too-be-tolerated KITTEN BALL.
.




He looks like he might be considering taking a rest but it's a trick. See how only his head is on the ground? He's actually wiggling himself inch by inch along the ground into the forbidden former flower bed/future rosebush bed to dig a hole.
.



Stedman, a full grown adult corgi. Magnifico.

Easter Finery

Sanchez and Malaria are naming the new White House dog "Bow".

That's funny.

 

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™
demonstrates once again her unique sense of style. Here she is sporting the latest must-have accessory.

Lamb for Easter

It remains to be seen if there will be a butter lamb here tomorrow or not. I can guarantee , however, that there definately will be a Lamb Cake.

Somehow, I find myself in alien territory for the big holidays. My go-to vision for any of the biggie dinners starts with a base of kielbasi, potato salad, cole slaw and baked beans. For Thanksgiving, add one turkey. For Easter, add one ham. For Xmas, make twice as much kielbasi. But a holiday meal where it's only The Hub and the daughter does not include any of this. Where did they come from? I know that Sami is stuck on the foods of his childhood and in general is a late adopter of anything that was not available in Egypt before 1969, so that's perfectly understandable. But her - she's got my kieibasi-craving blood coursing through her veins. It's a heartbreak.

So over time, our traditional Easter meal has evolved into a pan of stuffed shells, a salad and some garlic bread. For dessert, some  Easter bread and a 3-D lamb cake. My daughter makes a red velvet cake to make it appears really slaughtered when you cut into it. The effect is somewhat tempered by the fact that we own a cartoonish semi-vintage lamb cake pan instead of the more desirable realistic very vintage lamb cake pan.

 

undesirable, but ours                                          desirable, but elusive

The cake we make looks more like a little poodle sitting on the table than a lamb. Perhaps there will be pictures of the actual cake later.

Order Yours Now

h/t Susie & Sweetie

Sorry - No Pictures

Actual email exchange prompted by a comment concerning extra-large accessories:

Keith: I want to see a picture of you with a giant bow on your chest.
Suzette:You wouldn't be able to see my face - my boobs would lift that bow right up to my forehead.
Keith: Couldn't you hang it off the front?  Kind of like a license plate on a bumper.

Well guess what? When I came home from work and changed into my Friday night leisure wear, I happened to look down and what do I see? A much-bigger-than-usual white bow hanging right off the front of my brawr (I quote Jill Zarin). Now according to this NYT  article, there's a big hooha going on in the world of bra-sizing.  Nowhere do they mention an increase in the size of the bow/butterfly/flower tacked onto the front center but apparently that is a side effect.

Why can't they just leave it alone? After an entire adulthood in one size - and I wont' go into detail so as not to inflame the male readership - I suddenly found myself with the dreaded double-bubble situation going on. I tell you, that really shook me up.

Now I don't think my requirements for a good bra are too demanding. All I want is something that:

• is comfortable
• won't be a rag in 4 months
• does not create lumps or odd protrusions under clothing
• has a high "concealment" factor
• has straps that stay up 
• costs less than $40.00

Is that too much to ask? I finally found the ideal make and model and then one day the double bubble appeared. As if it was my fault! After many frustrating attempts at regaining the smooth silhouette, I did move up into one of those double letter cup sizes and all was well again, but p.s. - the bigger sizes cost more money. And now I find out it was because some arbitrary sizing change in the industry. Highly annoying. 

So Keith, I do indeed have a big white bow hanging off the front of me. It's like you put a curse on me or foretold my future. Next time you write to me, can you say you'd like to see $500.00 in my purse? 'Ppreciate it.

Quite Contrary

Get ready. I'm going to say something positive about World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™.

I think it's fine that she's setting an example about healthy eating. I even like the idea of the White House vegetable garden. I wonder if the people who need this lesson most - the ones who put the Diet Pepsi in the baby bottles and think Cheetoes are a suitable meal anytime time of day - are hardly the ones who are going to be putting in a patch of herbs. Do I think she has any real knowledge about gardening , plants or maintenance of a garden? No.

actual White House arugula

World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ returned to the White House garden yesterday to put in some fruit and vegetable seedlings.

Mrs Obama and her family could be enjoying salads made with lettuce from the garden in a fortnight and blueberries "by June".  "It does have nutrients, it does make you strong, it is all brain food," she said. She said the garden was also "real inexpensive," no more than $200, and would yield "a ton of stuff." "We can produce enough fruits and vegetables to feed us for years and years to come, for just a couple of hundred dollars," she said.

Ok now. I have a few quibbles.

• I question the timing! It was snowing last week in DC and the frost date is not yet past. The peas, ok but there's a good chance that the arugula could freeze. Think of the baby lettuces!  Even without a frost, rosemary and peppers are not exactly what you put in first.
• "a seedling" is a very young plant.Some of the lettuce and herbs that were put in are ready for a light harvest.
• She's going to have blueberries by June? Which June? Certainly not this one. this is a clue that  that she does not know her ass from a hole in the garden patch.
• Home grown food has nutrients. Great. So do Cheetoes.
• A Harvard educated lawyer using the phrase "real inexpensive"? Don't they have some king of grammar-related expectations at Harvard?
• $200? Those little slate signs cost more than $200.
• Does she not know that the crop she is planting , with the exception of the herbs, are annuals and will not produce for years and years but will  have to be replanted each year?

 I said they were quibbles and they are. Overall, I give her credit for this project but I think it would be much better if she limited her participation to being a figurehead. Just pose for the photos and keep that mouth shut.

Check out the Level 3 eye droop. This is the first time we've seen the bottom lid drooping as well as the upper. I'm convinced that when she's tired, the eye droop is worse. This is her eye on jet-lag.

The garden includes perennial herbs like mint, garlic chives, thyme, oregano, anise hyssop, sage, rosemary, majoram, chamomile, as well as annual herbs like parsLey, basil, Thai basil, cilantro, dill and fennel.

It will also grow various lettuces, spinach, onions, shallots, chard, snap peas, shell peas, carrots, black kale, rhubarb, arugula, tomatoes, tomatillos, sweet and hot peppers, beans, cucumbers, okra, and sweet potatoes, as well as blueberries and raspberries.

It will also include some of early US president Thomas Jefferson's favorite crops, like the Marseille fig.

UPDATE: From Our Department of "Do As I Say Not As I Do": [Michelle Obama] cheered the kids for bringing good weather and then sent them (and the press) home with cookies.

Oh. Em. Gee.

I was just gearing up to write something about all the noise you hear about Michelle Obama as a fashion leader and yet you don't see anyone actually copying her giant ugly pins or her big belts suitable for furniture lifting, when who should appear on the scene decked out exactly like that:

 

Gawd, I've missed her.

So, it would appear that we're doomed, ladies. If this is any indicator, starting with the fall cycle, I'm sure we'll all have very limited choices and we won't be able to avoid looking like MO: big upholstery-type prints, giant sucky pins and all of our high heels will be green.

Suppose

I was just thinking about that Hour of Darkness on Earth that everyone was supposed to do to save the whales or whatever it was. Do you think that's when the Chinese and Russian cyberspies got into the US electrical grid to leave their time bombs?

Thanks a lot, you hippies.

Connections

I spent yesterday obsessing over the Real Housewives of New Jersey. This is not a recap - this, my friends, is research.

For those of you who haven't looked into it yet, here's a summary of the players:

• Caroline and Dina are sisters
• Albert and Tommy are brothers
• Caroline is married to Albert.
• Dina is married to Tommy
• Jacqueline is married to the brother of Caroline and Dina
• Danielle is a girlfriend of Jacqueline
• Teresa is unrelated to anyone else here.

Tommy and Albert own a well-known banquet hall called the Brownstone House in Paterson, NJ. It sounds classy but it's your basic overdone wedding place decorated like an Italian funeral parlor. I was there for a wedding once 20 years ago and remember the food as being  very good quality and abundant. however, the place does not fare well in the user reviews,  mostly due to crass behavior of the people in charge. Dina, by the way, is an interior decorator/event planner whose office is located in the Brownstone House.

Now here's where it gets interesting - the is not the first reality TV appearance for Dina/Tommy and Caroline/Albert. VH1 has a series called My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding which featured  Dina and Tommy's $1,150,000.00 wedding.

Tommy's a jerk who cheated on Dina many times before committing to the wedding then invited 200 extra people during the week before it took place. At the reception, he left the bride alone while he went into the kitchen to boss the wait staff around. In the video clips at the VH1 site, you can see the extra old men parked around the offices engaged in man-banter as if it were kind of  a social club, a situation which accounted for a lot of the user complaints about dealing with this place. So now we know what we're dealing with here - what a pity only he won't appear on RHoNJ.

Other elements of this series include construction companies, stage mothering, strip clubs, the fashion business, post-divorce rancor, infertility, phone sex and daily blow jobs. And that was just the preview of the first full episode on May 12th!

This show is going to be so great that it will wipe all the rest of the Housewives franchise right out off the map.

Shocker! White House Denies Bow

In a stern announcement this afternoon, the White House rushed to issue a firm objection to Michelle Obama's bow, an outfit that drew praise from Obamamaniacs and criticism from independent thinkers and also those with eyeballs.

"It wasn't a bow. It was a clown tie." said an Obama aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. White House spokespeople refused to comment when asked if the "bow" converted into a hajib suitable for meeting Turkish dignitaries.

The Washington Times called the alleged bow a  "shocking display of unsuitable  fashion decision" and said it violated centuries of American tradition of trying to avoid making yourself look like a 6 foot tall asshat.

Bitch Mode

Bravo TV had a sneak peak of The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night. View full episode here.

Lucky for you that you know me because I believe that I can enhance your reality tv watching experience by comparing this show with what life is like for real NJ housewives. The preview was only 30 minutes long but there's way to much to sort through for a recap.I strongly suggest that you go to the Bravo TV website and look at the full episode until recaps start appearing on the internet, but until then, I will say this:

Reality TV -

• What they got wrong:  signage of the turnpike is shown during the scene bumpers instead of the Parkway. I am outraged. Lots of states have turnpikes but the Garden State Parkway is strictly Jersey. That reveals a strong NYC influence -straight out of the Lincoln Tunnel - over the production. THESE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO COME HERE TO PICK OUR PUMPKINS. That's all I'm saying.
  
• What they got right: everything else. These are the people I have to compete with for parking spaces. If you want to survive in a state with people like these, you must learn to avoid eye contact and pretend that either they aren't there or you aren't there.

Reality -

Near the end of her workday, real NJ housewife Suzette called her husband to meet her for dinner. While headed to Applebee's for  2 for $20 dinner package, she suddenly remembered that a cab driver told her about a local diner where the food is good, plentiful and cheap. Suzette's husband Sami enjoyed a gyro platter but Suzette could have done better than the meatloaf dinner. In true Jersey style, they took up 2 of the 8 most convenient parking spaces.

Later that evening, a Corelle plate that was mistakenly placed on a warmish stove burner shattered into bits so the whole family pulled together to engage in shard patrol. Worn out from walking back and forth in the kitchen, Suzette went upstairs, put on yesterday's nightgown and settled in to watch some TV.

They Couldn't Compete With My Hotness So They Just Up And Died

Here is a running list of things that have stopped being hot for me:

• my travel blow dryer
• my spare bedroom blow dryer
• my curling iron
• the last good burner on the stove¹

I'm trying not to draw any conclusion but doesn't this set of circumstances seem odd to you?

But am I bovvered? No. Perhaps you remember a time not too long ago that puffy hair was my top priority. I've been living the Little Dutch Boy² look for more than a year now so blow dryers and curling irons, while still quite lovely to have around, are no longer essential to the daily prep. As long as I have a round brush and a can of TIGI Bed Head, then I am content and ready to face the world.

Say, they're not going the way of Lenox and Waterford, are they? Somebody google up "financial status of hairspray companies" for me, will you? I don't have the heart.

.

¹ I have completed the lifetime requirement for producing hot meals so I don't really care. I still have a microwave and a drawer full of take-out menus, plus I know where the restaurants are.

² Sometimes it's a Sexy Little Dutch Boy look and sometimes it's a Dignified Little Dutch Boy Lady look. I think you'd like either one.

Putting On the Crankypants

Let's leave bacon alone. I like bacon as much as the next guy - more, even - but I've about had it with bacon-flavored floss, bacon martinis and cooked up bacon monstrosities like deep-fried bacon and bacon-cheese concoctions.. Let bacon be bacon and then we can all get back to our lives.

Dear Cute Overload, Baby snakes and lizards are not all that cute. Stick to the kittens and puppies. Thanks.

The speed of ruining things is getting faster. It took years for sidebar ads, pleas to "review my product" and displaced professional journalists to ruin blogging but Twitter got ruined in less than one year by those with their own commercial interests. Or maybe it was the TV news anchors.

Also, I reject any made up word that blends the tw from Twitter with the ass end of another words to make a fake stupid word like twitterati or twestival.  Stop that. I do like the Fail Whale, though.

Question

Can you do a "find and replace" in Typepad? I realize that it was wrong of me to refer to the youngest Obama as Sashay. I would like to replace every instance of that with Sanchez instead. Let's try it out:

• Malaria and Sanchez are looking forward to the arrival of a puppy in the White House.
• $2.00 is placed into the collage fund account for Malaria and Sanchez every time someone ties a big ribbon around a J Crew coat.
• Malaria and Sanchez are thrilled with the pint-sized hajibs that daddy brought home from his trip to Turkey.

Yes, I think it will do.

test