Death visits Senator Kennedy
(image courtesy of The Proprietor)
Despite the finest medical treatment and surgical intervention that money could buy, Ted Kennedy finally died. Long after being diagnosed with terminal cancer, out of the public eye for months, hanging by a thread but still able to write self-serving letters to popes and governors, he was called to the Lord on August 27, 2009. Immediately thereafter, the Lord said "Sorry, wrong number" and handed the phone over to Satan, who already had the roaster fired up.
After a gluttonous and immoral lifetime marked by dishonesty, drunken debauchery, overindulgence and criminal behavior, the well-known poster boy for killing both the unborn and the submerged found himself at the end of life's dock. Nothing if not tenacious, he clung to a life prolonged by all that modern medicine had to offer until Barack Obama was called in to say the special aloha he created for seniors who should not be seeking life-saving treatments because they are going to die anyway.
He is survived by his wife Altovise, his ex-wife Joan, three children, two step-children that noboy ever heard of until Altovise wrote the obiturary, and his beloved Portuguese waterdogs Sunny, Splash and GlubGlubGlub.