One thing they don't tell you about southern California is how churched up it is. Maybe it just seems like that - is it possible that local zoning just makes it appear that there's a church of some kind every 500 feet? And they've got the big ones here, too - the Crystal Cathedral, that purpose-driven Saddleback place, even Benny Hinn is here. Right now, I'm listening to talk radio station KFI 640 AM. It's the "Jesus Christ Show".Guess who the Host is? Jesus!
I just read that last sentence again. Funny! Only the Catholics will get it.
This is fascinating. Elvis is shaking up some gospel music in the background and Jesus is taking phone calls. The call-in number is 877HOLY HOST. Somebody just called in with a question and now I wish I was paying more attenttion instead of blogging because the words coming out of the radio are ".. when I was 12 years old, my parents had to come get me from the Temple..." . tha's a direct quote from Jesus. And then something about the Torah, which is being pronounced ta-RAH.
Here's a cellphone shot of the poppy planting at the gate of the apartment complex where I'm staying. One does love the plantings they have going on in this part of the country. I'm not so crazy about the palm tree proliferation but I do like the things that resemble houseplants gone wild and of course things in bloom.
This morning, I was zigging to McDonald's to get some coffee when I made a last minute decision to zag into Von's supermarket instead. All I can say is, that place is no Ralph's. I had no choice but to buy organic milk. I hope I don't get a headache trying to break away from BGH.
Early morning shopping was made more fun by the fact that I was wearing my sleep/slouch around/drive-thru outfit. No one knows me here!
The season finale of the Real Housewives of Orange County ran last night. The end. Whatever else happened was totally eclipsed by the absolute brilliance that is the Real Housewives of New York.
These two shows have the same basic concept but the differences are far more than East coast/West coast. RHOC has pettiness and sniping; this one, heretofore known as RHONY, has scheming, smack talk and retaliation.
Let me get it on the record right now: I'm on Team Jill. I love how she gets right into it. There was a dust-up over the summer between the van Kempens and Jill - first he said, then she said. What she said - that Simon was a fall-down drunk - hit the NY Post because she said it to Cindy Adams. She called them right up to say in essence, "I feel bad that it was in the paper but I'm not sorry I said it." then she followed up by saying "I don't want bad blood because of this. Let's put it behind us." That's an adult talking. You gotta love that.
Bethenny Frankel is definately the girlfriend to have as the third party when you're having a strained conversation over the telephone. Part Greek chorus; part mime, she's good with the instant interpretations ("She's pissed!") and with the exaggerated reactions and facial expressions. No romantic angle for her this week but the previews for next week show her crying, so it won't be a long wait.
The van Kempens! Strivers! The opening scenes showed them in their messed-up, forever work-in-progress Brooklyn townhouse. Alex was sitting in the basement playroom next to the exposed electric meters. She's stringy and bulbous at the same time and is one of the few people in America who could be made better looking by the application of hair extensions. Here's a tip - don't expose those toes. It's bad enough we have to look at that lightbulb-shaped head of yours.
Check out the July 4th Hamptons rental they took to keep up with the Joneses. Keep an eye out for the "strangely lavish pool reminiscent of ancient Babylonia." Not too many first-hand reports around about ancient Babylonian pool decor, so maybe it is but if that's the case, I'm pretty sure that suburban New Jersey is chock full of ancient Babylonia as interpreted by Staten-island transplants who made it big in asphalt paving.
Did you catch that TV in the bedroom action? Even Sybil's mother was less insane. Those kids are doomed. I'm very fond of the moment from last season was when the subject of school came up, someone said to Alex that her son Francois might have a tough time of it because of his name. Alex admitted that she had thought of this and even went so far as to suggest a nickname for him. "I was thinking of Fronk." Fronk!?
Fast forward to the charity fundraiser for Kenyan orphans - not a Kenyan in sight but plenty of Hampton eccentrics. Which is your favorite -the lady with gold lipstick or the man dressed in a pizza shirt?I'm going with the pizza shirt guy, not so much for the shirt as for the wig that was unnaturally black and perched sideways on his head. "I only paint tomatoes."
Oh, that Countess. Love that 3rd person reference. A former model (catalog and commercial) who bagged a Swiss count as his 4th wife, she's now writing a book on etiquette and manners. Pul-eeze. Anyone who's read Dear Abby more than once knows more about etiquette and manners than this one does. Am I mistaken or does good manners mean that you put others at their ease and never make them feel uncomfortable? Would that include the gentle put-down to a friendly offer of a cold beer on a hot night? "Sweetheart, the Countess doesn't drink beer from a bottle." A simple no thank you might have been more graceful.
I must admit to a moment of fear when Jill took to the mike and thanked the group for coming, announced that there were gift bags that contained a 3% discount coupon at her husband's fabric business and then exhorted everyone to buy fabric from Zarin's. "Fabric! Fabriiiic! Fabriiiic!" was her closer and she all but screeched it. I should have known better than to doubt her, though, because she immediately turned to her husband and said "There. Are you happy now?" which, as you all know , is the mantra of anyone married more than 5 years. "Are you happy now?" That's our catch phrase. That's on the lunch boxes. that's on the t-shirts. That's in the trailer. That's on the posters. "Are you happy now?"
Are you aware that it's the season finale for season 4 of The Real Housewives of Orange County? AND the season premiere of season 2 of the Real Housewives of New York City?
I can hardly breathe.
RHoOC is so much fun to watch. You'd hate it! There are five women desperately trying to hang on to youth by means of poorly done breast implants and addictions to Botox injections. Except for their shiny, shiny faces, their skin is either leathery or age-spotted, they wear as little clothing as possible, they are lacking in intellectual pursuits and are clueless about their family members. Their kids - young adults, really - run the gamut from lazy to disrespectful to outright disgusting and criminal behaviors. There's some very bad parenting going on here. They live a rich life-style with the houses, cars, boats and Rolexes but in reality are on the brink of financial disaster. I know because I read the OC Register.
The newest housewife is the most likable - she seems like a lovely person - but life seems to go on around her without much. The others don't like her and think she's a pothead because she's so dopey all the time, but I'm pretty sure even potheads know if they have air conditioning or not. This one isn't certain, but she does know that "a big machine comes on at night and makes noise." Don't you just love that?
Her shtick is that she's "obsessed with being young" but she's got skin like a rotisserie chicken and wons the prize for Most Visible Tendons. And talk about tits on a stick.
One reason I like this is that they do a lot of filming in Laguna Beach and when I go visit my son, I go to a lot of those same places. Ok, I drive past them, but still.
Now the RHoNYC are another story entirely. These ladies really have the bucks, they are involved with their children and seem to be very fond of their mates. All but one have real jobs of their own and that one is busy being a countess. Countess LuAnn. What a country! A countess with a hillbilly name.
The thing is these ladies are smart. So smart that they're always plotting to get one up on the other ones. They form bitchy alliances. At least two of the have genuine psychological disorders. Check out Ramona - even without knowing anything else about her, how could you look at those eyes and not know that she's about to make trouble? And she does. And yet, she's got a very nice husband and a decent 12-year old daughter.
Look at this poor thing - Bethany Frankel the Celebrity Natural Foods Chef. Ever hear of her ? No! She's as lean as could be, got a jawline that could cut glass and is a compulsive talker. Here she is cheffing up some rice and revealing the professional secrets, which are "add liquid until it looks like this" and "cook it until it looks like this". Not sure you can handle it - better leave it to the celebrity professionals.
The poor thing is actually hanging by a thread. Whatever damage was done in her childhood makes her very fragile emotionally, despite her success as a celebrity natural foods chef (who uses coconut milk from a can.)
There's a Eurotrash couple who live in Brooklyn but are striving to climb the NYC social ladder and my favorite one: Jill Zarin. That's what she calls herself: Jill Zarin. Hi, I'm Jill Zarin. Hello - Jill Zarin. My name is Jill Zarin. She seeems like the most levelheaded one and that she can handle any of the other ones when the shenanigans start up.
So there we have it - something for both sides of the fence tonight. You watch RHoOC and wince and think "What a bunch of shallow dummies!" the whole time. then you watch RHoNYC and think "What a bitch!" but you can't help but root for them.
While the firms dry clean the garments before they are hired out again,
some kilts are so dirty they are unhygienic for staff to handle ... Because of this and the potential hygiene problems, we are politely asking people to wear underwear.
Good luck with that, Scottish kilt-renters.
Two things about men who go without underwear beneath a kilt:
1. I've been around many kilt-wearers in my life and let me tell you that unless they are part of a UK military regiment, only the newbies go without underwear.And you can tell who they are, too, by how much fiddling they do. Applied to this issue, a newbie can include those who rent kilts for special occasions.
2. Here's the other thing: they are not opposed to a public display of the fact that they are not wearing underwear.So if you're curious/interested, don't be shy about looking. For those of you who don't have the near occasion to be around kilt-wearers, you can take a peekhere.
Of interest to note is that the term is not going "commando", it's "regimental."
Did you know that there are little push-in tabs on the ends of foil and plastic wrap boxes?
And when you push them in, they hold the roll in place so it doesn't jump out of the box when you try to unroll a piece of the wrap? It's true - I looked on my foil box yesterday, found them right there, pushed them in, and had a transformative experience unrolling the foil.
I tell you - I'll remember that moment forever. Why is this a hidden feature? I guess nobody's making money on it so it's not worth talking about. but you'd think somebody would have made mention of this somewhere along the line. It's big.
Have you noticed that the Most Beautiful First Lady Ever™ has a situation with that right eye? I'm not yet sure if one eye is smaller than the other one or if it's a droopy lid. In this photo from Inauguration Day, she looks like there's not enough strength in the eye lid to stand up to the breeze.
Don't think that it's combating the outdoor elements that creates this situation. Here she is indoors, all fixed up for her big moment in front of the cameras. Clicking the thumbnail images will let you see that on the first night that she addressed the country on national TV she was wearing a big plastic pin and one round eye and one almond-shaped eye.
Maybe it happens when she gets tired. The strain of trying not to trip on the hem of her toilet paper ballgown must have worn her right out. Her lips are smiling but her eye is drooping.
It's noticeable even from an angle.
Appearing on TV makes the uneven eye size even more noticeable. Here she is wearing her trademark big pin and cardigan sweater.
Madama Toussand's is well-known for their realistic depictions of famous people. Now it's the Obamas' turn to be immortalized in wax. See how the sculptor captured the eye thing?
It hasn't always been there. Look at these photos from her earlier days. So it's a progressive thing. Bears watching.
But look at it now. here at the reopening of Ford's Theater in Washington DC this month:
And yesterday in Chicago:
Take a look at that second picture again. It's not just the eye - its the brow that droops, too.
Keep an eye on this (har!) whenever you see her picture. . If its a progressive medical condition, that would be too bad. But if it's not - if it's due to tiredness or stress, it's possible that we can use this as a barometer for what's really happening behind the photo ops.
We're fans of toast. We like toast with eggs in the morning, we like tuna salad on toast and we even like a nice piece of toast torn into chunks to float on top of soup. (Ok. That last one was me - not him. I know it IS Valentine's Day and all bloggers supposed to paint a pretty picture today but the truth is that Sami and I have disharmony about soup. And even if I ever got him to eat soup, he'd never float pieces of toast on it. "Disharmony" is not too strong a word for this.)
You might remember our sad/annoyed situation when half of each side of our toaster stopped working. So because we didn't let a thing like a half-functioning toaster interfere with out toast activites, we just turned the slices around and put them through again so that the bread ended up toasted on both sides. We carried on like that for a few weeks but it soon became obvious that the remaining heating wires couldn't take the strain and were in the process of failing.
Let me tell you something - it's not that easy to find a white toaster. You can get black toasters, and red toasters and you cannot get away from stainless steel toasters, but its a job to find a white one. Luckily, Bed Bath and Beyond didn't get the memo because they had two of them. We went with the Cuisinart over the Hamilton Beach because of the obvious superiority of the crumb tray. Not only that, but it has "bagel" setting that heats a little longer than the regular number setting. We believed that would be a good thing.
So we started out on 5 (out of 9) + bagel the first day and got a blackened bagel. Then we tried 4+ bagle and got the same result. That was the last day we used the bagel setting. A slice of Wonderbread in there doesn't stand a chance. Long story short - we keep it on 1 now and hover over it to make sure it doesn't over toast.
That picture doesn't do it justice. The little number for the heat setting glows a bright orange. "Glows" is too mild for what it does - "radiates" might be a better description. It might even pulsate - I try not to look too closely at it. But for sure it doesn't just sit there and wait.
Out toasting time in the morning has been radically reduced so I guess we're on the plus side with this purchase. But I lose a lot of time during the rest of the day thinking about that toaster.
I created a Tumblr account. The only thing that I ever posted there is a photo of Robert Moses. When I went back to look things over, it said this under the photo: "October 1952". I don't think that's when I posted it.
In recent months, dioceses around the world have been offering
Catholics a spiritual benefit that fell out of favor decades ago — the
indulgence, a sort of amnesty from punishment in the afterlife.
It's been a long time since I was in a catechism class, but my recollection is that when it came to shortening time in Purgatory, your sacrifices were done to gain indulgences on behalf of other souls, not your own.
Maybe I wasn't paying attention on the day they discussed shortening your own purgatorial experience. For a number of years, I offered up quite a bit of suffering - hangnails, intestinal gas pains, etc. - for the souls in Purgatory. I'm pretty sure that if I knew that I could help myself , I wouldn't have been so quick to give it away. My recollection was confirmed by the religious philosophers in attendance at The Thursday Night Martini Club this week.
FYI - I'm not too worried about the Purgatory thing. Once, completely out of the blue and entirely unsolicited, Sami told me he believed that I would go to Heaven. Once. In 30 years. Whatever! It still counts.
Not for nothing, but if party loyalty was enforced anything like the way the mafia goes about it, Arlen Specter would be taking delivery of a dead fish right about now.
Did I ever tell you about the time some careless man picked up my laptop at the other end of the TSA scanner? Long story short, I created a sensation running through LAX in my stocking feet.
So I personalized the thing with the first sticker that I could put my hands on. I like that it has a black-eyed toughie on it. I want careless men to be aware that bodily harm might come to them if they toucha my laptop.
Tears got the smypathy vote for Hillary during the primaries, so the president thought he'd go for the sympathy factor by giving himself the El Kabong on the doorway of Marine 1 as he departs to shove his stimulus bill on the citizens of Elkhart IN.
Whenever I feel like it's time to announce how sad and pathetic I think cat people are, I remember that Freddie Mercury loved his cats and would often call his house to speak to the cats while he was on tour with Queen. He dedicated the album Mr Bad Guy to his cat, Jerry and even wrote a song about one of his favorites, Delilah that goes in part:
You make me so very happy
When you cuddle up and go to sleep beside me
And then you make me slightly mad
When you pee all over my Chippendale suite
Swear to God, that's for real.
In that sobering final video, Freddie is wearing a vest that had his cats' portraits hand-painted on it.
The dog has matured to the point where he can spend several well-behaved hours in the family room with us. There are still lapses in civilized behavior but for the most part, he can sit next to me while I read a book without trying to chew the cover and he no longer tries to stick his nose into anybody's coffee cup. Mostly he chews on a Nylabone and waits for an unguarded tissue to rip apart, but lately he seems to be taking an interest in the TV now.
Stedman likes: Gilmore Girls, Fox News.
Stedman actively dislikes: Lawrence of Arabia.
Here he is with his eyes glued to the one show that never gets tired for him - Mr. Sami.
I thought it would be amusing to watch Lawrence of Arabia with Sami since he has such strong (negative) opinions about the Saudis, the Turks and the British Empire as a whole.We never got around to any of that because I forgot about his extreme dislike for Omar Sharif, who Sami considers to be a betrayer of Christianity and an badmouther of America.
Things escalated pretty quickly and the dog had strong objections to the swelling background music. The whole experience didn't last 10 minutes. Once we turned off the movie, Stedman was more entertained with the vigil he was holding for a paper napkin that had slipped to the floor.
Today we try Trading Spouses. The dog seems mildly amused by that show.
NOW UPDATED WITH ADDITIONAL EVEN-TOED UNGULATE NEWS! *
For all the hand wringing over fear that the evil Republicans taking away the right to free speech during the Bush years, who could have predicted that the First Amendment would be voluntarily surrendered during the Obama years?Could that be why comedians continue to find nothing at all funny about BO?
1. TY Company introduces Beanie Baby dolls named Marvelous Malia and Sweet Sasha. The first lady objects. Resolution: Although the TY company has said that the dolls were not likenesses of the first daughters (except for the enormous feet) , they retired the S&M dolls and plan to donate any money from their sale to charity.The dolls have been re-introduced named "Marvelous Mariah" and "Sweet Sydney.No word yet on MO's opinion about the many newborns named Bumbling Barack and Miserable Michelle.
I have a ticket for a 1:00pm flight to California today. Imagine my surprise when I came home from a hastily rescheduled Martini Club meeting last night to find a message that my meeting was changed and that I would not be going after all. It's ok because there are many benefits to staying in New Jersey in February:
you don't have to paint your toenails if your feet are in snow boots
no need for blusher due to naturally rosy cheeks induced by hometown temperature of 14º
highly entertaining "vision challenge" of driving down the Parkway while sun glares off of white snow
wearing a faux fur hat eliminates need to style or otherwise attend to hairdo
reduced likelihood of having to show my underwire bra to TSA agents when attempting to board my own car
Bad day at the office, honey? "Tired of being in the White House " after only two weeks -something about the heat and getting out of the kitchen- the prez seeks out some second-graders to continue his everlasting campaigning. Can somebody run this through MS Word tools function and check the grade level comprehension on his little speech?
REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
AFTER READING TO THE SECOND GRADE CLASS - Capital City Public Charter School
Washington, D.C.
2:33 P.M. EST
"You’re excellent listeners. And the reason we came to visit, A, we wanted to get out of the White House; B, we wanted to see you guys; but C, the other thing we wanted to tell everybody is that this kind of innovative school, the outstanding work that’s being done here by the entire staff, and the parents who are so active and involved, is an example of how all our schools should be.
And what I’ve asked Arne Duncan to do is to make sure that he works as hard as he can over the next several years to make sure that we’re reforming our schools, that we’re rewarding innovation the way that it’s taking place here, that we’re encouraging parents to be involved, that we’re raising standards for all children so that everybody can learn — especially things like math and science that are going to be so important for the jobs of the future.
And so we’re very proud of what’s been accomplished at this school and we want to make sure that we’re duplicating that success all across the country. So nothing is going to be more important than this.
And the recovery and reinvestment act that we’ve put forward will provide billions of dollars to build schools and help with school construction. It will provide money to train teachers, especially in subjects like math and science that are so critical. And it will also give Secretary Duncan the resources he needs to reward excellent, innovative schools. And so we think it’s really important for the country that we get that bill passed.
But thank you so much, everybody. Appreciate you."
At which point the Capitol City Public Chater School building rose up like the Hindenburg from all that hot air.
Good to see he's back in a jacket and tie. Maybe I've been looking at the wrong Obama for fashion analysis. When he was feeling cocky and in full belief of his own press reviews, he did his appearances in shirtsleeves and kind of slumped in his chair. (see Matt Lauer, glib). The latest round of TV news show appearances and this bonus excursion had him in full sartorial splendor, flag pin and all.
I like to keep the TV on in the background during my early morning scan of the internet but ever since I broke away from the morning shows on cable TV, I've been hard pressed to find a substitute. Sometimes I go to reruns of sitcoms that I never watched in the first place (Becker, Wings) or would watch if I had some other reasonable option. The History Channel is hit or miss - too much Nazi; not enough Robber Barons.I'd watch local news, but around here "Local" means New York or Philadelphia.
That is what happens when you have amateurs trying to encroach on some body else's tradition. When you think of groundhog day, do you think of Staten Island chuck orPunxsutawney Phil?Right.
"Apparently, President Barack Obama thought that Jessica Simpson's
weight was something he needed to make fun of during his pre-Super Bowl
interview with Matt Lauer on NBC Sunday ... It seems a bit low of the President of the United States to so offhandedly slam a mere entertainer, doesn't it? ... "
I find this troublesome for a number of reasons: first, I would hope that the president has more important papers to read than US Magazine. Of course, if you subscribe to the notion that he is the frontman for the real power people, then it makes sense that he has time to scan the gossip rags. Second, this bodes ill for anyone who is not on the arugula/vitamin water diet and has more than 2% body fat. I can't help thinking that we're seeing the opening salvos of the war on overweight people. Maybe that will be a feature of the universal healthcare plan that is rolling down the tracks in this country.
But wait! There's more!
"He appears in this national TV interview in a simple button up shirt with
open collar. No suit jacket, not even a tie. Is this the sort of
appearance that a man in the highest office of the land should show the
nation?"
Even Jimmy Carter (the first one) took the trouble to button up a cardigan over his shirt. He seems to be sitting in a not exactly upright posture, doesn't he? All that's missing is a grease stain on his shirtfront.
I'm glad I didn't see this interview before the Superbowl. It was enough of a buzzkill that I had to suffer working-class hero Springsteen huffing and puffing around the stage at half-time.
Michelle Obama hits the ground running on her way to lunch with DC mayor. She's wearing a coat and lumpy dress in two different shades of blue, a pink scarf, green shoes, a black belt and her customary non-hairdo. She completes her personal style statement by shouldering a brown carry-on bag.
click thumbnails for larger images
Besides the get dressed in the dark color palette of this outfit, these photos give up a few other things to ponder:
Picture 1 shows the 44" stride length of the first lady as she thunders towards the restaurant. If her footprints were found at a crime scene, the investigation would be delayed because forensics would certainly never attribute them to a female.
Picture 3 is a clear example of the unladylike stance of MO at rest. Look at the genteel and appropriate foot placement of the other ladies in the photo. Now look at the mayor. Even he has his feet placed closer to each other than MO does.
I'm all for personal style and I find myself hoping she gets it right. It seems, though, since she moved into the White House, she's pulled out moire misses than hits. Might be time for a stylist - a real one this time, not just someone interested in moving merchandise from her own boutique.
America's Little Sunbeam. The missus has returned her inaugural outfit to the Oval Office windows as 44 moves in. The clouds part, sun beams down upon him and shoots out through those remarkable ears. He immediately throws a shout-out to the descamisados, signaling a change in American attitude towards imported Argentinian beef. Here he is dialing up to order some corned beef in a can and a big meat stick.
All about the image. That clean desk only lasted one day. Soon theMagic Egg of Power sculpture was installed there to provide inspiration. Shortly thereafter, the Chia Heads of Moleface were installed. Chia heads are available in a "determined" or a "happy" version - your choice, depending on which Kenyan proverb you wish to represent:
determined - "Always conduct yourself as if you weren't right next to a stupid egg."
happy - "A man who feasts on locally grown greens will never go hungry"
Unrealistic representation living figures. A toy company announced plans to market 2 new dolls named Sasha and Malia. Michelle Obama strongly objected : “We feel it is inappropriate to use young, private citizens for marketing purposes.” The mom-in-chief had to leave immediately after issuing that statement because she was in a hurry to cash the check from Access Hollywood - then onto J.Crew to discuss the wording of the press release for the next Crewcuts design to be promoted at her daughters' next public appearance.
Obama Akbar. Signaling that America's new policy is to take the meat stick from all nations, 44 gives his first post-inaugural TV interview to Arabic TV. Here he is giving a shout-out to his devoted Dubai campaign donors. Using the code words "I have Muslim family members" he sets off a the sequence of events that will ultimately result in the release of the Gitmo detainees in exchange for taking Aunt Zeituni off his hands.
More Than Just Litter Left Behind. America is looking forward to those 2 or 3 or 4 million jobs going to be created or saved or stopped from being deleted. In a shout-out to the international garden fertilizer cartel, 44 declares that the first make-work project will be replanting the grass where the National Mall lawn used to be. It will take 2 million people working (on the government payroll) to get that done; the one million who destroyed it during the inauguration did that on a volunteer basis.
Tech No Savvy. New occupants of the West Wing were flummoxed - flummoxed! - this week by electronic security issues. (1.) The deputy press secretaryshort-circuited the electronic doorto the press room (2.) then the entire White House email system suffered an unexplained day-long outage,coincidentally on the same day that (3) the White House website was reading that no official actions had been taken by the new president when indeed they had been (4.) hackers took over the social networking features of theObama website and filled it up with p0rn pictures and Trojan viruses.It's a good thing the O team is full of men who are so with it about modern technology - imagine the hash that regular people would have found themselves in.
Let me get it on the record right now: I'm on 
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