I am BEGGING you to watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey. It's not too late to catch up - tonight is Epsiode 2 and you can catch recaps of Ep1 all over the internet or you can watch the full show here.
Now as a student of the RH franchises, I've been thinking about the differences between the show locations and this is how I see it:
- RH of Orange County are dumbbells
- RH of New York are schemers
- RH of Atlanta are posers
- RH of New Jersey are steamrollers
That is not to say that being a steamroller is a bad thing. This is New Jersey! If you don't steamroll, someone else is going to get the good parking spaces.
- Have you ever seen a forehead that started there? She often wears a giant bandanna like Bret the Rock of Love guy and that makes it even better. Microcephaly - look it up.
- She has a husband who is "juicy and delicious". Also, musclebound and inarticulate.
- For three rooms of furniture, she paid $102,000.00 in cash. When she counted it out, she licked her thumb before dealing out the bills. That was the best.
- She used the word "scheeve" (loosely translated as "it gives me the creeps") complete with scrunched up face and hunched shoulder movements when she said it. I am already praying to San Genaro that someone on this show will explain the difference between shangad and moushad before the season ends.
- When her 6 year old had a dance recital, she painted up her face in the style of Baby Jane Hudson.
I'm telling you - this is going to be the best RH ever. The only thing that would make it better is if they were holding tomatoes in the opening shot.