New People

I have a whole new group of people to work with now - people who don't know that they must not touch my hair or that I don't like to be hugged the first time we meet. They won't know what I'm talking about when I start carrying on about Art Cars or Stangl and they'll want me to sit in the sunshine.

I can handle all that - it's just a matter of Getting to Know You and I'm sure they all have their own little preferences. But the thing that I dread is when the moment comes that I have to tell them I don't like chocolate.

Have you ever tried telling anyone that? People absolutely will not accept it. You can say that you don't like beer or meat or peas, and no one even blinks an eye. But try telling someone that you don't like chocolate and they spring into action. What happens next is the following:

• they will tell you that they love chocolate
• they will tell you why you are wrong not to like chocolate
• they will start listing all of the fomrs of chocolate that are their favorites
• they will announce the very best chocolate thing they've ever had
• by-standers will chime in about the very best chocolate thing they have ever had.

Now you've got an epidemic. You can pretty much take all the cash out of the register drawer at this point because no one is thinking about you. Talk about invisible! They are rolling their eyes heaven-ward and drawing in their breath like reverse braying and speaking in a sort of shorthand that they all recognize - Death by Chocolate! Ganache! - and the breathless gushing about Have you seen those new Hershey kisses with the CHERRY!CORDIAL!CREME! inside?

Gawd, get a room already.

I once tried saying that I was allergic to the stuff to stave off the predictable reaction, but then I was subjected to an outpouring of condolences the likes of which you have never seen. It wasn't worth it - I'd rather take my lumps with the folks who try to tell my why I'm wrong.

Now I've got to go through it all again with this new crowd. It's going to come up probably sooner rather than later. It always does.

So tiresome.

 

Comments

[pops]

Chocolate?

FEH!

We have more important things to do like go find a rowboat so we can pull Fearless Leader out of the sewage lagoon after all this rain.

Here's the deal with chocolate - it's a publicly acceptable fetish. You can go on and on and on and it's not like a woman in r/ubber p/ants comes over and paddles your b/ack=side raw.

The love of chocolate shows a paucity of thought and a willingness to follow Oprah right into The Abyss.

Suzette says: "That Oprah deserves her own Post of Scorn. I should have recognized the connection between the Chocolate Lovers and the Oprah Lovers before!"

[Jim - PRS]

Love chocolate. Can't stand Oprah. I guess I have a paucity of consistency.

Suzette says: "I was thinking that our next blogger social event should have a theme - maybe we could have a Bloggers Against Oprah night."

[Mary Beth]

One thing my job has taught me. Wait - two things.

1) I learned that apparently I have a larger than "normal" personal space and that the years of growing up in a rather reserved family has made a lot of public touching by people not immediate family, well, outside my comfort zone.

2) The fact that I wear bifocals makes it even more uncomfortable. One time I backed up to be able to see the person who kept intruding on my personal space. I KEPT backing up. They kept intruding. FInally they said - is there a problem? Yes, I said while having a big aha moment - I CAN"T SEE YOU when you stand that close. (So back off bub). I won't even get into the whole drinking-like-a-fish, smoking-like-a-chimney customers....

This is a problem in my job because customers probably have the opposite problem. They refuse to admit they need to wear glasses and they come from touchy-feely families. So they get closer and closer and touch my arm, my shoulder. They call me by name as if they know me.

So I keep backing up.

(And this one's for you delightful Suzette -- a long comment based on your scintillating blog entry)

Suzette says:"That hugging thing is a real problem. I expected the busness world to be more of a handshake type of arena and I'd be good with that, but the hug is rapidly replacing all other forms of greeting."

[Reecie]

Ooooh, I hear you.

I went 40 years not caring for chocolate at all, and I finally got to the point where i just tried to avoid the subject. People do not understand. It's up there with not liking babies.

Of course, after all those years not caring for chocolate, one day, BANG! I woke up liking it. I still don't luuuv it (or ever crave it), but I like it OK. Same for ice cream. About 42 years of not liking it, then all of a sudden ... hey, that's not so bad.

But I still don't like chocolate ice cream.

Go figure.

Suzette says: " You've gone over to the dark (chocolate) side! Like everything else that spins us around and lands us on our assess, we have to blame hormones for this.
Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Offer her some chocolate."

[schmed]

There, there dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your chocolate. I love it!
I'm having chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, baked beans and chocolate.

Let me know if you want to swear off shrimp, avocados or those spicy Thai dishes with the crispy noodles.

Suzette says: " I would gladly give you my pre-destined lifetime allotment of chocolate but I would strongly advise you, Monsieur Schmed, to keep your mitts off of my avocados."

[Mr. Bingley]

My daughter is in the same boat: folks can not accept the fact that this lovely child despises chocolate. Violently.

Crazy.

Suzette says: " The good news is, she's probably already started to develop the necessary survival skills to navigate around the Chocolate Lovers. The bad news is she has another 20 years ahead of her before she gives up and stops trying to make her point."

[OTTami]

Well, it's a known fact that eating chocolate is supposed to reproduce the feeling that you get when you're in love in your brain. If you don't like it, that makes me wonder what's wrong with your brain?

Maybe you just feel like your in love all the time, so you can actually notice the taste! Maybe the rest of us can't, and it actually tastes terrible, but we'll never notice!

OK, I don't really believe that, but I am willing to believe that you don't like the taste, and as schmed has, I too offer to have your chocolate for you, and in return, you may have all of my strawberries. I don't like them.

Suzette says: "Too late - I already gave my chocloate allottment away. Maybe you could swing some kind of deal with schmed. (Watch out for your avocados.)"

[Birch]

No worries. You're not the only one who gets this crap. I'm a vegan lesbian. I cannot tell you how many stories people feel obligated to tell me about either their sexy boyfriends or their meat-filled dinners. Gah.

Suzette says: "Maybe that's it - people are just looking for an excuse to talk about themselves and it doesn't matter what sets them off."

[Lenka]

Yes, I think that all does tie in with the "chocolate = socially acceptable sex proxy" concept.

I sometimes get the same reaction when I tell people (okay, women, since in my observation men rarely seem to expound on a love of chocolate in the same way) that I sort of like chocolate, but I don't love it. Given a choice of chocolate and most other flavors, like vanilla, I won't opt for the chocolate. I may opt for chocolate if the other choices are, say, banana or bubblegum or shoe leather.

"But don't you love the way it makes you feel?" some people say. Actually, I've never experienced the so-called "chocolate high." Doesn't work for me.

My eyes also glaze over when someone starts to tell me "you don't like ______? Gawd, you poor thing, you don't know what you're missing!"

Suzette says: " We need to develop a plan for a fail-safe response to this kind of assault. Maybe something that involves Taylor Pork Roll. At the very least, that should stun them into silence and buy us enough time to make a get-away."

[Cullen]

You should develop a response that sounds slightly schizophrenic. Something like: "Did you know the square root of chocolate is gefilte fish?"

Suzette says: "The chocolate barks at midnight!"

[lee]

I just think that your very very very lucky.
Who wants to be addicted to a bar of saturated fat with as much sugar as is possible to dissolve in it?
No matter what shape or form it is in, it is the work of the devil and I am constantly fighting the battle betwix good and evil - and the avocadoes too.
As for hugging - ick! Who wants to get that close to stranges, so close their nitts can move in, so close that they can put their pee-pee hands on your back? ICK!
Bird flu wil put a stop to that carry on dear Suzette, something to look forward to finally.

Suzette says: "Yes! Birdflu! I'm using that starting right now!"

[toxiclabrat]

I personally hate white chocolate-the ones bought for baking,little nuggat size. They taste like wax..
(to me, anyway..)

Suzette says: Wax tastes better - like those wax lips that are around now. yum"

[Lisa]

I know that look; it's the same look I get when I tell people I don't like watermelon. Or tomatoes. Or okra.

Or pancakes.

Suzette says: "I'm with you on the okra. Once I was served grilled watermelon with onions. It was a side dish at a picnic. In California. Act surprised."

[Cullen]

Lisa, um ... I don't know how to say this exactly but, um ... not liking pancakes is un-American.

I'm sorry. New Dept. of Homeland Security rules. If you'd made me aware of it before today you could have chosen your country of deportation. Unfortunately for you, all that's left is Iraq, Serbia, Afghanistan, North Korea, Mongolia and Belgium.

Just don't, for God's sake, tell anyone you don't like prime rib. OMG, I've said too much!

Suzette says: "Siberia would probably take her - not too much hot grilling action going on there, I hear."

[Mary Beth]

suzette said "but the hug is rapidly replacing all other forms of greeting."

Well, in the retail realm, this week it seems to be all about touching people on the arm or shoulder. Are they just TRYING to make me scream?

In other news, chocolate, especially good dark chocolate is actually good for you. Moderation in all things. I'm not talking hershey's here. So if you're not going to eat that 70% dark chocolate truffle, well I'd be glad to take it off your hands. All to help calm my nerves and asthma ya know.

Suzette says: "A waiter pulled me back by the shoulder in April. I'm still talking about it. Boycott the Opryland Hotel!"

[Sharon GR]

Not a huge chocolate fan. I don't particularly care for shopping either, which I'm also supposed to love since I'm female.

I LOVE caramel. Ginger is a big winner too. Fruit- raspberries, peaches, pears- all winners in my book. My opinion of a restaurant immediately drops two notches if more than 50% of the dessert menu is chocolate. Smacks of a lazy pastry chef.

White Chocolate is horrible. It's either fake, made with partially hydrogenated fats that make it feel like wax in your mouth, or it's real, flavored cocoa butter that tastes like, well, vanilla flavored solidified oil. Ick.

Suzette says: "White chocolate is a mere vehicle for fat. Not that I'm opposed to fat - on the contrary. But if I'm going to eat fat, I'd rather chew on the edge of a steak."

[Kathy]

I think it's a more deep-rooted self-centeredness than just looking for an excuse to talk about oneself. It disturbs their view of the world that "everyone is basically like me, except I'm better." You tell them you don't like chocolate, and their reaction is, "Wait--I like chocolate. How could you not like chocolate? You're just like me. Surely if I just explain it to you, you'll realize your mistake and once again become just like me." That's what really disturbs them, it ruins their vision of the world. What would reassure them is to find something else that you both like, Starbucks coffee or Pina coladas or excellent soup. When they see they have common ground with you, they can relax again.

[aithne]

How very odd that just Friday, my co-worker told me she hated chocolate. Couldn't stand the smell, the taste...the whole experience.

I was shocked speechless. Then I come here and find out that someone else does not like it too! Is there this whole underground thing going on that I have missed?

[Roxanne]

I did not like any form of chocolate when I was young, then my aunt made a homemade chocolate sheet cake with nuts in the frosting, I liked it, so I started trying more chocolate. I still don't like dark chocolate anything, expecially cake,or chocolate ice cream, but I do like chocolate when it is used to complement something, like peanut butter cups and peanut M&Ms. It is also really good when it is really warm (soft to the touch), otherwise I will take carmel any day.
The big thing that I don't like is Strawberries, which is more acceptable since a lot of people are allergic, but so often you go somewhere and you can't get around the Strawberries, strawberry punch, strawberry shortcake, Strawberry Rhubarb pie.