A Hillary For Everybody

It's Super Tuesday and our Gal Hill is out to be everything to everybody in a big push to garner as many votes as possible. She is nothing if not adaptive to what the people think they want. Look for these Hillarys®  on display today as she reaches out to all segments of the voting public:

The Law and Order Vote

Not just a tender-hearted woman who has been wronged by a straying husband, Hillary demonstrates the "I'll crush your head" plank of her social reform position.

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The Youth Vote

Hillary courts the college crowd by offering to open beer bottles with her teeth.

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The Grandma Vote

In a show of solidarity with aging Baby Boomers, Hillary displays the giant age spot on her cheek which she has been told makes her seem more "human". This look also appeals to befreckled voters of all ages.

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The Game Show/ Ancestor of Daytime Talk Show Vote

For those who miss Merv Griffin, Hillary promises her own Celebrity Lookalike services

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The No Feces Left Behind Vote

Finally, some specifics about Hillary's health care plan as she gets hands-on to demonstrate how the medical needs of Americans will be addressed after she starves the laxative manufacturers out of business.

And she won't be doing it alone,either. Here distinguished former president William Jefferson Clinton wakes up long enough to practice his main function as First Lad. (Did you think that there would be no payback for that Monica thing?)

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The Fashionista Vote

In a failed attempt to sway international fashion watchers, Hillary is disappointed that no one has recognized her Princess Di look-alike outfit.

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The Mom Vote

More fashion pandering as Hillary goes maternal and appears here with trained monkey daughter Chelsea in co-ordinating Mother/Daughter hijabs. "The future's so bright -  did I get it right, Mommy?"

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The Snarky Caption Writer Vote

[Write your own caption here.]

Joan of Argghh!: The Robin Hood Vote: Unafraid to forcefully take our money from us for the common good.

Dogette: (Evita lyrics, from the song, "Rainbow High"):

I came from the people, they need to adore me. So Christian Dior me,

from my head to my toes

I need to be dazzling. I want to be Rainbow High. They must have excitement,

and so must I

IonaTrailer: The Alimony Vote. On behalf of women who got done wrong, Mrs Clinton shows how to really put the squeeze on them.

Tina: "I did not have sex with Mr. Clinton."

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The Great Unwashed Masses Vote

Hillary tries to generalize her appeal as she takes to the streets of NYC to mingle with her constituents. A wise politician knows how to take precautions and employs her custom made ACD (anti-cootie device).

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The Political Junkie Vote

The JFK finger pose, Barbara Bush's fake pearls, Eleanor Roosevelt's old gabardine suit and Ronald Reagan hairdo add up to a political reference for everyone.

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The Military Vote

As if.

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The Tough Broad Vote

Hillary can throw the stink eye better than any other front runner. This is the moment before the flames  shoot out of her eye sockets. (Secret message for Teddy K - start working on that underground bunker.)

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Equal Opportunity Snark: I would love to work up a little something about Grandpa McCain by referring to him as Grandpa McCoy but people hardly remember the lyrics to Mellow Yellow or what a Pet Rock is these days let alone a reference to a 60s sitcom role for Walter Brennan. Kids these days!

Comments

[Joan of Argghh!]

D-lish! More, please!!

My open caption submission:

The Robin Hood Vote: Unafraid to forcefully take our money from us for the common good.

[ericasherman]

Gods, I about lost it completely at the Merv Griffin vote. You've spoilt me for life.

[dogette]

Open Caption Submission (Evita lyrics, from the song, "Rainbow High"):

I came from the people, they need to adore me
So Christian Dior me, from my head to my toes
I need to be dazzling
I want to be Rainbow High
They must have excitement, and so must I

[pops]

There was Grandpa, Luke and Little Luke, but you're right - they're all water under the bridge now.

Mom pointed out a similar problem with the Audi ad that ran during the Super Bowl - it was a Godfather reference no one under 40 would get. Never mind the fact that the actor in the ad played Moe Green in the original movie. You have to be as equally antiquated as twitterpated to know that one.

[IonaTrailer]

Caption submission - The Alimony Vote. On behalf of women who got done wrong, Mrs Clinton shows how to really put the squeeze on them.

[Tina]

"I did not have sex with Mr. Clinton."

[Tina]

... and that might be one of her truer claims during this campaign.

[joated]

Excellent! The Merv Griffin comparison..LOL!

Your collection/series does show she could be every person imaginable. But I keep getting stuck seeing her as Marx, or worse, Lenin.

[Jim - PRS]

Absolutely brilliant.

[SuperGurl]

Oh my goodness. Every word was a thrill. Thank you for your wit and extra thanks for filing it all in "cankles".

[Freeman]

You make my day!