Cripes, Suzette!

Greetings From Sunny California

People! My 4-day confinement in the basement of an LAX hotel has ended and I'm now free to breathe fresh air and look at the sky. I've relocated to my son's apartment (short version: it needs cleaning) and I have the next three days penciled in for leisure.

So what's been happening? Did I miss anything? How as that Obamamercial? I didn't hear a single person speak about it, not even on early morning news. Has  Michelle Threefeet been up to anything lately? I must say, the woman has surprised me. I thought there wouldn't be much to say about her but she's turning out to be a 6 foot tall freakshow.

 Did you know that we have something in common, she and I? I am a fan of big unusual brooches. I can't even decide which photo to show here as evidence that she does, too - to select one is to ignore the many equally ...  um, impressive? pins that she has been sporting across the campaign trail. She likes these sequin flower pins a lot - I've seen them on her in at least 5 colors, and she wears them in varying locations and color combinations. None of which ever make them look good.

So, how've you been? What's been happening?

Fright Fest

   

Despite the fact that masks of politicians are are big sellers on any given Halloween, sales of which are sometimes used as a predictor of election results, this year a new element has been added to costuming: racism.

""No problem if you're a John McCain supporter: Wrinkles and white hair will do the trick. But if Barack Obama's your man, do you darken your face to resemble his African-American skin tone?

How to avoid that pesky racist accusation about your costume this year and yet still be trendy? I say forget about Mr. Obama and go with the Mrs.! The secret of a good costume is to convey the most outstanding characteristics and with her, skin tone need never be mentioned. Feel free to embellish your Michelle Obama get-up by using these elements:

         

                                floral bedspread                       giant plastic jewelry
                                                                                  of questionable taste

        

clown shoes                        expression maker


And there we have it, the perfect witch costume for Halloween:

Bonus information:  Her now famous Bed Spread dress (the other bed spread dress) is not, as has been widely reported, made from Grandma Madelyn's slip covers. It is in fact a designer dress called the Inside Out Dress - which explains a lot about it - and costs $1,250.00. Let the wardrobe outrage commence.

p.s. Note that the dress does not come with a giant black bow at the neck. She thought it would be a good idea to add that enhancement. I can hardly wait to see what she does with the Obama White House china.

h/t News Busters

Parade of Obama Feet

Not one to give up the limelight to anyone else, Mr. Obama displays HIS bare feet.

Here he is walking around in full Mourn My Grandma mode for the cameras in Hawaii. (Nice touch with the shades, sir. Can you turn your face just a bit? That way the sun can catch the glint off of your cheeks. "Tracks of my tears" and all that.  They'll eat it up.)

"His attempt to take a solitary walk outside the Makiki apartment building where he spent much of his youth was cut short, apparently because of the attention of reporters, supporters and curious onlookers."

Solitary walk? You mean, without the Secret Service? But with the press corps?

Also, pigeon-toed much, Mr. Obama?

And just to cover all bases, here is shot of his feet in shoes that PROVES beyond doubt that he is just like us, worn out soles and all.

" ... as he was getting ready to begin his event, he asked me if I was photographing his shoes. When I said yes, he told me that he had already had them resoled once since he entered the race ..."

 

Aww ...  that's so sweet, so human, almost.- he's not just like me, he's better than me. I haven't had a pair of shoes resoled since ... I can't remember when. My childhood, I guess. Back to you, Michelle.

Putting The Sass in Sasquatch

WARNING! Not for the faint of heart.

The author assumes no responsibility for any ill effects sustained by the elderly, the infirm, pregnant women, persons less than 2 years of age or those suffering from severe heart disease, high blood pressure or obstructive pulmonary disease. Look at your own risk.

........................................................

I am so stunned by the sight of this that I am left almost completely snarkless.

 

 

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a rare sighting of the unshod Michelle ThreeFeet. Not sure what to make of the chestal area - definitely unpadded but is that bodice totally empty or are there little saggy boobies in there right above the belt?

That, of course, is a distraction. It's the foot that mesmerizes. Perhaps we change her name to Michelle ThreeToes, no?

In Which I Wake Up Hungry

a. Bagels:

• it's better to have no bagel at all than to suffer through a cinnamon-raisin bagel.
• everything bagels: too much or not enough?
• salt bagels - threat to the pretzel or friend to man?
• Barry Manilow once had a beagle named Bagel.

b. Cream Cheese:

• neither cream nor cheese
• still better than head cheese

c. Orange Juice:

• pulp or pulp-free?
• All juice and juice box products have only nut-free ingredients
• are they kidding me or what?

One of the great vintage treasures that I brought back from the old house in PA is the red plastic carton holder. It was fine for about 8 weeks and then someone in the American Orange Juice cartel got the sinister notion to reduce the size of the package, rendering my carton holder obsolete. And I'm supposed to act like nothing's wrong with that?

Grandma Watch - Day 3

It's Thursday - did Barry really leave the campaign trail to go to Hawaii for the emergency visit he announced three days ago?

Does anyone else think that Grandma is already dead and they'll make the announcement once BO gets there as if it just happened? That way, Barry wouldn't look so bad for delaying his trip so he could dance on the Ellen Show. It wouldn't be the first time he put his own political interests ahead of the dying of his primary female relative. And then spun the story into a campaign talking point.

Money Well Spent vs. Not Enough Money In the World

Interesting fact: Obama spent $140,000.00 on the Styrofoam construction known as Barackopolis that was used for a single evening.

Sarah Palin's wardrobe cost $150,000.00 worn for two months of campaigning. Michelle Obama's wardrobe costs $0 because she makes it out of Grandma Madeyn's slip covers.

 

Compare and contrast. Maybe this is what Obama had in mind with that spread the wealth around business. Maybe Michelle told him to say that. Maybe that is the real purpose of the "emergency" trip to Hawaii - she told BO to go get the drapes.

 

Name those feet.

They've already claimed the right to share your supper, maybe they'll go after the shoes next. Although, really, if she wants Sarah's shoes, she'll have to cobble two of them together for each foot.

Shiver In the Dark

Who among us could not use a little bit of air guitar therapy right about now?

Little children insist on having the same bedtime book read to them night after night because it's familiar and the predictability of the same outcome over and over makes them feel safe. That's how I use YouTube whenever I get stressed.

This song is my aural happy place.  I've been replaying this particular version for the better part of an hour tonight. Is that wrong? Okay - two hours, if you must know. Now is it wrong? Sometimes I wear a headband. Now?

Making Urkel Look Smooth

Two days ago, I asked "Which campaign events were more important than his suddenly ill grandmother?" Today we have the answer:

he postponed his emergency trip because

he had a commitment to dance on the Ellen Show.

Uh - huh. I hope Grandma hangs on till he gets there. He might have to stop at the Leno show on the way over.

h/t Ace

Grandma Watch: Day 2

Obama has still not left for Hawaii on his emergency visit to his Grandma*, whose sudden illness apparently is a broken hip that occurred "recently". Define "recently". She was discharged from the hospital last week, so when exactly did this become "sudden"? After Joey shot off his mouth and hinted at  plans for the betrayal of Israel?

This is the Grandma that he smeared for political gain. How did she get that broken hip anyway - did she get run over by a bus?

STOP THE PRESSES!

I was just looking at BO and MO's wedding picture pose with their mothers. What is the thing that stand out - besides the fact that Michelle Three Feet couldn't hide her cranky face even behind her new bride smile?

His mother has cankles.

Cankles!

That would shine some big fat Oedipal light on his conflicted relationship with Hillary, wouldn't it? In fact, he seems to have conflict with all of the women in his life, Grandma included. 

This is an area that deserves investigative scrutiny. Will the MSM do it ... or should I?

Typical White Person

I question the timing!

Other questions:  Which campaign events were more important than his suddenly ill grandmother? Why are Obama and Biden hiding from the press?  And from their own PR department?

       

Yes We Can Hear Truth

What is happening to the party of hope and change? Did the teleprompter break again? These are things that were long suspected but never spoken aloud. Here they are in their own words:

OOPS!

 * a Scranton colloquialism.
All of the hard-working blue collars in Scranton use this example.

.

 

DUH!

Now They Want to Spread Your Supper Around Too

First, they came for the wealth and I didn't speak up because I wasn't wealthy. Then they came for the shrimp linguine and I didn't speak up because I don't eat shrimp anymore.

"I'm a good cook when I have time to do it. But I'm not -- you know, I'm not somebody who has to cook. If there's somebody else who's got a good meal, we're there."  Michelle Obama

Tremble,  people. Tremble.

Day Dog / Night Dog

Remember when I said I got a neon green reflective vest for dog-walking in the dark? Guess who else got one?

The dogpark was closed today because it was Thompson Park Day. and they were using the off-leash area for the Strutt Your Mutt dog costume contest. The young park ranger who was diverting traffic told us that there would be a lot of happy dogs in costumes there. I almost asked if any were going to be dressed as traffic directors, but I held my tongue. Little did I know that 4 hours and $2.99 later, we'd have our own little canine crossing guard outfit.

Poetry Contest for the Proletariat

Remember this grade school ditty that was the cutting edge of naughtiness in 4th grade?

milk milk lemonade
around the corner fudge is made

I keep thinking that something along those lines can be done with that story about Obama's fancy snack at the Waldorf-Astoria.  Let's see:

lobster lobster caviar ...

                         

'What would be a suitable finish for that? Potential rhymes include, but are not limited to,:

• rock star
• prowl car
• cigar
• granola bar

Work on this while you're waiting for Obama to start spreading the wealth your way.

Because I Think Of You All The Time

Today I was in close proximity to a girdle surrounded by a cloud of pink netting in a picture frame and I knew you would want to see it.

Oh Waiter, You Forgot The Arugula.

"It's not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance at success, too"

Barack Obama explains his income redistribution plan

I admit that at first I was not completely onboard with the whole "from each according to his ability to each according to his need" plan  that he revealed to the world earlier this week, but NOW, now in light of Obama's fancy afternoon snack, it's not looking quite so bad for the middle class.

click to enlarge

"Though he's battling GOP accusations that he's an Ivy League elitist, Barack Obama has a lifestyle of the rich and famous, like TV show host Robin Leach, who always signed off "Champaign wishes and caviar dreams!" While he was at the Waldorf-Astoria at 4p.m. Wednesday, Michelle Obama called room service and ordered lobster hors d'oeurvres, two whole steamed lobsters, Iranian caviar and champaign, a tipster told Page Six."

I don't know about you, but I am certainly looking forward to sharing Obama's success, especially  in the hotel snack department. Hey, could it be that all the time he was talking about community service, he really meant to say room service? I don't blame him for going off-script, what with the lack of a sidewalk teleprompter and all, and I certainly don't blame  Michelle for ordering  that afternoon snack. It takes a lot of lobster and caviar to keep those size 14's moving along.

POLL ish

To my deep regret, I have not yet been polled. Time is running out, pollsters - do I have to email you my phone number AGAIN? If I don't hear from these jokers soon, I'm going to be out of practice when the time does come. Just to keep in shape, I'm going to attach myself to a poll right now.

 

Now I don't advocate sleeping in those clothes so that you have one continuous 36-hour stretch in the same clothes. No, sleeping in your clothes is a fast and easy way to get sick. There has to be a definite break between today and yesterday when it comes to re-wear.

 I'm fairly comfortable with doing the deed while walking the dog in the morning despite the risk of being spotted by someone who saw me yesterday. In this case, I use the same technique that guilty parties use to fool the polygraph -you have to believe the lie in order to avoid detection. And so if I should see a neighbor backing her car out of the driveway, I casually wave and walk on just as if I am wearing my OTHER black t-shirt.

As far as working-from-home wear goes, why wouldn't you wear yesterday's clothes? The danger here is that more often than not, you look up and its 5pm and you still haven't showered. Possibly 6:30pm. And thus that line draws nearer.

Letting The Cat O'Nine Tails Out of the Psyche Bag

• “Look, I got two daughters — 9 years old and 6 years old,” [Obama] said. “I am going to teach them first about values and morals, but if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby" Barack Obama , campaigning in Pennsylvania

• "It's not that I want to punish your success, I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind you, that they've got a chance at success, too" Barack Obama explains his income redistribution plan

• "You know, I've been in these positions before where we were favored and the press starts getting carried away and we end up getting spanked," Obama told the crowd at a New York fundraiser

Barry Sotero must have been a bad, bad little boy. Does it seems to you that he has punishment on his mind a lot more often that the average adult does?

Books And Their Covers

This morning the MSM has decided that although John McCain once again won the debate on points, the fresh youthful image of Bee-Yo made him last night's winner. We can all be grateful to the Yahoo morning-after slideshow for capturing the fresh, young faces of the left. Can you identify them?

#1 This one is the most painful one for me so let's get it over with right off the bat. Look what they did to her. Still carrying $13 million in debt for her failed campaign, she can't even afford to trowel on the pancake and her real face is sticking out.

#2 The cheese stands alone. It's up to America's princess to carry the marks of the multitude of her family's sins  all alone - or she will be all alone as soon as Satan calls in the contract. My, how time does fly.

#3 Conclusion: the cameraman is a Republican. Take a good look  - it's a rare occurance to to see an unflattering image of this one.

#4 Perhaps if this one didn't suffer from a blue-collar beginning, there would have been less to worry about and less total wrinkles at this point in the game. In this case, the sum is greater than the individual frightening parts. Two words: string lift.

#5  All the really cool celebrities are in the Obama camp. If this fashionista continues to call the shots in American style setting, then we can all look forward to a future filled with nose cleavage.

#6 Somebody is going to get a hurting for this one. This little crop out is probably the best looking part of the overall image.

Click for more to reveal the full images. For as unpleasant as these images are, the very worst thing America had to look at last night is undeniably this:

 

Even her biggest fans have got to be asking WTF? Let's see that in close up, shall we?

Voters of America - this is your last chance to wake up and smell the bad judgment. The people who have surrounded Bee-Yo have exhibited very poor judgement, from his single mother with her two loser  husbands (or a husband-and-a-half, if you consider the bigamy factor of Bee-Yo's father. Maybe that's what he was dreaming about - more wives.), to those bizarre grandparents who thought it would be beneficial to have little Barry mentored by a Communist sex perv.

And now this. If Michelle Threefeet has such great fashion sense, how did they get her to do this? Or, did she use her own judgment in deciding if this was a good idea or not? Is this a look that we're going to be seeing copied like Jackie O's pill box hat? Hey, I've got a box full of big pins and quite a few stings of fake pearls. If that's how we're going, just let me know - I can be ready by 10am.

..............................................................

Ok, I forgot how to make that hidden second page, so here they are:

 

#1 Hillary Rodham. As soon as the Madonna/Ritchie thing goes off the front pages, how long till HRC drops that C? Ah, Hillary. We miss you so. My heart is just broken. I cannot continue. Love you, Hillz. xoxo

 

#2. Caroline Kennedy Anschlussberg.  Sweet Caroline was right in staying out of the spotlight all these years. Now that she looks like the rest of the wrinkled up Kennedys, its safe for her to emerge from hiding. that would have been unthinkable when she was younger and more people would have wanted to compare her to the style and idealized image of her mother. How's Uncle Teddy, Car? Any deathbed regrets yet?

#3 Michell Threefeet. Uh-oh. Somebody forgot about Michelle's special lighting requirements. Still, we live in historic times. We're witnessing the first chapter meeting of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Hideous Costume Jewelry.

  

#4 Joe "I'm From Scranton" Biden. Joey! How are things in Scranton? Did you get your blue collar all sweated up from hard work when you were there? What about your plastic surgeon - did he break a sweat while he was doing your cosmetic work? See that skin pattern that runs at a 80 degree angle from his "scalp" to his chin? String lift - look it up.  "As time passes and features start to sag, you can make a simple visit to the doctor, dermatologist or physician, who will pull the existing threads tighter, correcting sagging skin." Yup, yup.

#5 Anna Wintour. Vogue's editor in chief has a creased nose, sausage fingers and cuts her own hair. This is who decides how you look, kids. Is she the one who told Michelle to put those 3 big pins on her beads?

 

#6 Nancy Pelosi.  It's Night of the Living Nanny Pee, practicing her Halloween fright face. No need for extra dramatics, Nanny - we already tremble in fear when we think of you.

Closing thoughts:

 

Abebooks.com Has 121 Copies of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" for $1.00. Perhaps You Should Have Invested A Buck Before You Made That Costume.

Ok, now look. I get what the red part is and I get what the pink part is - I even get the purple, pinworms and all. But what is the green part supposed to be?

 

I have many questions about this get-up. Is it possible that this person got lost on her way to play the eggplant at the elementary school nutrition pageant and some opportunists gave her a sign to hold? Is that smiling face supposed to be one of those born-alive abortions that Obama is so fond of? Is it some kind of outdoor hygiene demonstration?  Walking billboard for Summer's Eve on the way to the beach to frolic about? It's all too vague and confusing.

If you ask me, we don't do enough with our vaginas. Yes, they are well suited for the one or two special tasks they were designed for, but what are they doing the rest of the time? I say let's use 'em to pull that lever on November 4th. Maybe they could drive us home afterwards.

The key here is to be specific. If you're going to be carrying around a sign about vaginas, make the message count. Take this one for instance:

This image is several months old and I can no longer remember the protest venue where the sign appeared but as soon as I saw it, I adopted it as my go-to complaint template, customizable for any occaision when I was angry. Just remove the word immigrant and replace it whatever is suitable for the situation. My diligent vagina, my hypertensive vagina, my artistic vagina, and so on. It was fun for a while but now I've dropped the adjective and just go with the generic "my vagina is angry" whenever something annoys me.

The lunch room was abuzz today with nitwit coworkers discussing the campaign coverage on the 12 o'clock news. They made some comment to include me in their sweeping nitwittery and it made my vagina very angry indeed. Then my friend asked me if I was watching the presidential debate tonight and I told her that I couldn't because it made my vagina angry the last time I watched.

I'm going to get myself a sign.

 h/t Sweetness & Light

Drop Dead Date

Dear Ringo Starr,

This is a serious warning to you that after October 20th, I will not be sending you any fan mail. I have too much to do. I'm also going to be asking you to give me back 1/4 of the cumulative lifetime total dollars that I spent on Beatle records. If you're not willing to wade through a vat of blood and excrement for it, I'm willing to take it out in trade - I'll call you in about 6 weeks to have you touch up my roots.

Peace and love.
Peace and love.

Suzette

P.S. Since this is our last communication, I telling you in peace and love that all the times I declared my "Favorite Beatle" allegiance to John, George or Paul, you were never in the running. Also, your acting reeks as bad as your drum playing. And you're short.

[Note to Dogette: I know you have a list of celebrities that have never finished high school. Can you start one for celebrities who have never started high school and put this guy's name at the top? Unless you have too much to do.]

Reading, Writing and Drinking Whiskey with Frank Marshall Davis The Communist Sex Perv

Looking for something to read today? See how you like these:

 Racine Schools hand out textbooks with 15 page Obama love-fest  "I'm wondering how it is that Obama's story gets put into an 8th grade literature book? It would be one thing, if it was just the tidbit about his boyhood days, but 15 pages, and they talk about his "Life of Service".I did a little checking on McDougal Littell, and it appears that MCDOUGAL, ALFRED L CHICAGO , IL 60611 - N/A/RETIRED has been making contributions to Barack Obama's campaign! Is it ethical for an Obama supporter to publish an educational book which has a 15 page Barrack Obama story in it? If the tax payers are paying for these books, why is it okay for McDougal Littell to promote Obama?"- Real Debate Wisconsin

Editorial comment: This must be how little intellectuals get their start. I just bought some killer soap dishes from the Miles Kimball company, which is located in Wisconsin, this week. Does sales tax I paid on that purchase support state education in Wisconsin? Do not like.

 Newspapers ought to charge someone for this kind of blatant electioneering.   Doonesbury's colorful Sunday comic strip on October 12 was a complete mudslinging negative ad on behalf of the Obama-Biden ticket. Newbusters

Editorial comment: Is this strip still being published? I though Gary Trudeau died. Of boredom. From reading his own strips. Or from looking at Jane Pauley's wrinkled ass.

 Since Frank Davis has been identified as the author of Sex Rebel: Black, Obama has been extremely secretive about the true nature of his experience with the self-admitted deviant. In Dreams from My Father,... Obama wrote (about being taken as a 10-year-old by his grandfather to visit Davis):   "As the night wore on, the two of them would solicit my help in composing dirty limericks."... That could actually be very sad.- Riehl World View

Editorial comment: Sad, indeed. BO's childhood years read like a Lifetime TV movie script where the young mother gives up her child believing he will have a better life than she can provide for him but it turns out he is subjected to evil. No wonder he's hiding those grandparents of his. Has it occurred to anyone that BO is the descendant of people with extremely questionable judgment?

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats - Part 2

THE GUILT HAMMER

This is the Difference Between Republicans and Democrats:

• Republicans speak to the future.
• Democrats speak to the past.

From the intellectuals on the left  who brought you the Bush As Hitler talking points, we now have the McCain as Wallace comparison. Really?

I saw John Lewis speak earlier this year. He made the point that of the six major black leaders of the civil rights movement, he was the only one still alive. How fortunate that is - otherwise they'd be trotting out Sharpton and Jackson to carry this water for the left.

Can I be the one to say it? No one is playing the race card except the left. And the only people whoa re doing it are those who have something to gain by keeping it alive. What could Jackson and Sharpton have to gain by injecting race into every news story they possibly can? How about Lewis? Would he be a elected official anywhere but Georgia? At the aforementioned speaking engagement, Lewis spent 20 minutes speaking and 45 minutes taking props as he exited the auditorium - via the main aisle under spotlights. Long after the applause faded, he was slowly making his way along saying "thank you" before the recipient of that gratitude even said a word or reached out a hand. So what possible interest could he have to keep the race card in play?

What possible interest could Obama have in keeping the race card in play?

 

Who Says TV Is Not Educational?

If the New York Times, God love 'em, can support Maureen Dowd putting up a column filled with Babelfish Latin translations, then I think I can be indulged to tell you that Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres.

I learned that from watching The Flying Nun. Carlos, the casino owner, thought that Sister Bertrille put a curse on him when she said that so he made her take it back. When Karen's maid asked Gidget if that was really a curse, it was revealed that this is the opening line from Julius Ceaser's Livejournal.

We must also thank the Flying Nun for explaining how flight works:
( If [lift + thrust] > [weight+drag], then = flight). I'm telling you, that show was a downright education laboratory. Unless theres some tie-in that I'm missing here - nuns, Latin....I don't know. Let's sleep on it.

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats - Part 1

PAST SINS

This is the difference between Republicans and Democrats

• Republicans look for leaders who inspire them to better.
• Democrats look for leaders who absolve them of human failings.

Let's Go For A Ride, Canine Edition

It must have been Single Dad day at the dog park today because all the toddlers were in the big dog pen with the 100+ pound canines. Stedman did much better in terms of socializing. Found a few dogs to sniff and after about  20 minutes, he found a kindred spirit to jump up and bang bang faces with over and over.  I almost cried with happiness.

He did okay on the ride over. I put him in the cargo section of my sport ute and there wasn't much activity going on during the drive over. It was on the way back that he felt empowered to claim the whole car as his own. Here he is about to go over into the back seat.

At this moment he was like the proverbial - how do you say... fence turtle? - with all legs in the air. He's so smart, though - he stuck that tongue out as far as it would go and that threw his center of gravity forward until he achieved his objective.

I never cared much for those back seat headrests and usually took them off and stored them rather then have them obscure my field of vision. This model has low-profile headrests that ride low so I never moved them. Until today, when I found out they make ...

 

... an excellent mobile dog prison. It takes 15 minutes to drive home from the dog park and 5 of those were nothing but blissful peace of mind and silence. And then he realized that he got the short end of our brief interaction.

I remember now when the kids were small, I believed that I was constantly monitoring them and no mother in history was more vigilant than I. In fact, my vigilance was a point of pride for me. But then, I'd turn around and one of them would be submerged beneath the Mr Bubble and the other one would be swallowing quarters.

So, I don't know - maybe it's me? And time didn't make me any quicker, either. If he's got to travel around inside a mobile dog prison for both of our sakes, then so be it.

Where In the World Is Michelle Obama?

Now, look. I can understand why the campaign wants to keep MO's cranky mug out of the public eye until the fix has been accomplished. The in-the-tank media is complicit in this effort and personally, I'm all for it. In this case, less is definitely better.  But think of the real news we're all missing. For instance, did you know that the same artist that gave us nude Britney Spears giving birth and Hillary Clinton's bust has recently unveiled  Michelle Obama’s Makeover for America?

  

I'm sure she'll love that -  don't you think? - especially the "... pearl-studded Afro pick, shaped like an eagle, [that] demonstrates the makeover’s fashion mix of Black African and White House heritage to reinvigorate the traditional First Lady pearls." Riiiiight.

The goal of this piece in the artists own words is "to create a look for Michelle Obama that eliminates excesive comparison to Jackie Kennedy".I say mission accomplished.

But he forgot about the feet. Jackie had enormous feet and although she made it known that she wore size 10N shoes, the truth is closer to 11.5N. What is Michelle's shoe size, I wonder? I'm calling her "Michelle Three Feet" because it looks  like each one of her feet are 18" long and that adds up to 36"  (or 3 feet). We'll know if any drag shops appear on her list of preferred designers because that's the only place that you can get ladies' shoes larger than size 12.. 

You think it's a an unimportant issue? It's not. How many times have you seen photos of her feet? Precious few, that's how many! And for good reason.

 

Fred Astaire thought his hands were too large and inelegant so he made sure that he was always photographed holding them at such an angle as to minimize their size. MO does that with her feet, sometimes with negative results. What we're seeing in this photo is that she's rather flash her begonia that have her feet photographed full on.

And those poor little girls! Daughter Malaria is rocking the shoe canoe look in Shaq's hand-me-downs while little Sashay has already learned how to hide hers. Like mother like daughter.

(Did you know that Sashay's real name is Natasha?  I didn't - is the MSM deliberately hiding this information,  too?  FYI - many, many Communists name their daughters Natasha. Food for thought. Does she have a middle name? Is it "Rezko?")

Valley of the Dorks: Dog Walking Edition

I saved up my pocket change and went off to the hair salon today expecting to get $100.00 worth of beauty. The bill came to $75.00 so I'm a little it farther behind on the beauty curve than I expected to be at this point. I was sort of reluctant to lose my little pony tail. I haven't had a pony tail since before a peanut farmer was elected president and it was kind of cool. I could pull it up whenever I got all steamed up - a frequent occurance - and it was ideal for that pre-shower early morning dog-walking. 

Did I forget to mention that I have a personal wellness plan going on? No need for the Obamas and Pelosis to tell me about preventative measures and healthful lifestyles. I have made a commitment to daily dog walking and  red wine drinking. I take a break from the red wine on Martini Night, but otherwise I'm quite consistent about it all.

Anyway, dog walking. I'm the middle-aged blonde you see motivating up the street while you're still sipping your coffee and looking out the window in a daze. I've got all the standard accouterments -  the chunky white sneakers, the grey sweats and the baseball cap with a little ponytail protruding from the back. It's The Look.

Now the ponytail is no more. I'm happy with my refreshed look - sort of a little dutch boy/pudgy Doris Day kind of vibe - but the ball cap isn't going to cut it anymore. The best I can hope for is the shorter hair poking straight out over my ears from the pressure of the cap.

But one door closes and another one opens, you know? I came home tonight and what did I see waiting for me? A neon green reflective vest! It's just like the kind prisoners wear when they pick trash from the side of the highway. I proudly velcroed it on tonight after my hairdo session and strolled about the street. I had to wonder how many navy-blue clad lurkers spotted me during that brief half hour.

So satisfying to know that I am visible from 500 feet.

Please Allow Me to Slob Up the Bottom 10" of Your Glass Door

   

I love the smell of Windex in the morning.

Here is your Wednesday Dog. This dog blogging is so much less aggravating than writing about the differences between Republicans and Democrats. Maybe I'll have the heart for that tomorrow.