When I was a child, I had a little record player. It was really just a turntable in a suitcase with one dial and a squawky little speaker, but I loved it and played my records on it for years.The day came that I turned the dial to "ON" and the turn table didn't start spinning around. Sometimes, I could get it going by pushing the turntable around and around while clicking the dial at the same time but the time came that nothing would move it except prayer.
I knelt by the side of the bed, anguished entreaties pouring forth, making bargains and offering up sacrifices and making deals with God. Sometimes I would get to the point of tears. I would promise anything if only I could have what I wanted - another chance to hear the music again. Most of the time it didn't work, but sometimes it did and then I would have to make good by lighting candles, withholding a bitter verbal shot at my sister or whatever it was that I promised. I suspect that Hillary Clinton made a similar deal with the Lord this week.
"Dear God, Please, please, please let me back in the game. I'll do anything to be back on top again. Anything! I'll even wear a jacket WITH PUFFED SLEEVES."
She just lost the women's vote with that one. Am I right, ladies? I think it's been abundantly demonstrated that the fashion industry is influenced by the leading ladies of politics and if puffed sleeves make a comeback because of this, we're all headed for Canada. Is there anyone out there who is not chilled by that prospect? We've been there and we're not going back.
Alternate theories about Hillary's wardrobe:
- Tried ironing her own shirt and scorched it
- Displaying solidarity with domestic worker sector by wearing ensemble made of stained floor rags
- Vows to dress in colors of novitiate nun as penance for her big fresh mouth.
- Courting Black Eyed Peas Fans voter base, but misinterpreted meaning of "lovely lady lumps"
- Still beating the Woman's Vote drum by selecting Mother/Daughter outfits for her and C.C., reverse bizzaro-style.
- She's working her way through the jacket color spectrum, starting with black in Iowa and culminating in Eva Peron white when she accepts the party nomination at the Democratic National Convention, followed immediately by brazen display of pillbox hats.