One For the Money, Two for The Show

I didn't want to have to start analyzing President Barry's wardrobe, but I see that none of you are going to do it, are you? Let me begin by addressing the elephant in the room. Why do we never see a pants lump in pictures of the presumptive nominee? You know what I mean - the big baloney. The wonder down under. (Don't worry - I've got a million of 'em, and the campaign season has only just begun.) Even in those photos of him splashing around in the surf in a wet bathing suit, you can't make out anything. And when he had a chance to wear those lycra biking shorts, he chose instead to put on his mom jeans. And I ask you - have you ever seen thicker fleece than those sweatpants he wears to play basketball? The worst of it is that he provokes us to look there.

Now men, I'm sorry if this is a revelation to you but the ladies look at you there all the time.  All the time.  So we're hardly in need of inducement to do so. Yet look at the careful staging as the President of the World appeared before the masses in Germany today. The stance is reminiscent of the Blue Suede Shoes-era Elvis, the end of the tie draws the eye downwards, the pants bag out where the lump should be. And the very buzzwords from the campaign: Hope and Change. Hope and Change. I hope he changes into some slim-cut khakis before I get too old.

Donatella  Versace said his suits are ill-fitted. This issue must be exactly what she's talking about because she designed a line of "stream-lined" menswear inspired by him. You can yammer all you want trying to prove that the MSM is covering up for him, but you won't convince anybody until you show photographic evidence that not once in all the millions of images of Obama is there the slightest bump. If that's not a cover-up, I don't know what is.

But don't worry - I'll be watching.

Comments

[Kate the Great]

"Empty suit" has just taken on a new meaning.

[dogette]

Mom jeans AND a helmet.

What a wimpy dork.

[pops]

"Now men, I'm sorry if this is a revelation to you but the ladies look at you there all the time."

And with that line I must now reconsider all my cherished notions.

[betsy]

You are supposed to be looking at his fingers to determine the size. It was on mythbusters.

[LeeAnn (the babywolfmistress)]

You don't think Michelle actually lets him carry around his own ...um... genitalia, do you?
We know who wears the weiner in that family.

[Jim - PRS]

Somewhere on the web, absolutely recall a photo of Barack ______ Obama on his plane, talking on the phone and displaying his well-aroused package. I cannot find the damned thing (the photo, that is,) and I wonder if there is some skullduggery afoot with Google and Yahoo.

[Susie]

thank goodness you are tracking the important things in life!!! I will sleep better tonight knowing that this is "handled"!!!!

[The Proprietor]

All this argues for the return of the codpiece as an item in men's fashion.

[pam]

As for the mom jeans, I think he remembers John Kerry's inglorious moments in the spotlights in his lycra suit of denial. Can't blame him there.

[Joan of Argghh!]

I read this aloud to the J.R. last night. Now he doesn't know what to wear to work anymore. He's paralyzed with the many humorous choices such an idea gives him. Heh.