National Nurses Week - Grand Finale

All this week, we've been discussing the history and  heroines of nursing. Over two centuries of altruism, self-sacrifice and steely determintion in the face of insurmountable odds  have converged to produce the modern nurse as exemplified by our final profile of a  New Jersey nurse:  Suzette.

Observe the vintage photograph which commemorates Suzette's graduation from nursing school. In the same year that Richard Nixon became president and Ted Kennedy drove off of the Chappaquiddick bridge, a dewy  and naive  18 year old  left the comforts of  childhood behind  to strike out on her own in the big city - Hackensack NJ.

The times they were a changin' that year - John and Yoko staged their Bed-In for peace, the Stonewall riot marked the start of the modern Gay rights movement and the Miracle Mets took the World Series.  Yasgar's farm was still covered in litter from 3 days of peace and music when Suzette walked into the cloistered  student nurses residence, Johnson Hall.

On the first day, she was wearing a demure shirtwaist dress, low-heeled pumps and glasses. Her hair was short and permed. On the last day, she was wearing  bell bottom hip-huggers, platform shoes and contact lenses. Her hair was long, straight and had a 1" wide bleached streak at the front. In the three years in between, she learned about life  and death, survived a coven of withered spinster nursing instructors, found love and learned to depend on herself.

One day after graduating from nursing school, Suzette hit the streets of New York City as a full-fledged adult at the same time the Equal Rights Amenment was approved by Congress. She purchased the first issue of Ms Magazine.

For the best student nurse story ever, please continue reading.

Best student nurse story ever: The Teaspoon

The first few weeks of nursings school were spent in the classroom under the tutelege of old-fashioned spinster nurses. We learned some theory and the  history of nursing and rode on a big yellow bus to the Fairleigh-Dickenson campus for science courses. On the night before we were to set foot on the hospital wards as student nurses, the whole dorm was in a tizzy. We had our assigments, our uniforms were all starched and ironed - there was just one more thing.

We were advised that we would be facing situations previously unknown to us. Even though we were expected to conduct ourselves in nothing less than a professional manner at all times,   it was possible that due to the combination of young women, male nakedness and the Playboy version of the posssiblities during encounters with  nurses,  some of the male patients might  behave in a manner that was disrespectful and have an erection.

This, of course, was unacceptable and had to be discouraged.  The best way to go about this was to  to carry a metal teaspoon in your uniform pocket. If any one would dare disrespect you by having an erection, all you had to do was to take out the spoon and give a good solid *thwap* to the offending penis  and that would cause deflation  and make it crystal clear that you would allow  no more of that sort of thing.

We could hardly get to the cafeteria fast enough to get our spoons. There we were on the following morning  - 6:30 am, nervous and not entirely sure what to expect from our first day on the floors, but we at least had the certainty of knowing that we were well-prepared to handle  that one situation. We carried those spoons for weeks until it became clear that we would not be needing them after all.

During my many years as a nurse, I have seen hundreds and hundreds of penises of every shape and size  and have never once had to deploy the teaspoon. So far.

Comments

[toxiclabrat]

What an adorable picture of our lovely Suzette!!!
Bright eyed and ready to face many pats on the rear of fine young and old doctors...
Do you ever wear your hat???
I remember the nurses in ICU wearing their different graduation nurse hats one day. It was quite interesting..!

Sadly, no. My caps were stored in the attic and got dry rot. They crumbled to peices when I tried to pick them up. You can't even buy nurses caps anymore, except on naughty adult websites or as part of a halloween costume. - Suzette

[Reecie]

That photo almost made me cry! Look at that sweet, young, fresh-faced Suzette! How many lives has that girl touched in the years since that photo -- too many to count, I'm sure.

It's nice to make a positive difference in the world. You should be very proud. :-)

Believe me, that photo makes ME cry, too. Gone are the days, my friend. - Suzette

[shelley]

I'm just curious: Did no patient ever get an erection in your presence, or were they just respectful about it when they did?

Yes, now that I think about it, it's quite insulting, isn't it?. Am I not worthy of disrespect? - Suzette

[Becky]

What a great picture!

I confess to Googling the nurse + teaspoon story to see if it's a widespread myth or something unique to your school. Couldn't find anything, though I'm at work and had to omit certain key words from the search.

Happy nurses week!

[Lenka]

What a great way to end the New Jersey Nurse series, Suzette!! Love the picture...I just may be inspired to get brave, and post my own as well. Have a fun, spoonless weekend.

It's only brave if you post current pictures. It's acutally quite painless to post ones that show you as young and unbattered by the life. - Suzette

[Susan]

Oh my God. Do plastic teaspoons work just as well?

I admire your bravery in posting your graduation picture. I may do the same.

Or maybe not.
Thanks for a wonderful Nurses' Week!

Plastic teaspoons are the kinder, gentler erection thwapper. - Suzette

[Suzette]

I can't help but notice that the commenters so far are all women. Is something wrong, boys?

[Laura]

can you stand one more female comment? What a beautiful picture! Loved reading this post, Suzette. I wonder if the guys went quiet because they're cringing from that whole teaspoon visual? lol I was cracking up!

No doubt! - Suzette

[pops]

I offer up this comment in loving memory of my Aunt Rose who graduated from nursing school just after Franklin Roosevelt took office. She went on to nurse both full and part-time for 52 years.

About a year before she graduated a snooty intern said to her, "I suppose you think you know more about medicine than I do."

She gave him her famous withering look and said, "I don't think, I know I do." and he slinked off.

Given that her withering look could curdle milk at long range I seriously doubt she even needed a spoon.

[Karan]

Hubba hubba ding ding! Finally a NJ nurse who's not dead!

[Jim - PRS]

I will never look at a teaspoon the same way again. :-)

[Jim - PRS]

I wrote that before I read The Jersey Side. Honest.

I'm pretty sure that all the guys who read this are pretty much thinking the same thing. - Suzette

[The Prop]

I'd like to think of myself as a tablespoon guy...

[Sluggo]

Well, I guess for the guys it's good to know if your nurse has a spoon in her pocket you should ask for a new one. One that's been around more than a couple weeks.

[roberto]

*I heard a similar nurse story in college (actually she was a physical therapy major) not with a spoon but rather a quick flick of the finger. I guess you could also use one of those tongue depressor things. Do they still use those?
*Wow, great picture!
*Thanks for the reminder about Nurse's Week. Must give my mom a call tomorrow. She a nurse, Friday and Saturday nights, at Greenville Hospital in Jersey City.

[Linara]

Very interesting posts...the post about the spoon seems so familar. When I was in Nursing School, we were told a similar story, here in Missouri. After years of hands on Nursing, I am now a consultant for those patients needing help with Medical Insurance claims, something that has been needed for a long time. One day, I hope to be in the position to be able to monitor more closely, and prevent the prevalent mishandling and fraud by the many insurance companies, trying to cheat patients and Healthcare Providers alike, causing patients to deal with lower standards of care...it's a crime, I believe to insist that patients be sent home before they should be, especially new mothers and their newborns who may be at risk and the elderly...it has got to end somwhere!

Lovely photo, btw, Suzette...
I actually felt more "polished" so to speak, when wearing my cap, and kind of missed it, when we all stopped wearing them. But, in the U.S. it seems they are quite a thing of the past, and it is more practical not wearing them.

Peace, Love and Angel blessings, Linara

[Tethysis]

I am curious, have you ever actually known a nurse that struck a patient for an involuntary reflex? Would it matter if the patient was conscience or not? If a male nurse noticed a female with erect nipples during a medical procedure, would he be allowed to strike her? And finally, are
nurses still instructed to assault patients
for normal physical responces that were beyond their control?

[Patricia Triviño Vargas]

The Hildegard Peplau's words just very interesting and emocionaly..theank..
She was married?
I would like to know her personal life...I made a work investigation...Thanks...

[steve]

I know of a young man who was rendered impotent. This is assault and child abuse.
Someone ever hit me with a spoon would
soon need a craniofacial surgeon!