Cripes, Suzette!

Hurry February

I find January quite depressing. All the possibilities stretched out before me - it's too much of a burden and it makes me feel like I can't possibly make the best use of it all so why try? 2007 was a bad year. I haven't ever said that before - that I was especially glad to see a time in my life behind me, but wow. Just ... wow.

And now all this Iowa caucus stuff. The downers insist on saying that HRC might be taken out. Please don't let it happen! Every day brings a new reason to love her.  Zigzagging on the tarmac! Dodging snipers! Keeping company with baggy-pants funnyman Sinbad! Please don't let her light fade - we haven't even had time to analyze the messages she sends out via her hair dos.

photo from Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog

Full disclosure: I have a photo of myself that looks just like the centerpiece of that poster. All big smiles and confident demeanor to draw attention away from the killer black roots. I feel you, Hilly. My sister!  (Note to self: Start wearing flag pin on lapel. Also, buy something with lapels.)

Anyhoo, my horoscope says 2008 is an "8" year for me in which I am ruled by Saturn. Power and accomplishment!  The stars advise me to  take action, plan ahead, seize opportunities. I just don't have the heart for taking action but I can certainly proclaim that HRC is my proxy. There will be seizures aplenty if she hangs in long enough to become her party candidate for president. In fact, Sami is having a seizure about it right now.

For myself, I'm going to take action against that irksome extra "r" in February. The revolution starts tomorrow.

I Sincerely Hope This Isn't True

If you believe the mainstream media, it's the end of the Clinton era. Say it isn't so! Between HRC's mess of a campaign team, missteps in the Obama attack strategy and Ole Bill's bizarre performances to promote (suspicious!) Hillary, it all points to the a rapid waning of HRC's star. Boy, I hope not - Obama's suits are not nearly as fascinating as Hillary's ensembles, and he seems to have the same hairdo all the time. Where is the fun in that? Although he does seem to have grown a few more teeth recently, so maybe he does have some potential for ongoing scrutiny.

Now look at the photo that Drudge has up this morning. This can't be right, can it? I confess that one of the pleasures of a HRC presidency would be watching her face deteriorate (unless her yet-to-be-revealed healthcare plan involves unlimited cosmetic surgery for all), but this has to be photoshopped, don't you think? Her 88 year old mother looks better than that.

Last week, the Rodham-Clinton ladies came together in Iowa to stir the primary cauldron. Considering the multiple cosmetic procedures done to make Chelsea presentable, Hillary's own facelift and Mama's little nip and tuck (to say nothing of the wiglet), we're looking at easily $150 K on stage there. This is how she should sell herself: The Cosmetic Surgery Candidate. That would get the women's vote hand's down and also the Hollywood has-been endorsement. Wait a minute ...

Love the Scavullo-like portrait lighting there. That's the technique Joan Rivers uses for her QVC appearances, and I've seen Judge Judy go for the same method to enhance her appearance. Oh, Hillary - so much to look at, so much to observe - please don't go away! Bless the Des Moines Register's endorsement yesterday. That should keep her around a while longer, even though the Register hasn't backed a winner since 1980.

By the way, the Des Moines Register building is aging very gracefully. It's in the heart of downtown- a Des Moines tall building. That's what they call it, a "tall building" - they know better than to say skyscraper -and has a lovely swooping canopy that wraps around the corners. Its got a very 30's vibe to it and is quite lovely.

    This is what I've been saying every time I travel there - Des Moines is cool.

Note: I would love to hear the details of the Clinton Healthcare Plan, but I suppose its going to remain vague and  unspecific, just like the last time she got her mitts on it, until the whole thing was thrown at us like a stinkbomb.

This Is Going Too Far Even For a Mess Like Hillary

Does anybody else think that yesterday's stunt with the human bomb at HRC's NH hedquarters was a plant by the Clinton campaign? Too harsh? Let's look at what we know:

1. He called CNN fer cryin' out loud. Ok-aaaay. Would that be the same CNN that put the planted Clinton campaign workers on air at the Republican debate? Also, gave air time to planted questioners with Clinton connections at the Democratic debate? Uh-huh.

2. He wanted to talk to HRC about lack of health care. Not too coincidental, is it? If that's not a talking point straight from the HRC playbook, I don't know what is.

Listen, nothing is coincidental when it comes to the Clintons.  Poor old Hil was under fire for not being available to the press and now she's holding press conferences at the end of the day. It puts her out there, giving answers to unasked questions, still evading any real pointed questions about her conflicting answers and poor performance in the polls.

The only good part about all of this is that she will be all over the news today with a whole new array of pantsuits and devices to conceal her turkey neck. Look at this shot from the NYT: understated earrings and flat hair to project the serious Hillary, no makeup because this is not the time for feminine frills!,  neck-hugging  winter scarf to pander to the NH outerwear crowd, shot from a low angle as if  to bestow some heavenly aspect and cement the whole Heroic Hil thing. Very tightly scripted indeed.

Everything about this smells. Let's see now if the sad sack who strapped the traffic flares to himself suddenly turns up in the Bahamas with Hillary in 2008! stickers all over his luggage and a bank deposit slip tucked into his passport.

Scattershot: The Uninspired, Unrelated And Yet Unrelenting March of Idiotic Blog Topics.

First. I would say that the inane stupidity of Nanblomo has stricken me except for two things:

1. I would never be so lame as to think that was a good idea, let alone participate in such a thing. Isn't there enough dreck around the way it is without asking for it from the great unwashed mass of bloggers who can't think of things to write about under their normal schedule of posting frequency.
2.Since I haven't had a good idea to write about since 2002, my whole interaction with the internet is dreck. Dreck and online shopping.

I'm my own unwashed mass.

Second. Even less interesting than forced blog posts about boring nothing is talking about referrer logs. I've never done it and the only reason for it now is that I feel it is my duty to alert you that something is up with the whole Huma Abedin thing. Eyes open, Hillary watchers.
 

Third. And now for the photographic portion of our little show here. This is our front lawn which is made entirely of green velvet, thanks to the tireless devotion of Mr. Sami.

You'd have to understand our suburban history of perpetual crabgrass, brown weeds and bare dirt to realize how remarkable this is. This is the first time we can hold our heads up in the neighborhood. My only regret is that our most critical neighbors moved away last year. If only they could see this.

I  post this here now because this is the time of year that Sami takes out his gas blower, makes big piles of fallen leaves and then takes a rest for about 2 weeks, which is just enough time to kill the grass underneath. Look at the green velvet while you can.

Bonus feature for fans of outdoor art installations: in the area where shrubbery should be, we have a striking pairing of plastic hose reel and  the long handle of shovel at the angle of repose. We call it I'm Done for The Day. The installation is entering its 3th month at this location.

Hillary: The Bag

Rumors continue to swirl about Hillary's sexual preferences. The latest and most specific involves her closest aide and "body person", Huma Abedin. This story is a few weeks old and frankly, it didn't interest me at all because its the same tired speculation about old Hill being a devout and practicing bi-sexual, because there could be only one reason women would spend a lot of time together, right?  But once again, the male dominated Hillary-watchers have failed to determine the true goings on inside the Hillary campaign. And it's so obvious!

Unbeknownst to my reading public, I have been scouring the media outlets, syndicate photographs and video clips of Hillary's appearances to see when and where she carries a handbag. Handbags, you know, are  a particular area of interest for me and I think that close observation can help to identify a theme to the type of bag she prefers or a pattern to where she uses them, and then we will be able to draw some evidence-based conclusions about who she really is. Consider it to be a counterpart to psychological clues imparted by body language - accessory language! Think what we could deduce from her choice of a banana bag over a clutch, and Heaven help us if she ever turns up with a sling.

But it was not to be. My search for a Hillary Handbag sighting was fruitless. And then this week, the mystery was ended. Both of the issues were at at once cleared up and you were there to witness to it. Observe:

Did you see it or were you too busy writing your own jokes about American flags throwing themselves to the ground in HRC's presence?  Watch again as Huma herself enters the frame from the left carrying the mother of all handbags, the Marc Jacobs STAM bag. Work that satchel, honey. And she is too - you can judge the heft of it by how she's got enough stuff in there for herself and Hillary with room to spare for one or two small dogs, a SATCOM radio and the nuclear launch codes. See how her left arm is all but immobilized because of the steady bicep flexing necessary to keep that thing up? And see how she overcompensates for a shifted center of gravity by leaning  to the right side? I estimate that bag to clock in at about 14 to 16 pounds, which might not sound like much until you have to cart it around in the crook of your elbow for more than 15 minutes. Hillary's stuff is definitely in there.

No wonder she's always by Hillary's side. It's not a love connection at all - she's the pocketbook holder. The male pundits didn't figure that out because they do not have necessary heightened level of handbag awareness. If they did, the sex scandal rumors would never have bubbled up to the surface in the first place. If HRC becomes the Democratic nominee and then wins the presidential election, it's Huma that will be toting around the nuclear football. She's already got that chain thing ready to attach the bag to herself and has demonstrated that she can be cool and collected during an unexpected event - she never compromises her bag-holding posture or drops that left forearm to put the bag at risk of slipping away.

Now you know.

Hillary Watch

Big but unsurprising news news this week about HRC putting the squeeze on GQ and withholding access to BJ Clinton unless an unflattering article about infighting among her campaign team gets squashed. Well, who needed a magazine article to know that there's infighting?  Just look at the evidence:

The Hillary we got then:

The Hillary we get now:

The top photo was from only a few weeks ago when we were treated to Happy "Pleased Ta Meetcha"   Hillary. The package was bright plumage, oversized bead and earring sets and not just boob crack, but a peep at the actual boob itself. The lower picture is from last night's debate where we see that the image now is Battle Weary "I Need Some Healthcare Myself" Hillary. See how she's gesturing for just a leetle pep pill? Just this one time?

Obviously, the  the Chunky Jewelery vote has already been secured and the target is now the Monet and Trifari crowd. Either that or there's a huge battle taking place between her stylists. Yes, they agree on the hip-covering jackets and the plain black pants, but what is going on in the upper sector? An unflattering color, dull jewelry so small as to be almost invisible, tweeeed fabric that blends into the background and Heaven help us, but is that a mullet?

It's a sad thing - here I had my hopes up for a brilliant political season filled with girly flair. I hope last evening was an isolated incident and that we will soon see the flinging off of the camisole insert and the return of those alluring baubles and bangles.

Other People

This is what other people are doing this weekend while I am at home spraying for ants in the kitchen:

1. In Wilkes Barre, old Mr. Peanut met up with new Mr. Peanut at the unveiling of  a historical marker that marked his birthplace. You remembered that, didn't you? I have no idea where they might have put a plaque because there is even less of the building left than when I took these pictures a year ago. News delivered courtesy off Mr. I Remember Everything, who helped me visualize my own long-lost plastic Mr. Peanut whistle, given to my by the actual Mr. Peanut himself (the old one) as he strolled around Public Square passing out little bags of hot peanuts for free.

2. In San Diego, my son went to the Red Bull Air race. Who even knew there was such a thing? I didn't quite get it when he was describing it to me or when he said that the planes were 100 feet right over his head. The thing that impressed him the most was a close up view of contrails forming at the wing tips of those little super-souped up propeller planes from the high speeds. Now that I've looked at a few YouTubes about it, I have to say that sure beats sitting on the deck waiting for an Airbus A320 to come into view. Also, a barrel-rolling, back-flipping helicopter warmed up the crowd for the main event.

3. Back to Wilkes-Barre, where Mr. Sami has dragooned our daughter, the only physically  fit family member in this time zone,  into service to help him install carpeting in the old house. It's the last task left to be done there and then the re-hab will be complete.

4. Hillary Clinton is making the rounds of the Sunday talk shows this week. I have to say that her tactic of wearing matching earrings and necklaces of a flashy nature is working on me and I might take her seriously if she promises to continue doing so when she is in office. She'll really do what she promises, right? Better to buy that one than the feculence that is her universal health care plan. She is on Meet the Press right now and appears to have a herpes outbreak, unless that is her mustache. No wonder she's taken to the Wilma Flintstone jewelry to draw attention away from that - universal electrolysis for every American.

Chelsea Clinton Does Not Speak

The NYT did their best to profile C.C. without an actual interview or comments on the record from those who know her. And only one reference to her looks, a quick  "jokes about her looks" before launching  a pick list of somewhat contradictory factoids that has something for everyone ...

her role on her parents' campaign trail is to clap and beam
her fundraising efforts produced $20 million

her lifelong role is model daughter
she has a permanent place on the NY party circuit

she has a publicist
her publicist's job is to keep publicity away

... and so on. After all the details of her hard working nature, her career moves, her concern about 9/11 (!)  and speculation about her own political ambition, we are informed that she is a is "a Christmas-cookie-baking, churchgoing Methodist" and might possibly be waiting to turn her "cuddly and affectionate relationship" into a White House wedding.

Two noteworthy statements shine the light on the family dynamic:  "Those familiar with the Clintons envision her as a strategic resource "and the remarkable "Ms. Clinton was present when her father and his advisers debated how to acknowledge his affair with Ms. Lewinsky to the nation".

And then, this wonderful sentence:   "Most of the women her age wore bright gowns and bare skin, but Ms. Clinton wore a dark pantsuit, her hair smoothed and fastened into a strawberry-blond sheet."  In one masterful stoke, we are delivered the image of the serious C.C. as a mini-HRC.

How does one fasten hair into a sheet?

... And Hillary Was There, Too.

It was a tough day in the dentist's chair but in the end, I came away with a newly restored tooth. The man is an artist. The part I like the best is when he asks me to bite-bite-bite and he leans in and cocks his head to the side to listen. Then he takes to the tools again for a miniscule adjustment and then we do the bite-bite-bite/listen thing again. I topped off the day with a little shopping and a little dinner out.

Imagine how thrilled I was to pull into the Sunny Palace on Rt 18 and see a Chinatown bus in the parking lot. Truth be told, I kind of miss dodging the old beasts ever since I stopped my commute on the turnpikes. So I was happy to see it and even happier to see that it was true to type with its mysterious black-out windows and its missing chunk gone from the wheel cover.

The lot was packed and I was circling round and round the lot, considering the handicapped spaces when I noticed three policemen staring at me. Couldn't figure out why  - they take their handicapped spaces seriously in East Brunswick, I guess. When we went inside, the tables were all empty but the host asked us to wait for 10 minutes. Then we saw the sign hanging on the fish tank: ASIAN AMERICANS & PACIFIC ISLANDERS FOR HILLARY.

I turned around, and there she was not 4 feet away:

She walked past and spent only 5 to 7 minutes speaking before she left the building. The crowd in the banquet room was impeccably dressed, teenage girls were flitting about carrying violins and other stringed instruments, many young people were left standing there holding the bouquets they came in with. Other observations:

• she's quite short and not at all fat-bottomed.
• her hair was perfect.
• her face lift seems to be holding up quite well.
• she was manipulatively dressed in a red top with a mandarin collar.
• the people in her entourage, with the exception of one man, was average age 25.
• there were no discernible odors about her.
• she has excellent posture and a confident stride.
• her feet are enormous.
• the applause was restrained.

Then it was all over with and the Chinatown bus pulled away.

(This is not the first time I've been within the magnetic pull  of a real live Democratic candidate. I also clasped the hand of Edmund Muskie on Public Square in Wilkes Barre PA. And JFK's motorcade drove past me when he was campaigning for president. All I remember is that I was on my bike at the end of the street and  a bunch of people [like, the whole town] lined up along the roadside and some black Cadillac convertibles drove past, which was excitement enough let alone who was in them. I'm like a groupie already.)