Here are my physical issues:
Those were aliments but I also have issues. First, i used to have excessive ear wax in one ear and now suddenly I don't. I don't miss it but I am somewhat alarmed at the sudden change.
Now this is the thing: I cannot for the life of me cut my left master toenail at the correct angle. I like, as you all know, a neat straight cut across the toenails, and no matter how carefully plan it, the left master toenail always ends up cut at an angle.It LOOKS straight until I stand up and then boom, it's slopes off at a 25 degree angle. You have to admit that's pretty extreme. I have deduced that it's due to the way I hold my toe when I'm clipping but I can't seem to correct it.
Also, and note this well my friends - it takes some kind of serious scrubbing to get the remnants of Vick's Vaporub off of you once you're done with it.
it might be just that I'm sick and feverish, but Huffington Post is my go-to place for a good laugh.
Although the caption for this photo should really be "Suri Cruise Doesn't Have a Hairbrush"
2. Mackenzie Phillips' brother reacts to the news that she will drop a bombshell of family secrets on Oprah today:
"My family is and always will be a decrepit bowl of dog urine compared to Nityananda of Ganeshpuri. That is how great Nityananda is." The Indian yogi died in 1961. "Wor ship Nityananda, not the Phillips family. Nityananda can protect you," said Tamerlane.
Who wants to see a decrepit bowl of dog urine dropped on Oprah instead?
3. From our department of We're Just Gonna Keep Doing This Until We Get It Right:
After last month's failed attempt at recreating past presidential scenes - that ill-advised scene of a young girl stretched out on the Oval Office carpeting that turned out to be more reminiscent of Clinton/Lewinsky than JFK/John John, Barry tries it again by joyfully hefting up Sanchez upon his arrival home from a talk show media blitz.
Really, this kid is about is about 4 years past her freshness date for "cute" and she's what?- 120 standing still? How much force do you think she worked up running towards dear old dad? Love that grimace on the doting father as he braces for the impact. Hernia city!
I like to record older movies on TCM and watch them with my daughter. This is good for her because it gives me a chance to explain what the big hullabaloo was about back in the day over a movie star, a time in history or a specific topic. This is also bad for her because it's not her idea of a good time and she would be perfectly happy if I just left this part of our relationship alone. I like to think that I'm broadening her in a way that won't happen through any other avenue of exposure and she knows I like to do it. So she tolerates me.I only saw the movie once and in all the years since 1973 til now, I never had the urge to see it again. I remember it as a mediocre chick flick and my main takeaways were:
Now that I saw it again, it is clear to me that Robert Redford is a real shortie and probably needed a box to stand on so that he wasn't standing in the shadow of her giant hairdo.Their direct dialog scenes "together" are filmed with the camera look at either one or the other of them - Robert directs his eyes downward; Barbra directs her eyes downward to give the impression that he is taller than she is. The TCM bumper around this movie revealed that Barbra's part was written specifically for her. That explains a lot. Everything about the contemporary Barbra is right there. She has not changed a whit.
The two big things that my daughter picked up were:
She left halfway through and even though I called her back to see the big ending, she remained unimpressed. For my part, it struck me that RR was a pretty good actor. I never paid much attention to his work beyond his pretty freckled face but really he wasn't half bad. Especially comapred to Barbra One Note, who plays the same character as in Funny Girl and Yentl - the highly-principled outsider who forces her way against the societal grain into someplace she has a hankering to be.
I see that 2001: A Space Oddessy is coming up this week. As we were cruising through the channel guide, I was just about to hit the record button when my daughter reminded me that we had already seen it together. "We did? What did you think of it?" I asked her. "I don't know," she said, "you were talking thorough the whole thing."
I think that was a dig.
World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ and Big Expert on Health Care Michelle Obama has taken to the stump to promote health care reform as a woman's issue. As with everything else she does, her actions speak louder than her words. Here she is demonstrating her personal health care routine to a group of young schoolgirls.
September 19, 2009 in World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ | Permalink | Comments (5)
One of the main things I like about my Blackberry is that I can use music clips as ringtones. The one I selected for incoming calls is Rick James' Superfreak. It's very energizing and puts me in the right mood to interact with the callers. Now some dopey bank commercial is playing nonstop on TV using the song and I just don't feel that I can continue listening to it as my ring tone.
As if that wasn't bad enough, listen to this: I have dedicated ringtones for most of my frequent callers and the one I use for the person who calls most often and usually with some urgent end-of-the-world information is Midnight Oil's Beds Are Burning, not for the political message but for the "better jump up and start running" image that it calls up for me to imagine my mattress is aflame.
But now look - Celebs to Sing Song to Stop Global Warming
"British rock group Duran Duran and heavy metal band Scorpions are among 55 world celebrities who have joined in recording a song to draw attention to the global warming crisis, organisers said on Monday. The song is part of a mass media campaign on the threats of climate change organised by the Geneva-based Global Humanitarian Forum, headed by former UN secretary general Kofi Annan. The song [is] entitled "Beds'r Burning", which was originally recorded by the Australian group Midnight Oil in the 1980s,"
Can't they just leave me alone? As you know, I'm not copier. Furthermore, when people copy me, I move on. I wasn't done with Beds Are Burning just yet, but now I'm going to have to drop it. I'm thinking of replacing it with a clip from the clean version of Hollaback Girl :Let me hear you say, this shhh is bananas
Question: How long until some baby food company uses this for commercial purposes and ruins it for me?
3. Dog Part 2
If I were in charge of diner sandwiches, this is how I would construct a Ruben:
The above information is instructional in nature. Take it or leave it, as you like. I'm only saying what I would do if I was the boss of sandwiches. The following information is a warning of a dire nature.
The American sandwich culture is under attack. No, not attack - it's more subversive that that. You sheep! You unaware fools! Do you not see that your open-armed embrace of paninis is killing off the free pickle and cole slaw that everyone has come to expect as their due when ordering a sandwich?
Go ahead - google up some images of paninis. What do you see on the plates there? Carrot sticks, black olives, arugula. And you'd be lucky to get that. Oh, sure, if you look hard enough, you might come across a few panini makers with the decency to include that occasional pickle but I assure you that they are a dying breed.
You might think that I'm being overly cautious about calling that blue thing a thing instead of what might turn out to be a napkin, but you are reading the words of someone who once bit into a sugar-covered plastic bell from a wedding cake. Ever since then, I don't take anything for granted.
It's in your hands now, readers. Order your paninis - I can't shovel against the eroding tide. Go ahead but at least ask for a free pickle and cole slaw even if you don't eat it so you don't ruin it for the rest of us.
This is an update to the post about searching for a martini glass that suits my personality better than a plain long stemmed V.
Alert the media - a decision has been made and a purchase completed. I'm going to show it to you, but I want you to take a deep breath - maybe get up and walk away for a bit - before you pass judgment. Because it's ... sort of non-traditional.Also, there was only one available so I didn't have the opportunity to buy multiple multiples, which I totally would have even though I only needed one.
Let me describe it to you first:
I couldn't help it - it was just like when MIchael Corleone was hit with the thunderbolt when he saw Appolonia. He just knew it was right. And that's how it was with me and the glass. And it does have the most important characteristics that I was after:
Can you picture it?
Ok. Here it is:
Isn't it swell?
It's an Indiana Glass Kings Clear Crown Blue Flash Sherbet Dish, a rare color, so I'm told. Looks like a good match for a bottle of Bombay Sapphire, doesn't it? The size is 3 1/8" tall x 3 5/8" wide. The eBay auction didn't list the volume, but I'm guessing from the dimensions and the bowl-to-base ratio that it's 5-ish ounces.It was love at first sight.
"Stanley Ann Dunham: A Most Generous Spirit" would go into production next year, with an expected 2011 release, executive producer Mary Aloe says. It's unknown yet whether it would air on television or appear in theaters.
History was made last night.
World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama became the first first lady in history to curse on television.
No - couldn't be! A classy dame like her? No way. Let's ask Michelle Obama's Chin:
Today's Question: You said what?
Michelle Obama's Chin replies:
Even Hillary knew better than that.
September 10, 2009 in Ask Michelle Obama's Chin, World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ | Permalink | Comments (4)
Highly recommended: Videogum is doing recaps of Thirtysomething, recently released on DVD.
I guess you had to be there to understand what makes this funny. It was show about affluent yuppie baby boomers in their 30s with a big house on the Main Line who had problems. Problems like they have a baby so now they can't go camping, they can't find a good baby sitter, etc.
It was a boring show then but now its an absolute treasury of pretentiousness. I think people watched it because the theme song was pretty good for its time and then they just didn't get up and change the channel. Maybe they were waiting for the song to play again.
I think you get the picture here. Four couples, each with their own hang-ups around career, ethics, marriage, obsessive pondering of their own navels. It's like Friends but with separate houses and introspection.
Without question, the most touching moment in last night's address was when the leader of the free (ride) world quoted a touching letter from deceased lion, Ted Kennedy:
Take one part maternity top, one part big top circus tent and add pleats, pleats, pleats. And don't forget the bow!
World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama, shows America her particular brand of personal style by accentuating her least flattering body parts: her awesome abdomen, her badonkulous butt and her thunder thighs.
Can I ask again who is dressing this woman? Granted, she's been packing on the pounds over the course of the summer but surely there was something just a bit more flattering hanging in the closet.
UPDATE: You know, I follow a lot of MOO fanblogs-they have the best pictures. Predictably, they stay true to form and are very complimentary to this ensemble. Keep this picture in mind as I repeat parts of comments made at one of them:
September 10, 2009 in BEE yo, Dead Kennedys, World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ | Permalink | Comments (12)
Tags: michelle obama is fat
... doctors are going to be unnecessarily removing body parts again.
Let's see - he already used the image of defenseless children surrendering their tonsils. And then he called up the ghost of his poor mother with the cancer of the lady parts. The old Grandma and her end-of-life broken hip story has been used up like an old tissue so that leaves you, fellas.
What part unnecessarily sliced off of you by the greedy doctors would bring forth an emotional reaction when the president says it tonight? Hmmm?
Try to start bracing yourselves for it now. You know it's coming.
You would have to know the history of this space to appreciate these photos. We pulled out 20+ year old landscaping twice from this space (once from the previous owners; once from our own efforts). This one bed has been empty for about 4 years. Even Bing maps shows it as barren, except for a hose reel and some concrete stepping stones.
Oh, but baby look at me now:
This is an awkward collage shot from the bedroom window. It is the culmination of my 4 year long planning that had to go on hold because (1) Sami didn't follow my directions for the shape of the bed so I had to pout about it, (2) he installed a sprinkler system that would have to be dug up in part in order to reshape the bed and (3) my knees gave out and I couldn't dig to plant anything myself.
Finally, all the elements came together over the weekend and I was able to make my vision come true via the efforts of unwilling others. Look at it from another angle where i can explain the whole thing to you:
I forgot to explain that the fabulous chicken statue is now illuminated by a solar powered rock light, which adds that extra something to the whole layout. The dwarves and pygmies will grow tall enough to obscure the foundation and the hose reel, the chicken will be surrounded by a solid wall of tiny dark green leaves and the whole thing is anchored by taller specimens at the end.
The block platform under the hose reel needs work - it's only there at all in it's unlovely state because my labor force slipped it in after I left the scene.
Remember how optimistic I was back at the end of April when I was going around planting seeds and building contraptions for my morning glories to cover with rich foliage and brilliant blue blossoms?
They just didn't do too well this year. They suffered from a dearth of sunshine and a plethora of rain. I tired to kid myself along, but as the leaves turned yellow and the flowers stopped blooming, I knew that this was a fail for this year. Then whole vines started turning brown - leaves and buds - and I knew the jig was up.
During my regular Saturday morning flower maintainance rounds, I decided to put the thing out of its misery. I cut down the vertical part of the vines and strings and reached up to pull down what ever else I could. A good part of the horizontal structure remained waiting for a sweet young thing to come along with a ladder to take it down.
That was 3 days ago. Look at it today:
Welcome back, my dear commenters. Life was bleak without you.
Here we are at Day 5 of The Troubles. My mailbox continues to be flooded with pr0n spam comments which mercifully do not appear here. Genuine comments appear again - turns out I had entered a blank space into the Comment Blocking feature and that caused all comments to be blocked. Ok, but it took them three days to investigate and find that cause? It can't be all that uncommon you would think some helper at the helpdesk would have been able to figure that out sooner, if indeed anyone had bothered to actually investigate. And now we have a new development - when I hit reply to a comment in my email notification, the comment posts here on the blog instead of going to the commenter.
Typepad is getting on my nerves. The last communication I received from them was " Thanks for the note. We're still working on this issue but hope to have it corrected soon after the holiday." which I'm pretty sure is going to translate as a rebate on my monthly hosting fee since they cannot provide necessary service on a holiday weekend.
Let's say that you were me. That would mean that you:
Then let's say that you were all worked up over the stupid and awkward giant V-shaped 11 oz. martini glasses that pollute the landscape everywhere you go. You couldn't control that, but you sure could do something the barware that you bring into your own home.
This has been my progression, friends:
Lovely to look at, delightfully whimsical but the curse of the big-boobed woman is that you have to sit straight up like you were wearing a back brace, otherwise the base bumps into your boobage and you can't get your lips to the rim of the glass without dumping it all over yourself.
nice basic set on sale at Bed Bath and Beyond. for a ridiculous $11.99. Came with a Boston-style shaker that you could never get the hang of. Fail! Also, not good because of the slow realization that your drink was warm by the time you got to the bottom of it.
Mr.Sami, always on the hunt for a bargain no matter what it is, spotted this set on top of the freezer section in the supermarket. 4 glasses and small metal shaker for - get this: $4.00. The glasses are smaller, shorter made of thinner glass - all satisfactory. The shaker top goes over the bottom instead of tucking into the bottom and I have never yet made a drink in it that didn't blow up on me. I need to be served by either of two somewhat recalcitrant family members who seem to be able to manage it.
So now I'm thinking that the next logical steps is some saucer-shaped, small bowl cocktail glasses. You take your average B&W movie from the 40's and you don't see any V-shaped monstrosities there. No you see 4 0z glasses in a bell or saucer shape. In fact, in my obsessive internet reading of all things Mad Men, I came across an interview with one of the set designers who said that the three-martini business lunch was absolutely accurate, but the martinis were much, much smaller then. Three sips and you were ready for a refill. Compare that to today's standard 11 oz of gin or vodka per pop. No one could do business after three of those.
So that takes us directly to eBay. Now, assuming that you are still me, which of the following selections shall we bid on?:
Nice! Shortish stems, simple design. thin and elegant bowls. Famous vintage glassware pattern called "Candlewick". 5" tall; 4" across flared bowl. Starting bid $14.99 for 4.
Another well-known name in vintage glassware. Fancy, bordering on ornate. Well, all the way to ornate I guess. Product of Ohio. 5 1/2" tall; 3 1/4" across bowl. Starting bid $9.99 for 4.
Superbonus points for shortness! The 2 glass sets above were fine crystal, this one is thick glass. Common and cheap. You can usually find sets of 8 or 12 for 3 bucks on eBay. I love this stuff and I can totally see myself sipping daintily from these. Disclosure: My family had six 5 oz footed juice glasses like these that we used once a year to drink wine at Christmas dinner. Let's all cry now. 4" tall; 5 oz. High starting bid of $6.99 for 6.
Elegant, fancy and fine. Unnamed pattern, they have the highly desirable shortness. Starting bid $16.00
Drool! Short, tissue thin crystal and so clean and simple it just about breaks your heart. 3" tall; holds 6 oz, 2 for $29.00
Yes, they're V-shaped, BUT they're short and they have translucent glass olives in the stems. 6 oz. $25.00 for 4
So, now that we're saying that you're me, which of these should we get?
Bonus history lesson: Another reason to repudiate Jimmy Carter:
Some specifically ascribe the demise of the three-martini lunch to Jimmy Carter, who condemned the practice during the 1976 presidential campaign. Carter portrayed it as part of the unfairness in the nation's tax laws, claiming that the working class was subsidizing the "$50 martini lunch." ... His opponent, incumbent President Gerald R Ford, responded with: "The three-martini lunch is the epitome of American efficiency. Where else can you get an earful, a bellyful and a snootful at the same time?"
Pr0n spammers - who needs 'em. right? They've been showing up in clusters in my mailbox about every 4 hours or so. The Typepad people are doing a great job of trapping them and preventing them from showing up on the blog here. Too bad that all of your legitimate comments are not showing up either. I can see some of them in the mailbox and I've heard from others of you wondering what happened to the remarks you've made.
Maybe when it's all over, your comments will show up. Who knows? Even the old Soup is affected. It's a sadness but there's nothing to be done except wait it out.
Your faithful reporter is tired, very tired. AND my hand is all screwed up from clutching the mouse for 14 hours a day. This work business is really very burdensome. Some days, I don't even get outside at all. Last night, at about 7pm , I made it a point to go outside on the deck to enjoy what was left of the evening.
actual backyard of Suzette
Remind me to go outside as much as possible until the weather turns. I'm not one much for direct sunlight in the middle of the day but I do like a good twilight. The impending change of seasons makes enjoying the sunsets at this time of year all the more precious and I made appointments for myself to see as many as possible. If that doesn't work, I'm going to activate a pop-up reminder in my Outlook calendar. What is technology for, if not to serve us?
I would just like to point out that the world has not seen (buffalo) hide nor (wart) hair of World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama since she clonked her noggin on that airplane door earlier in the week.
Please leave other theories in the comments.
Let's watch the clonk again:
September 03, 2009 in World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ | Permalink | Comments (11)
Oh Huffpo - you never fail to disappoint. Here's today's featured blog post from the Huffington Post collection: well-know health care expert Peter Yarrow.
Peter Yarrow's credentials:
Never in all my 8 1/2 years of blogging have I mentioned search requests that bring readers to my site but today is the day. I'm proud to tell you that this little post of mine is the number one result out of a billion and a half possibilities for the request "what would a world without ted kennedy be like?"
I hope they enjoyed themselves when they arrived here.
Look, if the Dems can keep Teddy's memory alive with constant references, I don't think I should have to stop blogging about him just because he's finally dead. I have come across something so upsetting that I must share it with you. Look at these two photos:
Ted's marriage to Joan Bennett was a big church affair with a ceremony performed by Francis Cardinal Spellman and a formal reception attended by hundreds of guests. His marriage to Victoria Reggie was a radically smaller civil ceremony at his home in McLean VA.
AND YET BOTH WEDDINGS HAD ESSENTIALLY THE SAME CAKE.
If you are not disturbed by this, then I suggest that you think about it a little more. Both photos have exposure problems so allow me to lay it out for you: those cakes are both adorned with yellow flowers, lack a proper cake topper, have white icing embellishments all over the sides and tops, and are 3 tiers tall.
Big wedding extravaganza = 3 tier cake. Small wedding = 3 tier cake. Does that seem right to you? This reveals something very bad about the groom but I don't quite have it all worked out yet. If I was the type of person who drew conclusions from public photographs of people I have never met, I'd have it all ready now but all I'm going to say right now is DOES THIS SEEM RIGHT TO YOU?
I find it highly suspicious.
There's a lot of speculation right now about who will fill Ted Kennedy's Senate seat until the special election in January '10. Most of the money rides on the WEED-oh. Someone from another country answered me just that way when I asked about marital status. It has never left me. Is it not so much more musical than WID-oh?
I'm not so sure. I think there are several women who would be equally suitable. Take, for instance, the following list:
World Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom™ Michelle Obama. She is certainly capable of filling Ted's shoes. In fact, she might even surpass the mark that Ted made - on the Brannock Device. She's actually not a bad pick for this. She's already familiar with where Boston and Martha's Vineyard are - what else is Massachusetts is she likely to be interested in anyway? No one would dare get in front of that purposeful stride of hers to stop her and - bonus!- she's already girlfriends with Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of the other US Senator from MA. Think of the soireés they could have together- with Teresa's money and Teresa's taste and MO's ... uh, ...well, whatever. Soireés. Or maybe Big Mo and Big JFK-no-the-other-one could do a Tour of the Giants, going around the state making some kind of half-hearted food-policy statement by harvesting some organic cranberries or perhaps a public beheading of an organic turkey for Thanksgiving. Teresa and Barry could stay home and bond by reminiscing about the good old days when they lived in Africa. The more I think about it, the better this idea sounds. She'd be a shoe-in. (Har!)
Natasha Fatale. Uh-oh. Does anybody else smell BATTLE OF THE WINE-BOTTLE SHAPED WOMEN WITH PURPLE DRESSES AND BARE ARMS? This bold section carries some risk of a big Mo backlash but would be worth it because of her obvious connections to the Russians. Back in the 80s, American hero Ted Kennedy was pretty busy conspiring with our Cold War enemy, the Soviet Union, against the interests of the United States government. What a guy, huh? In the end, the Ruskies didn't go for it, but dollink with an insider like Natasha, Ted Kennedy's life work of treason could be carried on.
Aunt Zeituni. Talk about your Boston insider! Here we have a little old lady, emigrating (more or less) from a poverty-stricken country, doesn't know anybody or how anything works when she lands here and in a very short time has managed to redirect good deal of American tax dollars for her benefit, complete with subsidized housing, a hip replacement and lottery tickets. This is one smart cookie - if she managed all that on her own flying under the radar of the law, imagine what she could accomplish with the state of Massachusetts behind her. Look at that picture taken as she emerged from the courtroom after her successful deportation challenge - she instinctively turned herself into a Kennedy-esque red head without even knowing there'd be some kind of Irish-related opportunity in her future. You can't learn that - you have to be born with that kind of intuition. Of course, her obvious familial connections don't hurt, either.
Chelsea Clinton. Oh, wise and all knowing Interent - please let this one be true! It's too delicious. Have you heard about all the hubub going on right now for what is rumored to be Chelsea Clinton's imminent wedding? Guess where? CHAPPAQUIDDICK. Burn! Would this not be the icing on the big fat Kennedy fail cake if the whole of the MSM was forced to report a triumph of the Clintons at a location that they could not help but tie to Teddy's cowardly actions and subsequent cover-up in 1969? Maybe not the best choice among the herd here, but she's be a fairly good pick. She's got the Let's Ruin American Healthcare gene from her mom, her dad's philandering gene while dormant in her must be able to signal somehow to the people of Massachusetts who seem to admire that so much, and when the time comes to vote on the healthcare bill, she could probably activate the YES button with that expression alone.
September 01, 2009 in Dead Kennedys, Son of Cankles, World-Famous Fashion Icon and Busy Mom Michelle Obama™ | Permalink | Comments (1)
Tags: Chappaquiddick, Chelsea Clinton Wedding, Senate Replacement for Ted Kennedy